Do I need to feel guilty about leaving a child out when they get to 13 years?

[Dembones292]

DD is about to turn 13. She's very lucky in that she has quite a few friends, some old friends from primary and some that she's made in secondary. There's one girl from primary who she's not as close to anymore however I'm good friends with her mum.

Her birthday is coming up and we really can't afford a big party plus I think now she's older the days of inviting all her friends are over until they can go down the pub! Anyway I've organised 2 things, one is a sleepover on her actual birthday (she's invited 2 of her new secondary school friends for this). The other is an event a month after her birthday. I can only take a car full (the primary school friends).

This leaves out about 5 new secondary school friends and 1 from primary school, the girl she's not close to anymore. I know if its talked about in school I might get a comment off my friend whose DD isn't invited.

Should I try and include her somewhere or am I over thinking this? I've tried very hard not exclude anyone over the years but DD really isn't close to this girl anymore. I cant help but feel bad though.

No don't try to include her - your daughter should be choosing who comes anyway not you. If the mother says anything then say numbers were very limited and you don't think they're quite as close any more. She's not able to invite some of her close friends so why would you invite this girl?

Gowithme thankyou, DD has invited who she wants to, well she'd like to invite everyone but she understands we can't so she's invited her closest friends and the sleepover won't cost us anything so it hasn't been expensive. It's very difficult when you make friends with school mums and then your child drifts away from theirs!

We’re in this dilemma op. It’s my dds birthday soon and we can only afford a small sleepover. She’s torn because she’s got so many sets of friends, she’s stuck between primary friends, secondary friends and the neighbours kids who she plays out with every day. I’m feeling a horrible sense of duty about a couple of them just because how close I am with the parents who have done a lot for us, when my dd don’t really want to pick them. I think all you can do is leave it up to your dd. You’ll need to point it out to your friends that friendships change as they get older and they’re no longer that close

I’d have been horrified at 13 to get a ‘duty’ invitation…and would have felt very patronised. Surely the other girl has her own friends whom she is closer to than your DD. Equally, as a parent you have to accept that your DC isn’t going to be invited even if you are best friends with the parents. We have this all the time as we live a fair distance from my school friends…why on earth would their 9 year olds invite my 9 year old?

Relationships change as they get older. Your friend is probably aware they're not as close as they used to be, so I'd let your DD chose who she wants as it'll only cause tension.

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel better. If the mum is arsey with me (and she has been in the past about a similar situation) then I'll just have to suck it up.