Separation anxiety 7m old and back to work

[LydiaFTM]

I'm going back to work in 3 weeks time when my little one will be 7 months old (please no judgement... obviously if I could afford to take longer on maternity leave I would).

I will be doing 3 full days a week to start with then 4, with one day off. He will be going to either my mum's, my dad's or nursery when I'm at work.

My problem is that he has in the last couple of weeks reached the stage where he knows when I leave him, and is suffering separation anxiety. I've left him a couple of times with grandparents for short periods while I go to appointments and he just won't settle. So me going back to work is coming at just the wrong time.

Has anyone got any tips to ease the transition? We are going to keep doing short sessions where he is left but I was wondering if there is anything else we can try. He has spent time with his grandparents so knows them.

Also, has anyone been through the same? How long did it take your little one to get used to being left?

Hi @LydiaFTM, we're just bumping your thread - hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along soon with a bit of a advice and support.

@DawnMumsnet thank you, very much appreciated!

In fact we're going to move this over to our Chat topic because we think you'll get more responses there. Hang on...

My DD1 was 5.5 months when I went back to work first time around, you’re not alone and in many countries 7 months would be ages of time off

Just wanted to say settling sessions and distractions are the way to go - work up to a whole day if you have time before you go to work

You may get some thoughts on here that it’s too many places to be split across 1x day a week and that may mean settling takes longer

And remember DC are flexible - some consistency is fine but they will get used to a routine of X here, and Y there

Thank you @pitterpatterrain

I understand what you're saying about it being too many different places. I can't ask the two grandparents to have more than one day each though and we are using them to cut down on nursery costs (plus they are keen to have him... that might change if he screams all day though!).

Im just so anxious about how unsettled he will be and how long it will take him to settle. I was looking for a bit of reassurance but i suppose no one can really say for sure. We are definitely doing some short sessions and building it up but I've only got 3 weeks left so not sure how much progress we can make!

There is no perfect solution and tbh each child is going to be wildly different no matter what various gurus say

It’s about whether you are comfortable - it’s ok to be a working mum and you can’t be the one that always gives the cuddle in that circumstance - but it’s ok - they are with people who care and they will adjust

The funny thing is how little they remember of those years - and my eldest DD is now 8 and I had so many frets and tears over nursery and other things at times and she’s a happy amazing person

Back yourself, you’ll be great and your DC will be too

And if it doesn’t work, change it up. No plan survives intact fully !

I went back to work when both of my DC were 6 months. You can only do what you only do.

What did help with DS1 was putting him in full time childcare even though I didn't need to. I worked shifts and wanted to keep him home with me on my days off. We still had to pay for my days off because they changed each week to keep the space. So we just sent him in every day and it helped him settle so much better.

It was slightly different with DS2 because I worked part time so we didn't use childcare. But he was fine without me being there all of the time too.