Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

House guest etiquette

32 replies

AlexaShutUp · 12/02/2022 09:36

16yo dd is going to stay with the relative of a friend who has very kindly offered to host them during the half term.

DD is very sociable and makes excellent company, and she is also very self aware so I don't think she will be making any major faux-pas, but thanks to the pandemic, it's ages since we have stayed with anyone and I want to make sure that she is aware of all of the relevant etiquette.

I think she will think of obvious stuff like helping to clear up after dinner, tidying up after herself etc, but what else does she need to be aware of so as not to be a PITA guest please?!

I am going to suggest that she gets a little gift for her host, but should this be given at the beginning of their stay or the end? Are flowers the most suitable option?

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 12/02/2022 09:43

The beginning of the stay. Extra points for sending a thank you card afterwards. Go to bed first. Don't hog the bathroom.

MmeHennyPenny · 12/02/2022 09:56

Try not to leave a trail of footprints in talcum powder from the bathroom back to your bedroom!
That’s what I was greeted with this morning.
I didn’t realise that people still used talcum powder but our houseguest has obviously brought a plentiful supply with her this weekend.

Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 12/02/2022 10:08

Excellent plan @coodawoodashooda. Gift at beginning and thank you card afterwards. Will pass on the other tips as well.

Thankfully she doesn't use talcum powder @MmeHennyPenny, but the point probably stands for other things that might make a mess as well!Grin

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
coodawoodashooda · 12/02/2022 10:48

Don't rearrange the house.

TeenPlusCat · 12/02/2022 11:16

Ask politely what sort of time the household gets up and fit in with that.

TeenPlusCat · 12/02/2022 11:16

@coodawoodashooda

Don't rearrange the house.
?!
Gwenhwyfar · 12/02/2022 11:21

Why go to bed first?
And why can't she have a lie in if she's on holiday and there are no particular plans? Or even get up earlier than the rest?

dogmandu · 12/02/2022 11:28

@Gwenhwyfar

Why go to bed first? And why can't she have a lie in if she's on holiday and there are no particular plans? Or even get up earlier than the rest?
We had guests of whom one always got up around lunchtime. Any plans we had for a days outing were not possible.

We waited in vain for breakfast as we didn't want to start without her, but that ended up being around 11.30.

She basically ruined everything.

Skyeheather · 12/02/2022 11:35

Ask when it's okay to use the bathroom, I have a daily routine and I hate it when a guest decides to take a shower two minutes before I was about to have mine. Also leave the bathroom asap, don't sit in there and do your make up, you can do that in your bedroom.

Don't hog the TV remote and watch what you want for hours at a time. Pick up your cups, plates etc and put your rubbish in the bin.

MrsGatsby99 · 12/02/2022 11:46

If it’s for a week, maybe ask if there are any chores she can do to help out. Maybe she could cook one evening or pay for a takeaway or something. Always nice to have a night off for the host, I think.

When she leaves, make sure she leaves room tidy, clears away anything and ask if they would like her to strip the bed.

That is more than enough thoughtfulness! Have a good time too.

StrawberryFever · 12/02/2022 11:47

Be careful/considerate where you use any sprays e.g. deodorant/perfume/hair etc i.e. not in a shared bathroom so the next person to use it chokes on the fumes and not over a shiny floor which may become a skating rink with the addition of a fine mist of whatever substance.

Not just don't hog the bathroom as a pp put but using a shared bathroom check if anyone needs to use it at a specific time (e.g. to get to work) if planning to shower first thing/ or if anyone needs to use it before going in if later in the day.

Don't hog the hot water.

Offer to help cook, but stay out of the way if they don't want help and are a stressy cook.

How long is she staying? What are they going to be doing? Has money for any outings / meals out etc been pre-discussed? In general, she should have enough money with her to at least offer to 'treat' the host at some point if they're getting out and about with the host (whether dinner/ coffee and cake/ ticket to the cinema) but that obviously does depend on a) what's been pre-arranged, b) the composition of the host family, c) how they're spending their time and d) how long she's there i.e. no-ones going to expect her to treat an entire host family of 9 people to dinner in a restaurant for a two night stay, but if she's staying for a week with a single aunt of the friend, offering to take her out to dinner or coffee and cake, depending on available funds, would be nice.

ChazzaGirl · 12/02/2022 11:50

Offering to do the odd chore, e.g, washing up occasionally, does the host need any help with hoovering, cooking etc? If I was the host I wouldn’t expect or want my guest to any housework but I’d certainly appreciate the offer!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/02/2022 11:52

"We had guests of whom one always got up around lunchtime. Any plans we had for a days outing were not possible."

