If your partner often works away, can you share tips please?

[Invasionofthegutsnatchers]

My DH is doing a corporate event this weekend so is away for 3 nights. He goes away for work several times a month for 2-5 nights. I work 3-5 days a week depending on demand. Right next door to DCs school so I can pick the up and drop off.

I always make sure we have a food delivery before he goes away so I don't have to keep going to the shops. We eat simple food eg pasta, fish fingers etc. Sometimes it's lonely and the DCs miss their dad although there is less mess in his absence. They are 11 and 8 so quite independent.

Why do you want tips on ?

Making life easier when I'm working and parenting on my own

Not sure what advice you want. I would say try to have fun with the children while he is away. Can you do some outings? Movie nights with a take away. Do you know anyone else whose partner works at weekends? I think you have to remind yourself that he is not away because he wants to be but because he is working. DH used to work every Saturday and I know it can be lonely but I got used to planning a fun day for the DC.

Is this a wind up?

Stock up on your favorite treats, buy a few new books you've been wanting to read, maybe grab a new nail polish or face mask, pick out a new podcast, etc. I treat alone time as my own personal slumber party and absolutely love it.
If you get nervous about being the only adult in the house, make sure you have your neighbors phone numbers saved. When my husband was traveling for work constantly I also had a security system installed that included cameras I could view on my phone and a panic button device I could keep with me. I also found falling asleep to a sleep story from the Calm app really helpful.

I’m not really sure what you want tips on?
Your work situation is easy. You’ve already decided on a strategy for food.

So is this about practicalities (it doesn’t sound like it’s actually hard) or about tackling loneliness? It’s a bit odd to be lonely… grown adults shouldn’t find it hard to be without their partner for a few days. I’d suggest working on building your friendships, getting out to do things and meet people when he is home, so that you have plenty in your life to stop you feeling lonely.

My work situation isn't exactly easy, I'm a teacher which is stressful but I'm lucky that I'm working close to the DCs.

You’ve pretty much got it covered, with the school pick-ups and drop-offs, the food deliveries and the kids being at an easy age.

I'm not lonely all the time he's away but I can't go out to the gym or see a friend in the evening as I have to stay at home with the children. People tend to be busy with their own families at the weekend so less inclined to meet up.

I do cope fine. Just wondered if others are in the same position.

DH works away 3 days a week. I try to:

• plan for the practical side to make things easier (eg batch cook in advance, make sure I have ingredients for easy meals, make sure we’re up to date on laundry etc).
• have at least one of those night be a fun evening for the kids - we have a movie night usually (actually a half an hour episode of something if it’s a school night, but we still do popcorn and snuggle up on the sofa)
• arrange to have a call with a friend on one night so I don’t get too starved of conversation
• I’ve improved security on the house - we have an alarm, and cameras etc so I don’t worry about being the only adult
• we have a sort of “bug cupboard” set up where I keep things we’ll need if we all come down with a tummy bug or something - horrible memories of one time we all caught norovirus when DH was away! So extra bedding, lots of towels, buckets, antiseptic wipes etc.

Does that help? It’s honestly not as hard in practice as you might be expecting. I don’t have any issue with it.

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

My work situation isn't exactly easy, I'm a teacher which is stressful but I'm lucky that I'm working close to the DCs.

I’m not suggesting that doing your job is easy - just that the work / solo parenting situation is, because you said you could pick up right from next door.

I’m still struggling to understand the issue. Of course you can go and meet friends in the evening! 11 and 8 is old enough for a babysitter to have an easy ride.

I think you need to charge your mindset about what you can and can’t do when he’s away. Life doesn’t stop.

I was a single parent for years, and before that my ex husband was the one at home when I was working away regularly. We both managed the gym when we wanted to in both those situations!

Thanks @GoldenGorilla I've had a tricky week at work and both DCs are ill so I'm feeling a bit bleurgh.

DH is away Sunday afternoon-Friday evening usually (although not home the next two weekends). DDs are 8&10.

