Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Muslim lady leaving work help with gifts

39 replies

Thatswhathappens · 13/02/2022 14:08

My really good colleague is leaving tomorrow and she is Muslim, I have got her flowers, milk tray and some fenty make up (mascara and eye shadow) am just checking this is ok please? I’m going to miss her so much!!

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 13/02/2022 14:12

Yes it's fine.

marihen1 · 13/02/2022 14:13

Yeah sounds fine

NuffSaidSam · 13/02/2022 14:14

Surely, as with all leaving gifts it will depend on the individual?

If she's a vegan with a flower allergy, then no, that's not a good choice of gifts.

If she likes chocolate, flowers and make-up then you've made threw good choices.

tunainatin · 13/02/2022 14:17

As above!

Thebetterplace · 13/02/2022 14:20

Yeah lovely gifts

Original poster
Thatswhathappens · 13/02/2022 14:21

Thankyou, didn’t really need sarcastic answers tbh, I was just double checking, she is an amazing friend and work colleague and I just wanted to double check! Thankyou

OP posts:
RogueV · 13/02/2022 14:24

Sounds great!

AgentProvocateur · 13/02/2022 14:37

Genuine question - why would you think it wouldn’t be ok?

A lot of MNers seem to think that Muslims are some sort of alien species.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 13/02/2022 14:41

If she's such an amazing friend, then surely you would know what she likes?

Why do you need MN's blessing?

emuloc · 13/02/2022 14:44

What are you checking for tough. If the gifts are alright, or if they are alright for a Muslim women. I take it you have checked that there is no pork gelatine in the chocs for instance.

bonfireheart · 13/02/2022 14:44

Tbf as a Muslim I can see why OP asked. Some chocolates have alcohol and animal products, as does some makeup.

ENoeuf · 13/02/2022 14:44

‘AgentProvocateur

Genuine question - why would you think it wouldn’t be ok?

A lot of MNers seem to think that Muslims are some sort of alien species.‘

^^this. Although I’ve been piled on for suggesting people stop asking this - it smacks of virtue signalling or silent othering. If I know someone well enough to be the active gifter I know what to get and what not to. It’s always Muslims as well like they are the only ones that might be offended.

Hellocatshome · 13/02/2022 14:51

Honestly Muslims are people too you know. Individual people not a homogenous group. What one person may like another person my not like. If you get something wrong unless they are a twat they will say thank you then bin/regift it. However as she is your good friend you should know perfectly well what she does/doesnt like or what may be inappropriate.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/02/2022 14:52

I always find things like this odd too Confused as though Muslims are a completely different species.

HelloDulling · 13/02/2022 14:58

@Hellocatshome

Honestly Muslims are people too you know. Individual people not a homogenous group. What one person may like another person my not like. If you get something wrong unless they are a twat they will say thank you then bin/regift it. However as she is your good friend you should know perfectly well what she does/doesnt like or what may be inappropriate.
It’s not about what she will like, though, is it? The OP is obviously, and thoughtfully, checking there are no rules she has missed. For example, I was told last week that Muslim women cannot have gel nail polish, so a voucher for a Shellac manicure would not be suitable. (I haven’t verified this, by the way, but a fellow client in the salon I go to was explaining why she only ever has normal polish, so it’s certainly a rule she follows)
ChardonnaysPetDragon · 13/02/2022 15:01

The OP is obviously, and thoughtfully, checking there are no rules she has missed.

She says they are good friends though. Surely with someone who is a good friend you know what's suitable or not?

ENoeuf · 13/02/2022 15:03

Its always Muslims though. I never see posts / as many posts about what might offend anyone else’s beliefs or culture. It’s othering - implicit that Muslims are easily offended and won’t just bin something if they don’t want it (which most people would do).

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 13/02/2022 15:06

@ENoeuf

Its always Muslims though. I never see posts / as many posts about what might offend anyone else’s beliefs or culture. It’s othering - implicit that Muslims are easily offended and won’t just bin something if they don’t want it (which most people would do).
I think it's very self centred, look at me, how wonderful I am, I have amazing Muslim friends.
NuffSaidSam · 13/02/2022 15:08

Not all Muslims follow the rules to the same degree. They're all different, you know, like all other religions! There may well be Muslims who wouldn't appreciate make-up as a gift, for example. But if this specific lady wears make-up then it's fine.

Hellocatshome · 13/02/2022 15:10

For example, I was told last week that Muslim women cannot have gel nail polish, so a voucher for a Shellac manicure would not be suitable.

But this is exactly the problem, Muslims come in many shapes and sizes the same way Christians do you can't quote a blanket rule and apply it to every Muslim person. I know Christians who work on a Sunday and Muslims who drink. She is a person not a religion.

ENoeuf · 13/02/2022 15:14

‘ChardonnaysPetDragon

ENoeuf
Its always Muslims though. I never see posts / as many posts about what might offend anyone else’s beliefs or culture. It’s othering - implicit that Muslims are easily offended and won’t just bin something if they don’t want it (which most people would do).
I think it's very self centred, look at me, how wonderful I am, I have amazing Muslim friends.’

I agree but people seem to think it’s just being thoughtful Confused

Staffy1 · 13/02/2022 15:17

@AgentProvocateur

Genuine question - why would you think it wouldn’t be ok?

A lot of MNers seem to think that Muslims are some sort of alien species.

It’s a reasonable enough question. Some ingredients or items might not be appropriate for other cultures or religions that might not immediately occur to everyone. I had no idea Muslims didn’t really have dogs as pets until recently.
emsmar · 13/02/2022 15:19

Bloody Nora. Some of you would cause an argument in an empty room.

They sound like lovely gifts!

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 13/02/2022 15:19

I’m Muslim and no I won’t be offended. I’m also not offended when I receive Christmas cards etc but media likes to tell everyone Muslims get offended by everything. A lot of Muslims accept gifts graciously even if they contain alcohol etc as they don’t expect people to be well versed in things especially as there are so many different opinions even among Muslims (eg never heard of gel nail polish being forbidden 🤷‍♀️) so best is to gauge how orthodox the person is and their general lifestyle. Back in the day my mum would always gifts to neighbours and they would too but if she received something ‘wrong’ she would just give it to another neighbour who was able to have it, it really wasn’t a big deal But it’s nice you that you’re making the effort. If someone is the offended type that’s their personality don’t think their religion has anything to do with it.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/02/2022 15:21

Some ingredients or items might not be appropriate for other cultures or religions that might not immediately occur to everyone.

But the people within those cultures are all different. Some muslims enjoy a drink whilst others wouldn't touch a drop whereas others swear by a bacon sandwich and others wouldn't dare eat pork. Surely if they're amazing friends/colleagues the OP would know what would or wouldn't work for her friend.