But then there were specific plans. My question was why do people have to all get up at the same time if there aren't specific plans.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 12/02/2022 11:58

Send her with a note from you saying you’ll pay for a takeaway one night.

Lay table, clear table, wash up. Offer to cook if she has a speciality or favourite to share.

Do a tiny bit of research on the area in case they ask what she’d like to do?

Kshhuxnxk · 12/02/2022 12:02

Crikey not much of a holiday is it! Apart from a small gift on arrival everything else would make me as a host feel unco.fortable. Guests arrive and eat and sleep as they want to. If anyone needs bathroom at specific times or plans are made to go somewhere I'll let them know. Apart from that relax and enjoy themselves.

ruthieness · 12/02/2022 12:04

Not really applicable to a weeks stay but when people stay overnight we leave them a bath towel each and a hand towel - I ask the guests to leave used towels on the floor -
not folded up neatly so I can’t remember if it is a fresh one I have just put out!
Also If it is left folded then I know it has not been used - But I still tend to chuck it in the quick wash just in case!!

bostonchamps · 12/02/2022 12:14

@Kshhuxnxk

Crikey not much of a holiday is it! Apart from a small gift on arrival everything else would make me as a host feel unco.fortable. Guests arrive and eat and sleep as they want to. If anyone needs bathroom at specific times or plans are made to go somewhere I'll let them know. Apart from that relax and enjoy themselves.
Honestly this. I have guests all the time and if they behaved the way some are saying they should on this thread nobody would enjoy themselves, especially not me.

As long as she doesn't lie in bed all day surrounded by dirty mugs and cups and then take an hour long shower she'll be fine.

Arriving with a nice bottle of wine never hurts though.

roastedsaltedpeanut · 12/02/2022 12:32

I must say I never invite anyone to stay more than two nights.
However, once I invite someone I expect them disruption to my usual routine and I expect myself to play hostess and look after their needs. I don’t demand my guest to comply themselves to my schedule.

Just tell her to bring a thank you gift, giving it at the end is also fine. Sending a thank you card would be amazing.
Tidy up after herself and treat their home with respect. Enjoy and have fun!

kindlyensure · 12/02/2022 12:42

I just like a nice smiley guest.

Don't need them to get up at any time or do any particular chores. Don't need them to strip beds. Don't want them to cook. But it's lovely when they appear to be having a nice time. So pleases, thank yous/This is delicious/I slept so well/you have a nice hot shower/What an interesting view .

(Even if you think the bed's lumpy and the shower is cold and the food is rank and the view is ugly).

girlwhowearsglasses · 12/02/2022 12:46

I'm talking from having had a wide selection of teenagers visiting us for weeks at a time - for work experience, or to see a new city, or to work out what they want to do next.. They've by and large been lovely - and they've stayed longer than an adult would because they've been invited into the family - so washing up and so on have been welcome. They've been old enough to look after themselves but young enough to need a family around them. Often it's nice to have a newcomer in household because they make you see things with new eyes - which is why I suggested they have a think about what they'd like to do - its nice to have visitors who have an opinion rather than 'oh let's take you to this museum/activity/restaurant we always go to.

I wish someone would take my now nearly 16 YO on for a week now, but nobody seems to have volunteered :-(

KirstenBlest · 12/02/2022 13:33

Look up the area before going and find some places to visit ir activities to do, so that when asked can say 'I'd like to go to Highclere, because of Downton Abbey olease' or 'Could we go to the Swindon/Bicester outlet village, please?' or 'Could we see Oxford, please' or whatever.

I like guests to say if they would like to do something as otherwise they might not love what i'd planned.

KirstenBlest · 12/02/2022 13:35

I agree with the not spraying deodorants and scent in shared areas.

XP had a horrible habit of spraying deodorant on himself on the landing and it stank the whole house out.

KirstenBlest · 12/02/2022 13:41

Thought of other ones - not dump things just anywhere. By that, I mean not leave half drunk cups of tea or glass of juice on any old surface especially the floor

If there is a surface that isn't a table, to not use it as one.

To not rummage

HollowTalk · 12/02/2022 13:46

That poor girl - if you give her a list of rules like that then she won't enjoy her stay. Surely at 16 she knows how to behave?

Kite22 · 12/02/2022 13:53

That's on you @dogmandu

If I had two teens staying for a holiday, I wouldn't be waiting around for them, I would assume they were on holiday and were working to their own time.
If there were a day when they were going to go out somewhere with us, then that would be talked about and arranged the day before, or at the start of the week. ... "I was thinking of going to X on Tuesday, if you want to come?"
I don't think most people would put their life on hold to dance around people crashing at their place.

OP - I'd just suggest she arrives with some flowers and trust you have brought up a normal, polite, sociable young lady.

Swipe left for the next trending thread