Can anyone offer advice for bedtime for a 2 year old please... feeling desperate and out of ideas!

[pairsinparis]

Our DS is nearly 2, he shares a bedroom with his four year old brother.

We used to take them up, bath, pjs and book, and then myself or DH would get into bed with DS and he'd fall asleep in a few minutes, as would his brother, and we could leave and go downstairs.

For the past three weeks or so he cries and cries and gets all worked up. Asks for a drink but doesn't want it, asks for cuddly toys then throws them, asks to be tucked in and then cries and kicks his sheets off. He cries and cries and cries and cries.

We have tried laying with him but that doesn't work anymore, we have tried sitting on a little stool in the room between the beds but that doesn't work, we have tried leaving him to cry for a few mins and then going back in and trying to calm him, and that doesn't work.

What am I missing? What's gone wrong? We get no time to ourselves in the evening as this goes on from 7-9pm when I usually give up and take him to bed with me where he will eventually calm down and have a feed.

I'm a teacher and that time in the evening is when I get a lot of my work done, and get prepared for the next day. I feel like I haven't really seen or spoken to DH for ages without the kids around as the whole evening becomes bedtime.

Can anyone offer some advice please? One tired mum.

I should add he isn't poorly, but does have some teeth that have recently come through at the back. I've tried giving calpol before bed but it doesn't make any positive difference.

Night light is on as usual, and his speech is very good so he can ask for what he wants and explain what's making him sad. Except he can't do this at bedtime as he's too worked up and just shouts 'daddddddy' or 'mummmmmy' on repeat

And by shout I mean scream and cry

Does he nap well? Anything changed in the last few weeks? Is this from after the Xmas break? Could he be getting his molars?

Nothing has changed in routine, and he has a 1.5 hour nap every day. Yes he is getting his molars!

Sorry you're going through this. It can feel like it'll last forever sometimes!

Does your 2 year old nap still? Is he over tired come bed time? Could he go down earlier maybe 6.30pm, and then do DC1's bedtime in your room before he then heads to bed?

It's difficult to get them to bed any earlier than seven as by the time they're picked up from childminders and have had tea, there isn't a great deal of time.

He doesn't seem over tired when he goes to bed

Oh maybe once the molars are out this will have passed 🤞

The other thing might be to reduce the nap to maybe an hour? He might be protesting because he's not tired yet?

We had to start reducing DS1's nap to 30mins as he wasn't sleeping until 9pm.

Yes maybe that would work. I'm on half term now so I could try that.

Talk to him in the daytime about the bedtime routine. Make a visual story of the routine to stick on the wall by the bed. Ie: bath - story - cuddles - sleep. Then stick to it & be consistent. If he gets out of bed, do the super nanny 'back to bed' routine with no chatter or eye contact. Make bedtime as dull as possible and then up the cuddling and games in the daytime. And this to shall pass.

How much time is there between getting home and bedtime?

Maybe it's just all a bit rushed and exciting, getting home, seeing family, dinner, playing and then straight to bed. Could he be picked up earlier to have more wind down time? Is he any better at the weekends?

I would keep the nap, my 2 Yr old still does 2-3hrs. Sleeps begets sleep is a clear truth in my house!

I wonder if it's the nap - my 2 year old would happily sleep for a couple of hours during the day still, but then takes hours to get to sleep and is still awake until about 10. She can get through without a nap ok, although she gets a bit tired and grumpy towards the end of the day, but goes off to sleep much better, and I think gets more sleep overall by doing this.

Cut the nap down a little and do lots of reconnecting when you get home. I think there is another wave of separation anxiety around that age (even if they’ve been used to being in childcare for a while) so maybe playing some active games/running around/dancing after dinner might help get the last energy out and also help him to reconnect with you after a day apart.