Mealtime battles

[DuckingAunts]

Our DCs are generally good eaters. Not especially fussy, will try most things.

I don’t really care whether they finish their plate at every single meal (most of the time they do).

DH thinks they should clear their plates every time and is a massive bore about it.

I can’t get worked up over a couple of left over potato wedges.

What do other people think?

I agree with you...as long as they've eaten a decent amount and some veg, then I don't insist on every morsel being eaten

It's really damaging to force children to eat past the point of satiety. It trains them to ignore signals from their body they are full.

On the other hand, if they are eating like pigeons then wailing for pudding or demanding snacks 30 mins later then your DH has a point.

On balance I'd say you are more right than your DH.

You are in the right here. I agree with the previous poster that making them eat what they don't want is damaging to children and they end up dreading mealtimes.

A compromise would be to put a little less on their plates and when they have finished that, ask if they want seconds.

That’s what I think too.

And it’s all the guilt tripping about waste and climate change and starving children. It’s so unnecessary and stressful.

Your husband’s behaviour is awful.

Please get him to read up on this, I can’t think of any good, contemporary parenting advice that would suggest what he is doing.

How old are they?

I really don’t see any benefit in forcing someone who says they’re full to eat more. Especially if the amount on their plate was decided by someone else. What does it achieve?

If they are old enough that they’re serving themselves I’d be encouraging them to serve smaller portions and have seconds if still hungry, to minimise waste.

They’re five and eight. Five year old tried everything on their plate, decided they didn’t like one element so asked to leave it and they finished everything else. I was totally fine with it. DH got all Victorian Dad and started boring on about food waste and starving children. It makes mealtimes so unpleasant when it just doesn’t need to be. He’s acting like they eat sweets all day and refuse all dinner, but he’s just totally made up that scenario in his head and doesn’t reflect reality at all. It’s weird.

His view is quite old fashioned. I'd guess he was brought up like that?

We've never made DS eat everything. If he's full, he's full. There's nothing else afterwards if he's full though. He's 13 now so gets his own portion and if he's still hungry afterwards he goes for seconds.
I was made to eat everything on my plate as was DH. It causes no end of problems with over eating as an adult.

@Comedycook

His view is quite old fashioned. I'd guess he was brought up like that?

Yeah his dad was a war baby and grew up with all the generational anxiety about rationing. Whenever we go for dinner at his parents his dad always makes a point of saying he expects clean plates and in my head I’m just like oh shut up we’re not in the war now.

I was made to finish everything on my plate as a child or else I wouldn't be allowed anything else later on: "If you weren't hungry enough for dinner, you're not hungry enough for toast..." and it's really fucked me up as an adult. I now eat really quickly so I don't feel too full too quickly because I'm afraid that if I get hungry later I can't have anything; I'm an adult though so I can and therefore do get something else. That's part of the reason why I'm fat now.

I never force my dc to finish anything if they've had a good go at it.

@DuckingAunts

That’s what I think too.

And it’s all the guilt tripping about waste and climate change and starving children. It’s so unnecessary and stressful.

If he was that bothered about climate change, he wouldn't have had children - he's a hypocrite. Forcing children to eat is horrid.