Kids bedroom dilemma - Please help

[Mellon8]

Hello All,
I'm in a dilemma about our bedroom situation, I don't want to cause any arguments with my Oh or upset my stepson.
When we moved into our house when our son was only months old so he was in our bedroom in a cot. Our stepson was 7 at the time got the big middle bedroom. When our son was old enough he went into the small box room.
Now our son is nearly 4 now and is getting too big for his cot bed.
Ideally before getting a new bed I would like him to move into the bigger bedroom. As our step son is only with us half of the time.
I know this isn't going to go down we'll. I don't want to upset our step son or cause arguments with my Oh.
Please help with any suggestions on how I can do this
It's playing on my mind how to handle it without upsetting everybody 😕

I would suggest to DSS they share the big room and the box room is used as a toy/play room. DSS then gets a choice, he either shares or has the box room to himself.

Using the small room as a toy room is a great idea esp if you're thinking about another baby.

Thank you.
I think this is a good idea. I don't think he will want to share as our little one will be playing with his stuff x

I think it's a good idea too. No plans to have another but you never know 😊x

So Step son is 10/11 now?

Talk to him... offer a grown up bedroom in the smaller one... would he like a cabin bed for example?

If he doesn't want to share with your DS that's fine, but you've given him the option so the smaller room to himself it is. Its then his decision, and you're not the bad guy. Win, win.

I don’t think your 10/11 year old dss should be asked to share with a 4yr old tbh when there are bedrooms available. It’s very different stages and will change more over the next few years. Offer him a cool new bedroom in the smaller one - his choice decor, cabin bed funky lights etc etc.

I can see why you’d like your ds to have the bigger room but equally it’s dss home too. He spends half his time there (so not just the odd weekend a month) so why shouldn’t he have a good room too. Tricky one.

7 years is quite an age gap and sharing can be difficult

He will move to secondary now and that means homework and revision, he needs his space for quite a lot of stuff and quite time.

I would suggest a swap and do the box room up as a decent teenager room if a bed, wardrobe and desk will fit into it.

A four year old does not need as much space as an eleven year old - four year old should stay in the box room, and, the eleven year old should keep the middle room until is old enough where he's able to study etc. outside of the house (ie, library, after school clubs etc.)

How much time does your four year old spend in his bedroom? Probably just to sleep.

I also think your stepson should get the bigger room, he will need it more than his sibling even if he is not there all the time.
Your 4 year old will want to play downstairs with you, not in his room and I think often small kids prefer a small bedroom - less intimidating and feels cosier, whereas your DSS might feel sidelined.

I've got an 11 year old and 6 yr old. The 6 year old definitely needs the bigger room as his toys are bigger - train tracks, gravitrax sets etc take up a lot of floor space, whereas my 11 yr old doesn't have toys, as long as he has space for tv/computer he's happy.

Apologies, realised he's actually only three.

So in three years time when he's six and his half brother is fourteen then the room swap could be raised again.

If he's at yours 50% then asking him to change seems wrong to me (if it was eow that's different). I think you need to store some clothes is dss room though

@EatSaidPatriarchy Why should a teen study outside the house? Unless the school provides something the parents can't I would think a quite room in the house is better than a library.

DD always studies at home. The school library closes just 1hour after the lessons and our library is nice but quite busy and noisy. And DD is expected to do schoolwork for at least 2 hours a day, 3 befoe assessment weeks.

He's not stupid. He will 100% realise that that him taking the small room "to get his own room" would mean his little brother getting DSS's bigger room all to himself. He's too old now to fall for that one.

He's with you 50% and he's the older sibling, I think you should let him keep his room and just pull every trick in the book to make the little one work for your youngest. As they get older, space for the older one to study in peace becomes more important and he is going to really struggle to get that in communal areas with a much younger brother around. There's a big age gap, leave them as they are. The younger one has years ahead to have the bigger room when older one moves out.

Apologies that came out much ruder than I meant it to.

@reluctantbrit quite a lot of group work in middle school years upwards... plus teens tend to like to study together in my experience.

And, free periods come into play in what, year 9? 10?

[quote EatSaidPatriarchy]@reluctantbrit quite a lot of group work in middle school years upwards... plus teens tend to like to study together in my experience.

And, free periods come into play in what, year 9? 10?[/quote]
I don't know what school system you are talking about, so can't presume.

But I'm a secondary teacher in the state system. They don't get free periods until Year 12-13. Perhaps in their GCSEs for certain learners, or if is timetables as enrichment and it is then not a free, but a teacher going through revision on a specific topic.

During lockdown I was speaking to my tutees where it might be up to 4/5 in the same house with the need for somewhere to study. Certainly, by year 9 at the latest a teenager needs somewhere they can work undisturbed - at least a regular space at a table, if not the secure sense of a desk/room/space that is 'theirs' undisturbed.

[quote EatSaidPatriarchy]@reluctantbrit quite a lot of group work in middle school years upwards... plus teens tend to like to study together in my experience.

And, free periods come into play in what, year 9? 10?[/quote]
State secondary, y7-11 plus 6th form.

DD is in Y10, she has two subjects where she has group work but that's started in class and they are expected to finish at home if necessary. And that's not the norm, this time it was a half-term project, I think she had one other group work she needed to do work outside lesson and couldn't cover it during break time since last September.

She has 3 subjects per day, all in 2 period blocks. Absolutely no free periods.

DD never brings school friends around despite repeated offering that they are more than welcome, it seems to be not cool anymore.

In Y11 they have additional work groups but that's for struggling pupils before and after school.

In 6th form they have free study periods and it depends on the school if they are allowed to go home for it. Our neighbour's DD walks home, she says it more quite and peaceful than the rooms available in school.

Im in a similar position and can’t see a way out