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Original poster

No response to DD’s party invitations?!

43 replies

ExhaustedMumma · 17/02/2022 21:28

DD is having a birthday party in just over 2 weeks time. As well as our friends and family, we’ve invited 10 children from her pre-school room at nursery. These are the kids who she’s attended with for the last few years and talks about all the time as friends. We couldn’t manage the whole of preschool but we checked with the nursery staff and they agreed this was the little group that played together. We don’t know parents really - our nursery is open 7am - 7pm so the range of drop off times is broad and we only know a couple to say hi to in passing.

It is a party in a hall with bouncy castle etc, parents to stay and will do food for kids (snack box) and something for adults too. The invites didn’t have loads of info (usual date, time, location etc) but I assumed I could pass on more if/when I got an RSVP text and check dietary requirements.

Nursery handed out the invites for us two weeks ago (apparently - but they have confirmed this).

The problem is we’ve only had one reply! I did see one of the parents in passing and she said she’s messaged me and they can make it, but I didn’t get the message. I’m sure she’s telling the truth but it’s a bit strange that nothing has come through.

Can it really be that no one is responding?

We went abroad the week after the invites went out and I didn’t really have my phone on. So now I’m wondering if messages just somehow didn’t get through because of that. Could that be possible?

No sure what to do now as I don’t have numbers for the parents. Apart from hoping to bump into the parents and asking the outright, I’m not sure what else I can do!

We still have a decent number of kids coming but I feel worried for DD that some of her best friends at nursery won’t be there, and that it will be guess work on catering. Due to allergies/covid I’m doing individual lunchboxes so could do with knowing numbers!

OP posts:

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 18/02/2022 19:45

This really has been insightful, thank you all for replying.

@Toanewstart23 it’s not so much that there’s two weeks to go, but that they’ve had the invite for two weeks and not been in touch at all. It’s not rude per se but that sort of inaction isn’t really my style.

I’ll cater for the full number of kids and have spare snacks as back up. Party bags too.

I’ll let you know what happens!

@TeenPlusCat I agree that four weeks ahead was a bit early but we were on holiday for a week so wanted to get them out before that.

@CottonSock we have at least 18 kids plus parents coming from our own friendship group, so we shouldn’t have an empty hall, fingers crossed!

Did you reply @PoshWatchShitShoes?!!

We’re very unconnected at the nursery - no parents groups, WhatsApp etc.

OP posts:

CrackerGal · 18/02/2022 20:19

@ExhaustedMumma

This really has been insightful, thank you all for replying.

@Toanewstart23 it’s not so much that there’s two weeks to go, but that they’ve had the invite for two weeks and not been in touch at all. It’s not rude per se but that sort of inaction isn’t really my style.

I’ll cater for the full number of kids and have spare snacks as back up. Party bags too.

I’ll let you know what happens!

@TeenPlusCat I agree that four weeks ahead was a bit early but we were on holiday for a week so wanted to get them out before that.

@CottonSock we have at least 18 kids plus parents coming from our own friendship group, so we shouldn’t have an empty hall, fingers crossed!

Did you reply @PoshWatchShitShoes?!!

We’re very unconnected at the nursery - no parents groups, WhatsApp etc.

@exhaustedmumma for future reference I've found it better to give out the invites 2 weeks before the party. This gives people time to respond & also isn't too long so it gets forgotten about. I do appreciate about you going away etc though & the timing. I hope lots show up & your child has a great birthday!

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 18/02/2022 20:23

Thanks @CrackerGal. Good tip.
We’ll see what happens!

OP posts:

IDontDrinkTea · 18/02/2022 20:30

I think people just don’t rsvp anymore in case a better offer comes up! Frustrating but true. My daughter is at nursery and has handed out invites at the beginning of the week, it’s now Friday and I’ve had one rsvp. It seems so odd to me as I’m someone that would text when I find the invite in her bag and then stick the invite on the fridge.

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 18/02/2022 21:06

@IDontDrinkTea I’ve had only one RSVP in two weeks!
Maybe you’re right. I don’t know these parents really so who knows - they might wonder why I’ve invited their kid, might think it’s their idea of hell, might be waiting for a better offer or just be busy and not managed to reply.

