Screen/gaming time - 11/12 yr old boys

[tiffanyheart]

My DS (11) would happily spend all day at the weekends playing FIFA online with his friends and watching You Tube videos.

He's long past the age of being interested in board games and Lego. We play cards on holiday (he's not interested at home) and I sometimes despatch him up to his room for half an hour to read a book. He also very occasionally goes to the park to kick a ball around with a friend, and he also does football. And obviously we go out as a family and see grandparents etc. But generally it's just screens, screens, screens.

I hate what tech has done to our children (and us). It's like dealing with an addict. Its his whole mental framework is centred around when he can next be online.

What do you all do? Interested to hear as it really bugs me. I don't think there's an easy answer though...

It sounds like he's addicted. Games are designed to be addictive, so it's really no wonder.
Could you get him away from his devices and have a sensible chat with him about it. Possibly let him help set some time limits and other things he like to do when not gaming?

I do nothing.
I've played games for 35+ years and these days the entire social landscape is geared around being online and connected.
You see him sitting playing a game all day, but really he's interacting with friends whilst using maths to figure out football team and plays, plus he's using hand eye coordination and firing the synapses far more than of he was staring at a TV or bored doing something you have decided he should find fun.

I don’t know what to do it’s the same here and there’s a 9 year old who follows his brother in all things.

I took their screens away for a week after an incident and it was like having different (nice) children but that was a punishment for something pretty major and if they are accessible in any way at all they will sneak off to try a snatch a few minutes on them. It’s exactly like an addiction and exhausting constantly policing them

I took their screens away for a week after an incident and it was like having different (nice) children
Same here! DS's behaviour deteriorates significantly if he has too much screen time and he loses the ability to do anything else because he just wants more screens.

DS is 12. As a base, he gets 0 gaming time during the week and 0 at the weekends.
If he brings home work graded with:
5 - 30 minutes per day at the weekend
6 - 60
7 - 90
8 - 120
He can choose gaming on the Switch or iPad, but the total time is the same.
Educational screen time is not restricted (maths game, vocab app, touch typing etc). Youtube does not count!
Holidays generally count as weekends so the last piece of work/test he does before the holidays is very important! During the holidays I expect them to have done something sensible or gone out for a bit before they have screens.

@ReturnOfTheBlackSheep when you say 'done something sensible'...what kind of stuff do you mean? Baking? Garden play? Not being facetious...I'm genuinely curious.

Depends how annoying they're being and how much patience I have! Helping with a chore without fuss; emptying the dishwasher, loading the machine, folding a load, cleaning the windows, vacuuming, tidying their bedroom, baking something. Or writing a story, colouring, drawing a picture, half an hour maths game, making something, craft kit, painting. Or Lego, jigsaw, board game, crossword, word search. Or playing out, coming for a run with me. Basically occupy himself non-destructively and non-argumentatively for half an hour (usually ends up more tbh as once he starts something he gets engrossed in it).

DS is 13.
He does three football training sessions and two matches per week over Thurs-Sun.
Usually goes somewhere such as cinema or trampoline on a weekend.
Watches football on TV when his preferred teams play.
Rest of time providing homework is done he does as he likes (usually fifa online with friends he plays football with)
He is also expected to tidy own room, make bed, puts washing away and help with dishes.
I don't limit his screen time as such but he usually has few hours per night and is in bed lights out for 10pm during week.
During school holidays he usually goes out with friends, still does football and does a couple days out with us. Usually likes to do quad biking or Karting etc so I tend two let him choose one a week. Rest of time he does spend on fifa or watching netflix so again few hours a day

I love gaming but it can become addictive especially during the teen years. When my DS's turned 11 I had a chat with them about tech time. We had an agreement about expectations and consequences e.g. no mobiles in room overnight, reasonable use during the week, family meals at the tables etc As I could afford it they had a choice to do 1 x social activity , 1 x music and 1 x sport as well as homework completed on time. This worked well and during holidays they could game to their eyes turned square.

The WiFi box lived in my room and was turned off overnight. During the summer holidays we would review the agreement and make changes.It was not always perfect but clear boundaries helped alot.

I have no limits, I realise it's the way the world is now. But I do take it off him for 30 mins if he's rude, or doesn't do something he should. He is hard to prise off it and tempt with something else, although I do make an effort and once we get focused on something else, he is fine. He'd always rather be in his room, alone, on electronics though- always.

They are digital natives.

We are digital immigrants.

I think that’s why we stress about it so much - we’re seeing it from a whole different landscape

Do you think they grow out of this phase?

My nephews are 15 and 12 and utterly addicted, to the point that they will sneak out of family gatherings (taking place at home) with cousins of their own age, in order to game alone in their rooms. They have unlimited gaming time every day, which often means full weekends of gaming.

They play 1hr sports at the weekend but will literally stop gaming 15 mins before it's time to leave and then back on it 15 mins after they are back, for the rest of the day.

We all live together so I see this day in and day out. It doesn't bother their parents but I find it incredibly rude and antisocial.

@MaryAndHerNet

I do nothing. I've played games for 35+ years and these days the entire social landscape is geared around being online and connected. You see him sitting playing a game all day, but really he's interacting with friends whilst using maths to figure out football team and plays, plus he's using hand eye coordination and firing the synapses far more than of he was staring at a TV or bored doing something you have decided he should find fun.

Surely that depends what they are playing? Football games might need strategy but what about things like Fortnite?

(A genuine question, not trying to be rude or provoke)

Fortnite involves a hell of a lot of planning and thinking and building and strategy.

Don't watch a game and think that it's just run shoot jump.
There's build styles, tanks, helaers, rogues.
There's damage per second stats that vary per weapon.
There's armour stats that stack and need balance.
There's buff numbers and leveling stats and more and more and more.

And that's all character based. In Fortnite, there's also actual building of buildings and using basic architectural strategy to build protective structures that take into account sight lines, defense stats, pathing of players. Etc etc etc.

All this is done by the player on the fly in the heat of battle with decisions being made in split seconds.

Some see someone sat with a controller, shooting.
But look deeper... You'll see interactions, split second decision making, stats and maths calculations made on the fly, defensive designs, conversations, strategy etc. Brain would be lit up like blackpool.

DS1 is 17 and hardly ever on it now. Between A level work, girlfriend, job and football there isn’t a huge amount of time for gaming.

DS2 is 11 and on it quite a lot. He does football training 3 nights a week (2 hours each night) plus matches Saturdays and Sundays so he is very active. As long as he has done his homework and reading I pretty much let him have free rein on when he goes on it. He speaks to his friends and plays FIFA. Some days he will be on there 20 minutes, some days 2-3 hours.