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Original poster

My child never got a place in the school 11+

42 replies

wafflebrownie · 18/02/2022 12:48

I know I shouldn't feel disappointed but I am not in my child but I guess I just had hopes that he would get in.

I'm now thinking maybe we should have saved for tuition or something.i don't know. We're a low income family and can't really afford it. I did it myself - I'm not a tutor.

I haven't the heart to tell him yet. But I think he will be ok. He may get a place but I know he's definitely not got a bursary without which I know I will never be able to send him there.

The local comp he most likely will get a place in is dire and I know we will try and make the most of it.

Can you please cheer me up and tell me it will be ok!

OP posts:

Rickrollme · 18/02/2022 17:01

@2bazookas we are expats and I know nothing at all about the state sector but in private school the term “11 plus” is commonly used to refer to private secondary school entrance exams. Maybe if you’d done your homework you would have come up with a smarter put-down. Then again even if you had been correct you still felt compelled to be rude to someone who is already upset so if I were you I would focus on that.

Ilostit · 18/02/2022 17:17

@CrimbleCrumble1

This isn't true. You can't be low income and do cricket, violin etc and tutor to the hilt They could if for example grandparents paid.

I don’t want to out them. But I know they both worked PT. I know their jobs (think like a Health Visitor 3 days a week and a husband works in a phone shop selling phones 4 days a week with the odd Saturday). Old car, no holidays etc

Ilostit · 18/02/2022 17:18

Also violin in State school is not expensive in group lessons

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11+ Exam General education

Ducksurprise · 18/02/2022 17:25

@Ilostit

Also violin in State school is not expensive in group lessons

Then you and I have a different idea of low income, if grandparents are paying then the child isn't really a low income child. I guess they could be carrying high debt to achieve this, but then again not really low income as those with low income struggle to get the credit.

Original poster

wafflebrownie · 18/02/2022 17:44

Thanks to everyone who has posted. I know deep down he will be ok no matter where he goes. I will definitely try and be involved in with what's going on with him and be on top of it.

DH is home now I feel alot better already. It was just the initial news and not having anyone to talk to about it. Though a mum with a son who'd sat the exam just rang me about it an hour ago. She hadn't got a call either. We are both disappointed but fine now.

If I'm like this for a school place what on earth am I going to be like with other stuff in his life! 😀

OP posts:

ChiselandBits · 18/02/2022 17:45

my son's instrument lessons were £100 per term. he was in a pair with someone and other kids were singly taught but the fee was the same. Even half that is still a lot if you are low income. Having grandparents to step in isn't really a budgeting factor is it? That's just a lucky break that may or may not be available.

CrimePodcast · 18/02/2022 17:49

“ This isn't true. You can't be low income and do cricket, violin etc and tutor to the hilt.”

Yes you can. Parents can DIY tutor you know, they don’t have to pay someone. Local community sports don’t cost a fortune either.

HelloDulling · 18/02/2022 17:54

@LIZS

Seems a very unusual admissions timetable for places to not yet have been offered. Did you also submit an application for state schools?

It’s really not. I put our offer letters in the post last night.

HelloDulling · 18/02/2022 17:57

Though a mum with a son who'd sat the exam just rang me about it an hour ago. She hadn't got a call either. We are both disappointed but fine now.

Try not to be. It was always such a long shot. Bursary places are so, so sought after; far more people apply than can have one.

LIZS · 18/02/2022 18:01

Ime it is just before Spring half term, but that may vary from one county to another.

declutteringmymind · 18/02/2022 18:07

There's lots you can do to support him at a state school. And keep an eye on the better state schools, and keep him on the waiting list if necessary.

Try and make good relationships with his form tutor, keep him reading High quality books.Alex sure he reads around his homework. Try and give him experiences around what he is learning. It doesn't need to be expensive- to the beach if they are doing it in geography etc.

Keep his aspirations high. Talk to him about what he wants his future to look like. Spend as much as you can afford on travel (not holidays). Join a scouts group - great life skills, Duke of Edinburgh, volunteering etc.

You've got the right attitude, so half of your work is done.

Lacedwithgrace · 18/02/2022 18:17

The chances are if he didn't do well in the test, he wouldn't do well in the school. I'm sure he'll have a great education at the alternative school

Duntelchaig · 18/02/2022 18:33

My most “successful” friend - and I mean that in as much as she was one of 7 kids, all at the local school (rural) with an interested mum (less interested dad) and she didnt get into the local grammar. She also, strangely didn’t get an offer from an RG uni so went abroad to uni and she is now a renowned leader in her highly specialised field. I know wealthier people, I know more entrepreneurial people but she is the most specialist, highly regarded person (not just woman) in her field. She ironically sends her 2 kids to private school, convinced they can’t be successful without a private education but she is the best example I know of how personal grit gets you all the way in life. Your son will be fine. It’s not the be all and end all to go to this school. If he’s smart and energetic and has good people skills and a work ethic (or at least by the time he’s 20), he has a massive advantage over most.

caringcarer · 18/02/2022 23:23

I was urged by my dd school to enter her for a scholarship. I did it be because she wanted me to and she absolutely loved learning. She got a 50 percent scholarship. We scrimped to pay the other 50 percent and our son went to local comp. He was not keen on school or very academic and once he realised his sister had to go to school on Saturdays until 4pm for a 'half day' he said he did not want to go there. I was relieved because if he did want to go I would have felt bound to let him sit exam. I noticed that the children who did get the scholarships and there were 4 all for 50 Perce not, were also good at sport/music or drama too, so not just academics. My son did ok at the comp. He was happy there and was with his friends. My dd did far better academically and went to good uni but my son now out earns his sister. Your son will be fine because you will monitor his progress.

Original poster

wafflebrownie · 19/02/2022 10:17

declutteringmymind great advice but what do you mean by spend as much as you can on travel (not holidays). Aren't they the same thing!

OP posts:

Howshouldibehave · 19/02/2022 10:25

@wafflebrownie

declutteringmymind great advice but what do you mean by spend as much as you can on travel (not holidays). Aren't they the same thing!

It would depends if your holidays are 7 days sitting on a beach in Spain or touring the ancient sites of Rome.

Original poster

wafflebrownie · 19/02/2022 10:28

Howshouldibehave ah ok, currently can't afford either!

OP posts:

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