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Original poster

Were/are anyone's parents like this?

19 replies

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 17:35

I struggle to explain this but it's like my mum and dad always used to acusse me or suspect me of lying. Like when I was little and I said something my dad would roll his eyes and appear frustrated. My mum would sometimes narrow her eyes and make faces. I'm probably not explaining it well but even now it's like I feel like when I talk they're desperate to get one up on me or interrupt and tell me what to do. Even a simple conversation I feel like I'm being told off.

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Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 18:15

Anyone.?

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rosegarden18 · 19/02/2022 18:24

Yes. Even at the grand age of 28 my mother still accuses me of lying or making things up.

The truth? My mother is a compulsive liar and so put that onto everyone else - if she was lying, so was everyone else. She also loved to lecture me, and still does, as if she knew everything and me nothing. It's a power complex and it's toxic.

How old are you? It took me a long time to realise all of that, probably only 2 years ago and it's ruined my relationship with her.

ElegantlyTouched · 19/02/2022 18:30

Not the same, but my mum would often assume I'd done something in the most stupid and illogical way possible, and tell me off for doing so despite there being any evidence that I'd done it like that.

A made-up example to illustrate what I mean. Say I told her I'd driven from Edinburgh to Glasgow she would, based on no further detail, rant about why had I travelled via London, it would have been quicker and cheaper to go direct, and why was I so stupid. If I pointed out I had travelled direct and hadn't contemplated going via London she'd just say she thought I might have done then leave it at that.

I'm far from stupid so I don't know how she formed this impression of me.

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Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 18:33

I realised after I had my child so when I was 30! I don't tell them anything now because there's no support or love just lectures and moaning.

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Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 18:36

And were in complete different professions but they appear to know everything about mine and tell me what to do. They're surprised I know nothing about their professions why would I?

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Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 20/02/2022 10:31

Me!
My mother always did this. I remember as a child even hearing her telling the mum of my best friend that I was a compulsive liar and not to believe a word I say. I don't understand her at all.
It meant that when I was raped as a teen I never told her, or anyone because I knew I'd be accused of lying.
I struggle not to hate her now and I'm nearly 50!

Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 11:36

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

Me! My mother always did this. I remember as a child even hearing her telling the mum of my best friend that I was a compulsive liar and not to believe a word I say. I don't understand her at all. It meant that when I was raped as a teen I never told her, or anyone because I knew I'd be accused of lying. I struggle not to hate her now and I'm nearly 50!
That's awful. Why do they do this.
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Rollonspring1111 · 20/02/2022 11:42

Not lying necessarily, but my mother would always put me down in front of friends.
Even as a child I could sense that she got satisfaction in humiliating me whenever I had friends round to the house.
It didn't improve as I got older either.
I had just returned from a traumatic weekend away at 19 where my boyfriend at the time had treated me like rubbish (as in forcing me to do things I didn't feel comfortable with against my will).
I confided everything to my mother on return.
I ended it with the boyfriend. He turned up begging me to go back to him. My mother (knowing what he had done to me) stood there and said to him "You are better off without her. She's not a nice person once you get to know her".
Hearing those words hit me harder than what he did to me.

Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 11:46

Yeah my mum and dad would say things like 'your aunty said you're lovely but we've put her right about you '

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Sundancerintherain · 20/02/2022 11:46

Bloody hell, all of these examples are awful.Flowers

Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 11:49

Or like in student halls my dad would say to the reception staff make sure she doesn't run off with anyone boyfriend etc. Why the fuck would you say that?!?

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Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 11:50

No wonder I married an abuser

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amusedbush · 20/02/2022 11:58

Not the same, but my mum would often assume I'd done something in the most stupid and illogical way possible, and tell me off for doing so despite there being any evidence that I'd done it like that.

My mum has done this my whole life, too; she seems to assume the absolute worst of me with no evidence for it. I remember when I was 12 and in first year of secondary school, it was coming up to our first ever "dress down" Friday and I was excited. My mum got herself all worked up for no reason: "What are you going to wear? Make sure it's still smart enough to wear to school, like a t-shirt with sleeves or a jumper. You can't wear a vest top to school, that would be completely inappropriate! Ridiculous, parading around school in only a vest top!"

I hadn't once mentioned wearing a vest top but she ended up telling me off Confused

The worst one was a few years ago now, in the lead up to my brother's 21st birthday. She texted me completely out of the blue to tell me that she was disappointed that I wasn't buying him a birthday present. I asked her where she had heard that and she said, "I just assumed. You have booked a holiday and you always prioritise your money for yourself to the detriment to everyone and everything around you".

That one fucking hurt. I'm many things but I'm not selfish or greedy, and I had bought my brother a very nice gift. This character assassination came completely out of nowhere and had anyone else said it about me, I'd have assumed they had a concussion.

rosegarden18 · 20/02/2022 12:07

God reading through these is making my heart sink. But also, sort of comforting knowing it's not just my mum/childhood.

Anyone else sworn never to inflict it on your own DC? I have two boys and can't even imagine treating them the way my mum did me, it really makes me question her as a mother.

Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 12:14

I'm struggling to parent at the moment but I've sworn not to put my kids through that. I always feel I have to justify myself and overexplain now. If anyone accuses me of lying I lose my shit

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Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 12:16

Im also so grateful if anyone gives me the time of day. It's pathetic

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Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 20/02/2022 15:30

All of these posts are awful. It breaks my damn heart.
@WindyHail I too married an abuser. It makes sense doesn’t it when we look back. We expect to be treated badly. It’s all we know.
My heart breaks for those children we were. All of us posting on here. We all deserved better.

Original poster
WindyHail · 20/02/2022 16:41

I was too scared to pull out of the wedding so I went through with it. My mum and dad constantly told me how much they'd spent and what a stress it was for them. I know I should have been stronger but I couldn't bare them saying oh typical hail and me never being able to forget it

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PerseverancePays · 20/02/2022 17:02

I hope you are all LC or NC with your mothers.

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