Why am I so teary - BIL divorce

[SummerSanta12]

DH and I visited his family earlier this week. I have a great relationship with his mum and 4 siblings and we lived near them all until a few years ago when we moved further away. We visited them regularly until Covid hit and lockdown seemed to drift us apart. We rang and texted regularly but that's dried up too.

MIL and FIL seperated a few months ago so we visited them both individually. They are old now and it's sad that it's come to this but I dont blame MIL for leaving.

BIL was away with work when we visited but I met up with his wife Emma (not real name). She announced that she and BIL are separating. I knew they were having problems and it came as no surprise yet I feel shocked and saddened. I reassured her that I will support her decison and offered help in any way she needed. I keep thinking about how we have all drifted apart and it makes me so teary. I feel extremely sad how things have changed so much and won't really ever be the same. I have great memories when all the DC were younger but now most Dnieces and nephews are teens and not interested in meeting or spending time with my younger DC.

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess it's because I need advice on how to come to terms with relationships changing over time, and how to look forward instead of wishing things were back to how they were. DH isn't affected like how I am at all.

In the nicest possible way, have you considered that you might be quite self centred OP? These points in particular stood out for me:

I dont blame MIL for leaving
Would it matter to anyone if you did?

I reassured her that I will support her decison and offered help in any way she needed
Does she really need you to support her decision? What would the difference be if you didn’t? It’s a very patronising statement to make, on the face of it.

Ultimately I think you have to accept the fact that you changed the dynamic yourself by moving away. These are separate people getting on with living their own lives.

Ignore pp. it's perfectly valid to feel upset by these changes, by seeing people close to you feeling sad, for losing something that you held dear even though you aren't the centre of it. As long as you're not whinging to the wider family it isn't self centred and the pp is obviously not very emotionally literate. Recognise and validate and allow your sadness privately with your partner whilst also be there for your family members.

Thank you @ritalinda I've not mentioned my feelings at all to them because they don't need to be burdened with my sadness on top of dealing with their own. DH is very matter of fact and doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I feel like am grieving which does seem a little melodramatic to him!

DH and I will try and revive the phonecalls and text messages/family whatsapp groups though, I think it will help us all to stay better connected.

@GiltEdges I don't believe I'm self centred at all. I don't blame MIL leaving because nobody should put up with a narc. And yes, MIL values my opinion very much and I hers.

And yes, Emma could do with all the support she can get and very grateful for any offer of help.

The dynamic was fine when we moved away. Things changed during and after lockdown.

Oh that sounds sad, no wonder you feel sad. I would too. Break ups affect all family dynamics. This sort of situation sucks, its not easy seeing people you love go through it.