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If you have no one, how do you cope?

15 replies

WineSeemsHelpful · 13/02/2022 18:31

I have no friends. No partner. Family are 3 hours away. When things are hard, when you feel really low and alone, when you need a hug .. how do you cope?
I feel I'm emotionally strong and usually plod on. But I don't think I've ever felt like this. I just want a hug. Some reassurance from someone who loves me. And I can't have it

What would you do? What do you do?

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 13/02/2022 18:33

I have no one apart from my children, no friends, no partner, family but I don’t speak to them, they were never a huggy family so it’s not something I miss as I never got one anyway!

Jellykat · 13/02/2022 18:40

I too just plod on, i've not spoken to anyone this weekend, which is normal.. however, i was in tears this morning.
Tomorrow, work by myself.
Thing is i'm actually quite funny, i love a laugh with people to keep me going, but that seems to becoming more of a rare occurrence as years goes by.

Babdoc · 13/02/2022 18:56

I know things have been extra difficult during the pandemic, but I would strongly advise OP and PPs to start getting out and meeting some potential friends. Are there any hobbies you would enjoy pursuing with like minded people, how about joining a book circle or walking group, do you have a religious faith- churches are v welcoming and often have coffee and chat after the service.
I have been widowed for 30 years, raised my two DDs alone from babyhood, and have been living completely alone since they left home for uni and then jobs 14 years ago. My nearest other relatives are 250 miles away. But I manage fine - I know God is always with me and loves me, and I enjoy my hobby clubs where I get a nice chat. Life is very much what you make it.

Puffalicious · 13/02/2022 19:01

I have no other solutions than ave already been suggested. I'm sending OP and PP a virtual hug 🤗🫂. I'm a very huggy person and couldn't survive without mine. I'm known as the hugging teacher at school if anyone needs one (pre-Covid). It's so sad how many teens really, really need a hug: even sadder they get fewer at the minute. I'm looking forward to starting hugging them all again.

Please join some clubs/ hobbies/ go on a singles holiday.Flowers

EBearhug · 13/02/2022 19:01

Take a deep breath and plod on. With occasional floods of tears. I do have quite a few friends, but most of them aren't local.

MissMaple82 · 13/02/2022 19:07

Nothing, just console yourself, self care and wait fir the feeling to pass

PerkingFaintly · 13/02/2022 19:20

Apart from cry (which I do a lot) I mostly go on MN's The Litter Tray and look at cat pics.Grin

It isn't what you'd call a life. But it's what I got, so I'll keep on keeping on till I don't any more.

Flowers OP. It's rough being alone.

Lightstoobright · 13/02/2022 19:20

I have a meditation practice where I send love to myself which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Other physical things: do an online yoga session, take a bubble bath, make a great plate of healthy food, call a friend, would stroke a cat if I still had one, watch a comedy...

Long term, invest in friendships and community.

WineSeemsHelpful · 13/02/2022 19:25

Thanks so far x

OP posts:
leavingtime · 13/02/2022 19:47

I live on my own and have done for years. So you get used to it and find inner resources and there is so much to do in life alone or not. I rarely see adult sons now for valid, various reasons. 2 'friends' took advantage of the pandemic to isolate and then move house...without telling people! That hurt. Other old friends have passed away/remarried/moved away.

I have also just extricated myself from a 'friend' who was being emotionally abusive and I just couldn't take any more. So very alone. But it had to be done. Recovering at the moment.

I have a lot of interests, walk a lot, and have an agenda for the week to keep me busy and in a bit of a routine. So try not to have too much time to think and get low. I have a plan/something to see to every morning/afternoon/evening. At weekends I stay close to home, the world and traffic is mad then anyway [and full of couples and families]. I'll do stuff in the house, choose good tv/catch up, you tube/forums, walks, reading, gardening, baking, cook nice meals, DIY, puzzles, drawing, long baths, shop locally etc.

I know it's hard, especially if you aren't used to it. I have faith though, that things will change and every day is a new start to the rest of your life so I'm optimistic most of the time and like my own company though I have a great sense of humour and love laughing.

I was an only child for my first 11 years though and I learnt to rely on my own company then, and it set me up well. I also witnessed my grandmother who was very alone, very stoic but made the most of every day so I had a great role model there. If fate says I am as dignified with solitude as she was then it's fine with me.

Wordlewords78 · 13/02/2022 19:52

@leavingtime

I live on my own and have done for years. So you get used to it and find inner resources and there is so much to do in life alone or not. I rarely see adult sons now for valid, various reasons. 2 'friends' took advantage of the pandemic to isolate and then move house...without telling people! That hurt. Other old friends have passed away/remarried/moved away.

I have also just extricated myself from a 'friend' who was being emotionally abusive and I just couldn't take any more. So very alone. But it had to be done. Recovering at the moment.

I have a lot of interests, walk a lot, and have an agenda for the week to keep me busy and in a bit of a routine. So try not to have too much time to think and get low. I have a plan/something to see to every morning/afternoon/evening. At weekends I stay close to home, the world and traffic is mad then anyway [and full of couples and families]. I'll do stuff in the house, choose good tv/catch up, you tube/forums, walks, reading, gardening, baking, cook nice meals, DIY, puzzles, drawing, long baths, shop locally etc.

I know it's hard, especially if you aren't used to it. I have faith though, that things will change and every day is a new start to the rest of your life so I'm optimistic most of the time and like my own company though I have a great sense of humour and love laughing.

I was an only child for my first 11 years though and I learnt to rely on my own company then, and it set me up well. I also witnessed my grandmother who was very alone, very stoic but made the most of every day so I had a great role model there. If fate says I am as dignified with solitude as she was then it's fine with me.

What a great post leavingtime. I think many people could learn from your attitude and experience.
leavingtime · 13/02/2022 19:55

Thank you very much Wordlewords78 that was kind and really welcome.

MintMocha · 13/02/2022 20:00

I just keep going. You learn to live with no hugs etc. Spend time online.

Family is a continent away and not that interested. Not a lot of friends, and no one that I'd feel confident just ringing to talk to or anything.

I get sustenance from memories and daydreams; from books; from distractions online. I do puzzles, read books, wander around in town to at least see people. I join hobby groups so that I see people in person, even if it's not personal in any way. I go to concerts or cinema, so that I feel like I'm doing something with my life.

It's very lonely, but you survive. Just knowing the world is out there.

leavingtime · 13/02/2022 20:21

MintMocha I also get a lot of comfort from memories and daydreams. I've had a very interesting life and a lot of affection, fun and love has come my way in the past so I'm very thankful for that. I have wonderful dreams sometimes and that can keep me on a cloud all day!

Books mean a lot to me, I learn/have learnt so so much and reading a good book make me so happy! I'm also going to get back into going to the cinema again, I can concentrate on a film better when on my own...also enjoy eating out on my own too [only in the daytime though]. Doing it the first few times may be difficult for some though.

I too just push on, every day. Get up, take a deep breath. There's no alternative. I'm just appreciative of what I do have...home, food, health, sunshine, nature etc.

OP sorry I haven't found the answer to missing hugs. There's no easy answer to that.

WineSeemsHelpful · 13/02/2022 22:23

Comforting and despairing to know I'm not alone

Idk see the points of keeping busy, making a life,

I just need a hug now

OP posts:
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