Back with family after two years… and finding it hard.

[workwoes123]

We live in Europe and thanks to Covid, haven’t seen our families for two years. We are in the UK now to catch up with them all and it’s… not great.

My FIL has aged a lot, to the extent where DH is worried about leaving him here driving: he’s bumped his car twice just in the week we’ve been here. Plus he’s getting increasingly confused and struggling with various things.

SIL has become more anxious than I remember. And openly fighting with BIL in front of us. I think they are worried about money - they’ve talked about moving by house prices seem to have shot up locally, and neither are big earners.

I was so looking forward to seeing my own sister, we are staying with her now and it’s really quite difficult. She does suffer from depression, she and her partner don’t have kids and have wfh through the pandemic so they’ve been living a very routine life with just the two of them. DH and I have two kids, plus we work in schools so for us it has been business / life as usual. Her house is perfect: I feel like she’s tutting whenever I put a glass down or leave a book out. They live such a rigid, ‘just so’ life, I feel like we are just getting in the way. She doesn’t seem at all interested in spending any time with just me: we used to be really close, but it feels so distant atm.

We’ve still got to go to my parents. I’m kind of dreading it tbh. The last saw out boys when they were children- now the oldest is a proper teen, and there are two lost years to make up.

I looked forward to this for so long (we have rebooked these flights four times) and it’s just so much harder than I expected. We’ve all missed each other but It also feels like we’ve just got used to being apart though, and that we might as well not have bothered coming. It makes me sad.

The pandemic has affected so many people in different ways & in many cases not for the best. Sorry to hear it's a let down for you.

I find it hard to spend time with my Mum as she won't hear a word against Boris which infuriates me!!

I live away from my family... Sometimes, you just have bad visits, where everything feels a bit off. It has been a tough few years, and it's changed people.
I do believe people will gradually get back to their usual

It is hard though, because people do change. Since you're not there as it is happening, it's jarring when you do see them.
Try not to focus on the worrying changes, and instead try and connect in a different way.

It is hard though!!

Sorry it’s not been the visit you were hoping for these last 2 years have really had an impact on so many of us. Are you staying with your sister for the whole time?

I’m sure it’s me as well, I’ve changed. I’m menopausal now and irritated with everyone. I don’t think my sister means to be snippy - she’s always been quite direct 🙄. But now she seems to be challenging everything I say. She’s not looking for a fight as such, she just seems very combative. Last night I said something about how hard the long summers were with two bored teen kids during Covid: her response - “well you chose to have children”!! That really pissed me off. I’ve never once commented negatively about her choosing not to have children - if anything I’ve done the opposite.

I think the two years apart have just highlighted the differences between us now, and it’s hard to get back to the closeness.

@spotcheck that’s an interesting way to look at it, accepting that some visits are a bit shit, for whatever reason. Maybe this is just one of them.

It's likely the reality of the situation was never going to match up with the dream. I don't blame you for thinking a meet up after 2 years due to a global pandemic could be hoped for as a fabulous, warm life enriching event. You've been pulled right back into a pit of normality. It's like hoping for a Christmas like you see in the TV ads.
I'd lower my expectations and see if my budget would allow for a few days out around the country including a few hotels or b&b's. Do fun stuff with your imeadate family until you get to your parents and then keep a plan B in mind incase that's a bit shit too.

I actually find lots of people have become more insular and inward looking and have forgotten how to communicate with others.
In the same way that if you just sat in a chair all day you would lose the use of your legs, seeing fewer people means that you forget how to interact.
I feel a bit sad about it and not at all convinced that we will get back to normal. People are to use to working from home and looking at screens for company.
(Yes I am aware of the irony of me being on MN ).

@MacaroniBaloney

I didn’t really hope for Life enrichment 😂 I didn’t expect it to be worse than it used to be though. Trips home to family are always hard work, but till now they’ve also felt positive overall in terms of keeping relationships healthy and positive.

We are coming back in summer, maybe I just accept that this current trip is a first “getting to know each other again” step, and hope summer is better.