We just get on with life really. We go for food he's not keen on midweek. He often cooks at weekends. Any extra curricular clubs I've got to be able to get them too, or check we have a back up to help. All my hobbies are home based, including exercise. The kids know they need to muck in with housework. I do volunteering in the evening ince a week, but DDs come with me.

Why don’t you have an activity or 2 lined up to get you out the house? Obviously if you’re feeling bleurghh swimming may not be best, but a lovely countryside walk or national trust place with a cuppa & cake at the cafe after? Sing 2 at the cinema?

Mine was away 2 weeks at a time every 2 weeks when my DC were small. I didn't do anything different to when he was here. I don't get why you'd need to? But that's just me 🤷🏻‍♀️

DH used to work away a few times a year, but for a couple of weeks at a time when DD was little. Often he'd be in China or the US (we live in London) so timezones would also work against us.

I found the only option was to be 10% more organized, get up earlier, keep completely on top of house work, like you say: choose simple meals that can just be thrown together, make sure we have all the supplies we need in the house.

DD was pre school age so we also did a fair bit of unofficial cosleeping (she'd get into our bed in the wee small hours, and I'd accept it as sleep is better than no sleep).

I also used to have friends over for dinner, once she'd gone to bed, or closer friends/family over for the whole evening and DD would be bathed and our to bed while they were here.

I also watched a LOT of shit TV that DH would abide, but not enjoy if he was there.

My DH works abroad months at a time as he is in the military. We have a 23 month old DS and I'm a teacher

I do food shop online plan my meals so I can get in and get sorted and know that food will be there for me and DS. Use the slow cooker on my busiest days. Always plan to meet friends or family at least once more often more over the weekend. Regularly face time DH when communications allow. Save favourite programmes to binge watch in evening. Life goes on because it has to.

I was a single parent who worked full time. I just shopped at the weekend with children in tow. I don't really understand what you need tips on?

There’s no need for all the snippy comments saying OP shouldn’t need any tips. We all have those moments where we are stressed or overwhelmed or needing a sanity check of how other parents manage something that seems difficult.

@GoldenGorilla

There’s no need for all the snippy comments saying OP shouldn’t need any tips. We all have those moments where we are stressed or overwhelmed or needing a sanity check of how other parents manage something that seems difficult.

I think comments are confused, not snippy. OP appears to have it sorted. So what’s the point in people giving bulk cooking type tips, if it turns out what OP actually needs is a space to let off steam at carrying the load, or encouragement that it’s OK to use a babysitter when her husband is away?

I am a single parent teacher. Do you mean that you expect to be lonely? Sorry I am not sure what you are looking for either.

My dh used to travel abroad Tues-Fri most weeks before the pandemic. I didnt like it when dc were little, especially when ill. But as your dc are older op, can you relax a bit and enjoy it more?

Do the stuff that is a bit "illicit" which makes it fun and easier for you? I don't know, go to McDonald's one night, have a slumber party with board games, play battle shops with head torches after dark, bake together, perhaps your dc and you could choose one activity each that you like ...you could even prepare a jar with suggestions in for these specific occasions ...

I always found I dreaded it a bit before and at the beginning of dh's trips, but by the end I had got in to my stride! Which bits are you worried about in particular op? If it's the security issue, could you get a dog?

Binge watching a Netflix or Prime series that your dh wouldn't like is a good idea btw!

How about doing some crafts too?

I’m not sure either what tips you need and I don’t mean it in a rude way. I’m a lone parent (no other parent involved at all) and you sound like you have everything sorted. Shopping is my main issue and you have that sorted, I hate taking my lot shopping as I have 4 children. Yours are older so at least that’s a good thing as they will be pretty independent by now. As for loneliness I’ve got use to it, I don’t go out as I have no one to look after my children but if you have family then you can go out if they will watch them, I wouldn’t pay for a babysitter as it’s only a few days your partner is away, wouldn’t be worth it as they are not cheap.

And I often see people saying they look forward to when their DH goes away so you might even enjoy it!