OP posts:

tammyjess · 18/02/2022 23:46

I think you should chase them up. People are crap and it's annoying having to do that, but it's worth it if it means your daughter has a nice party. The one thing I look forward to about my children being grown up one day is not having to deal with thoughtless people anymore who you have to deal with through the children's social lives. Sorry that last sentence was a bit convoluted..too much wine!

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 19/02/2022 05:49

@tammyjess I think what I will do is just try and catch them
at pick up / drop off. The one parent I have seen claimed that she’s messaged me, but I definitely haven’t had a message from her.

OP posts:

TeenPlusCat · 19/02/2022 06:49

I also think parents don't 'invest' too much in their children's 'friends' at that age. If they are likely to go to different schools it won't be like primary where they are together for 7 years.

Mooster62 · 19/02/2022 07:08

I would hand out another note to the parents invited, via the nursery, just asking for any dietary requirements as you are planning the catering. If you still get no response there is not a lot you can do!

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 22/02/2022 08:54

So an update - I bumped into one of the parents who claimed not to have received them invite. I didn’t sense any BS, seemed genuine and our kids do get on really well. I took her number and texted the details and she’s going to pass on to another mum for me as well.

It did seem a bit odd to have absolutely no reply from 9/10 parents….so that’s 4/10 that I’ve managed to get I touch with. Will have to keep trying to sort the others.

OP posts:

PeacefulPrune · 22/02/2022 10:35

Oh that's good! Hopefully more can come.

Emmelina · 22/02/2022 21:32

I wonder if nursery didn’t send them out as asked then, either that or the parent you bumped into was just really good at blagging!

nightwakingmoon · 22/02/2022 21:42

People seem to be really rude about kids’ party invites. You normally have to chase and some forget to reply until the very last moment. Just seems to be how it is! Leave it until a week beforehand then start chasing parents at drop off and pick up and collecting numbers to follow up. It’s not you, it’s normal (though v v annoying).

stickysellotape · 22/02/2022 22:11

It sounds absolutely normal in my experience. I reply on the day I receive an invitation but I’ve only ever had one or two do the same when we’ve handed out invitations. Handing them out two weeks before is the norm as most won’t commit to something any further ahead than that and people end up forgetting about or losing the invitations. Many replies come within a week of the party, and after the rsvp date. It’s stressful when you have a venue that requires numbers a week before the party. Personally I wouldn’t believe the parent you bumped into based on my experience (and that of many others - I remember frantically searching on here about it when mine had their first party and there are loads of posts about the same thing!).

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 22/02/2022 23:25

A second parent confirmed they hadn’t had the invite either. I contacted nursery again and the preschool lead looked
into it and they couldn’t confirm that the invites had been handed out. So I wrote some more and they are handing them out tomorrow and Thursday.

We will see!! Honestly, I think they did mess up….there were some staffing changes so DDs keyworker changed and that might have lead to some confusion.

I’d expect a proportion of people not to reply but for 9/10 to not reply and the only response being from someone that we handed the invite to does make it seem like they didn’t go out.

OP posts:

OrganisedChaos22 · 22/02/2022 23:31

I put rsvp date 11 out of 26 have rsvp from school.
12 out of 12 out of school have rsvp.
It's annoying. As don't want to over cater!

Fridgeorflight · 22/02/2022 23:37

I've found invitations in the bottom of my DDs' bags, sometimes weeks after they've been handed out. I don't tend to empty bags of spare clothes etc unless I have to.

I also once bumped into a nursery mum and child in Tesco and asked about an invitation I'd sent (with RSVP and phone number). The mum said "I didn't reply because I didn't know who you were, but now I've met you I can reply". I thought that was a bit odd, but maybe there are more people like that out there.

Original poster

ExhaustedMumma · 25/02/2022 08:44

So it looks like nursery didn’t hand out the invites (bar one when we had prompted and saw it happen). I managed to speak to two mums who hadn’t had it and invite them. I then wrote some more and the preschool lead ensured they went out. I’ve since had some lovely messages and a phone call enthusiastically accepting - still waiting for 4 responses but out of 10 that’s much more like it. I can cope with 4 maybes/no shows. Faith in humanity restored!

OP posts:

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