Swedish death cleaning. Starting today.

[Fuuuuuckit]

My mum died recently, and whilst she lived a very modest, simple life, there is So. Much. Stuff.

Cupboards full of paperwork going back decades. Receipts for things long-broken, passed on. Kitchenalia I've not seen used since my childhood. Family heirlooms that sadly mean nothing to me (passed down the generations, now so remote nobody even knows who they originated from). I am now somehow in charge of the family archive - certificates, letters, photos, boxes of family tree papers etc.

One day I'd like to say I'll find time to properly archive the family papers and photos. And of course a whole load of things I'll be keeping as they're so meaningful to me.

But it has really made me think about my own affairs, and leaving things for my NOK to sort through should/when anything happens to me.

So today, I'm making a start on my own stuff. I've just sorted my banking folder. All in separate wallets, in date order, in one file. Next is the bills folder. I know there are bills from providers I've not used for years.

I have a will, I think I need to arrange POA when I'm a bit more present.

Off the top of my head, next is - linen cupboard, bookshelves, dvd and video and Cd collection/hoard

It's going to ba a huge, ongoing job I think. But I'm always up for a good decluter (of my own stuff, it's so hard to even touch the stuff of my mum's)

Anyone fancy joining me?

PIL both left funeral details down to hymn titles.

DM made notes in a book (at DBs behest) which left details down to which hymn tunes to use. Apart from the ones in the church service, there was one specified for the crem (family and close friends) for which she had deliberately picked an unusual tune, and instructions for the organist (conveniently, DB) to play it through once first. After a slightly ragged first verse, we picked it up quite nicely. So, her final posthumous act was to teach her family a new tune.

That's probably taking the detail a bit far for most families though!

Having cleared out my parents house and then my in-laws house a few years later I decided I needed to start decluttering.

I'm quite 'minimalist' anyway but was surprised at the amount of stuff I was storing that I no longer used or wanted. It's an ongoing process with an annual check of paperwork, cupboards and drawers but hopefully makes it easier for those left to clear out my belongings when I die. It's also made me think a bit more about what I buy and if I really need or want it.

Also, after speaking to a friend about her experience when her mother left her body to medical science and how respectful the process was I'm really interested in looking into this further. I've been putting off discussing it with my close family as it not an easy conversation to have but this has reminded me that I really do need to have that conversation.

This is one of the saddest things about death, no-one really cares about the numerous photo albums so carefully put together or those little gifts given to you by children or grandchildren. It sounds harsh and uncaring but I would donate what I can and hire a skip for everything else that hasn’t got a lot of sentimental value.

I did not know it had a name

My mum has been very busy tidying up her life, she was the opposite of a hoarder

She died quite suddenly a few months ago

Everything was tidy. Very little "stuff", not much in terms of keepsakes and sentiment, just 1 box of photos.

Even her clothing was sparse

It DID make things easier, as everything I needed (and still need) to throw away hurts a little bit.

Even throwing her old underwear and nighties out hurt a bit, somehow, it's a feeling that's hard to explain, a sadness that tugs at the heart

It's very weird that, really

(Still need to do shoes and clothes but not quite mentally ready for that yet)

My Dad became unwell about 5 years before he died, and became aware of the enormous task it would be to clear his house.
So he set about trying to declutter and put stuff in order.
However he had a brain condition that although perhaps not noticeable having a chat or going about daily life, meant that he got incredibly confused and stuck about how to do certain things. When he did pass away there were piles and piles of papers in his study (that he had been "sorting") but they were just random piles or collections of things in no particular order. I think it made it much harder work than if he'd left it all alone .
For example a pile might contain bank statements from 2 different banks, current and expired bank cards, boiler protection policy from 2 years ago, wedding pics from a family wedding in 2018. It was chaotic and very sad as he had previously been very organised and methodical.

@Eightiesfan

This is one of the saddest things about death, no-one really cares about the numerous photo albums so carefully put together or those little gifts given to you by children or grandchildren. It sounds harsh and uncaring but I would donate what I can and hire a skip for everything else that hasn’t got a lot of sentimental value.

I disagree about the photo albums. My mother has some of my grandmother's and they are fascinating for us.

This is how we live. I have folders for warranties, documents etc all neatly in a drawer. We've also made a will. I have a memory box for each child and things like birthday cards are put in separate plastic wallets. Their artwork is labelled and dated and stored in a file for each.
We only have a small crawl space upstairs and there's hardly anything in there. One tiny shed in the garden and anything stored in the garage is nearly labelled in clear boxes.

I periodically clear out clothes/towels/shoes/old kitchen stuff.
Medication is all best arranged in one cupboard.

I live like this because my parents live in a mess. I am an only child and it'll be down to me to sort everything out. My dad even has guns. Properly stored and checked by the police, but why??
Sheds and a garage bursting with crap. Wardrobes likewise. I don't know where any paperwork is.
I've asked them time and again to get organised but they don't, and they won't.
I will never out my own children in a similar situation. It's so fucking selfish.

