How to make mum feel included in pregnancy?

[twomumsonebump]

Hello! Sorry if I put this on the wrong board - I wasn't sure where it should go!

My DW and I are expecting our first baby in May. Everyone is super excited as it's the first grandchild on both sides!

My MIL has gone so overboard buying us clothes etc, which we are extremely grateful for but it is also incredibly overwhelming. The problem is my mum has recently confessed to feeling like she can't buy us anything because it's already been done, and that it's sort of been taken from her. We also live with my MIL so she's been around every day from the beginning.

What can I do to help my mum feel more included and bonded with her granddaughter? Any help or suggestions are so appreciated!

Well your MIL is also your DWs mother, so they are going to be closer naturally, especially as you all live together. I suggest you ask your mum to pay for a spa day for your Dw and herself to relax and chat. It's not all about 'stuff'. Or any kind of treat for your wife, like afternoon tea. Concentrate on them having a good relationship and grandma stuff will follow

Perhaps she can buy books, or toys? I find it really helpful when my mum and MIL buy second hand stuff. I want to be sustainable but can’t spend two hours going to buy some secondhand wooden fruit.
Kids don’t give a shit about clothes but the baby will remember the books for ever.
(She can find the perfect books for your baby, like ‘mommy, mama, and me’.

Just to clarify, I'm the one that's pregnant! DW also feels overwhelmed by the amount her own mum has bought.

Would you consider taking her for a private scan. My mum was desperate to come to mine but only one adult allowed and I took DH. I paid for a private one at around 32 weeks. My mum loved it.

I think you and your Mum are both overthinking things. The more genuinely nice and least concerned about her given 'role' the more she will be seen as genuinely a joy to be around. So she might just be sympathetic or offer to do a bit of shopping or get some nice treats for your wife - favourite foods, toiletries, books etc whatever she likes. That's what will be appreciated. From there she will be easy company and welcomed.

Sorry just read the recent message. Just reassure her. A granny who is fun, plays games, tells stories and is just interested is enough.

Why do you live with your MIL? Is this a temporary situation or longer term? Does your MIL usually make a lot of the decisions in the house, perhaps this is what she's used to & she / your DW simply haven't realised that it's not appropriate to take over your pregnancy like this? Has it not occurred to either of them that other people might like to have some input, including yourself?

If your MIL is taking over, you need to get your DW to speak with her.