Well done, op. I hope you enjoy your clear out. It's definitely for the best!

My mum downsized following divorce about ten years ago. It was utter agony getting her and her roomsful of stuff accumulated over decades out of that damn house. She also had a double garage full, and got upset every time we gently suggested she a) pack up some stuff and b) got rid of some stuff.

She now lives in a smaller house full of piles and piles of random stuff, some of which might contain important documents.

There's mountains of it but I'm totally zen on the subject. It sounds awful but when the time comes that we have to clear it out, it'll take one weekend because without her there to make it impossible it'll be a doddle in practical terms. Dump, charity, keep. Easy. Obviously the emotional side will be a challenge but I'll cross that road when it comes.

Shamefully, a tiny part of me is looking forward to it.

I'd love to do this but I'm.very attached to my stuff.
I've got all my husbands stuff 8 months later, how do you let go?

When I look around in my house (especially the loft and the spare room) the sheer enormity of the task fills me with horror.

Yep. I've been considering doing the Swedish death clearing thing for a while. And even starting on general decluttering made me realise what a huge job it would be for my DDs when I go. I still find it hard getting rid of things that were my late husband's, ten years on. For my kids to have to get rid of EVERTYHING, pretty much, will not only be a huge job, but an upsetting one, as they won't have years to start letting go of things that were mine and bring back memories.

So yes, I'm game to start, if you are, OP.

I've been doing this for a few weeks. It's all just stuff - yes, I'm attached to some of it, and I'll keep some of it. But I'm more likely to know where the important things are (and to show them to DC) if I've de-cluttered other things.

I have been doing this prior to a house move (that may or may not materialise now) but I still have quite a bit to do. We have lived here 37 years and we had so much stuff......

It is very cathartic, but you can lose hours going down rabbit holes reading old papers, letters, cards etc.

@Windstartingup

Fuuuuuckit Oh gosh yes, the horror of choosing a coffin, stationery, cars etc. I've already made a start on my own funeral plans, I can't imagine handing that pain onto my children

That's not hard though is it surely? The funeral directors will guide them on all that stuff. Stationery?? That's bonkers sorry.

Agree with decluttering as much as possible within reason. My house is full of crap and I don't want someone else having to wade through it all. None of it will mean anything to anyone else.

Stationery - was the order of service pamphlets. Plain, or patterned, flowers/nature etc.

I want a box ticked for my dc so that they don't have to trawl through that kind of nonsense.

My parents did this when moving from a 5 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom flat abroad.

And again when moving back to a 2 bed flat in the UK. Just keeping the essential plus their favourite stuff.

My mum has written (typed and printed) all the family history she knows and sorted out the photos so its all together.

I decided to become minimalist 10 months ago. It's a work in progress but even DH and our young DC have agreed that our home is much nicer now, its easier to tidy and to find stuff. They are all also very pleased with how much money we've made from selling things we haven't touched in years. We're moving overseas this summer and I want us to move as lightly as possible. We still have a lot of things, but all is used and loved (and has a place to be tidied away to)

One of the main personal benefits of Swedish death cleaning is that it makes living so much simpler!

Well after I posted on this thread, I went upstairs and cleared out my big chest of drawers. Not a mammoth task as decluttering goes, but I've got a bag of stuff for the charity shop, and some more for the clothing bin at the tip.

If I can spend even just half an hour a day, a single cupboard, just one section of a bookcase, one shelf of the garage, it's got to help, right?
I already have some boxes of keepsakes in my wardrobe, and my documents are all in order and my kids know where they are. But I'd love to get rid of 70% of my general 'stuff'.

I’ve been doing this recently too, have any of you watched “Sort your life out with Stacey Solomon”? Not the death cleaning side but just how decluttering can really help the mental load. It’s insane really how much stuff it’s possible to accumulate.

My mum died last year. She left dad a letter with her funeral wishes. I can't tell you how much easier that made the whole process. I will definitely be doing the same for my NOK

I cleared my dad’s study (the back room) last time I was up. Mum had no idea what was in there. I sold his laptop-she can’t use the internet despite being taught many times and binned dozens of tapes that she would never listen to-old comedy shows. She also had 100s of Family Circle magazines from the 70s. ‘Ooh, there might be a recipe I’ll use’. Hmm, yeah. That’s one room down. She keeps giving me letters I sent 30 years ago or the odd school report. I’m dreading her going, she’s 5 hours away and the loft is no doubt full.

I’m in. I heard about ‘Swedish death cleaning’ about 10 years ago. Boxes of family papers, photos and my Dad’s effects are still stacked in my study because I don't want to put them in our loft and push the work on to my boys when we croak. It’ll be 5 years since my Dad died soon. I need to face up to this task.

Excellent thread.

I'm hopefully moving home soon.

We've lived in my current house for 13 years and I'm dreading the clear out.

The comments on having a small briefcase with all the important documents in it and maybe a statement of wishes is excellent advice.