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Original poster

Are you a nicer/better person now than you were when you were young?

45 replies

Housely · 10/02/2022 18:08

I guess you need to be out of your 20’s to answer this one!

A friend and I, both in our 50’s, were talking about this last night. We both thought that, yes, we were both nicer and better people than we were when we were in our 20’s. We got to wondering then if, in fact, most people are because of more life experience/knowledge/wisdom, or if most people become cynical for those very same reasons?

OP posts:

willowstar · 10/02/2022 19:37

My mum has got increasingly bitchy and judgemental as she has got older...she is now 71. That or I just didn't notice it so much before.

FindingMeno · 10/02/2022 19:42

I was a better person when I was younger.
Now I'm a nicer person I think though.

Thinkbiglittleone · 10/02/2022 19:57

@BlackSatinBand

I’m more assertive and take much less nonsense at 45 than I did at 25. So I might not appear ‘nicer’.

But I’m much less selfish and self obsessed, so much more for others and believe my value in life is what I can give to others, which certainly wasn’t my philosophy in my hedonistic youth!

This.

I used to be such a people pleaser and i never had the confidence to question or say no really. I still have to fight this, to walk the line between being kind and just putting everyone first.

I am definitely more comfortable in my own skin, I don't care what people think about how I look or what I wear etc, I'm just me.

I am a better person in that I don't judge, I accept everyone has their story and it's not my place to judge or question.

I am a better person because I care more about society and listening and learning about the running's of the world, our country, others struggles etc I think that was more to do with having our DS and wanting better.

DoINeedMoreWeetabix · 10/02/2022 20:56

Interesting

Seema002 · 10/02/2022 22:15

A mixed bad for me. I'm nearly 50. I'm more understanding these days. Life throws shit at you and you don't know what others are going through etc. I don't care about what others look like or stiff like that. Although that was never that important to me.

I used to be quite bitchy when I was young. I rarely if ever bitch now. But that's only because I've learnt to keep my bitchy thoughts in my head. I therefore have a veneer of 'niceness' I don't deserve as I'm still thinking shit about people alot of the time.

Funnily enough I don't have many friends .

Usererror1999 · 10/02/2022 22:19

Defiantly not. I was a really nice friendly young woman. A bit of a people pleaser. I had DS at 35 and just lost all of my “niceness”

Hawkins001 · 10/02/2022 22:23

I'm more cynical, but I try to be more productive and understanding when possible, and I've learn to not be as debating all the time, and it's better to choose my debates rather than making every topic a large debate so to speak.

Seema002 · 10/02/2022 22:26

I'm definitely not a people pleaser these days. I used to do all sorts of favours for people. Childcare, pet sitting you name it. I think I did it to try and win friendships. It was like a currency where I thought if I did someone a favour they would do one in return because that's what 'friends' do. I mostly got taken advantage of. I eventually realised that I was never going to have a big group of friends because that's just not me. I accept myself now as someone with a few friends or acquaintances and that's ok. We don't all have to be living an Instagram story. Whatever the hell that is.

Seema002 · 10/02/2022 22:29

I also wouldn't put up with half the crap I used to from DH compared to 20 years ago. I shudder when I look back. I swear thats a hormone thing. When women are younger and looking to settle down and have a family I think you are more tolerant. Once that drive goes , the tolerance goes with it.

UserBot9to5 · 10/02/2022 22:35

personally, yes.
I didn't even know I was passive aggressive until I was about 35. I'm not now.

Spottybotty20 · 10/02/2022 22:38

I don’t know if anyone would ever have described me as nice. I’ve never been much of a people pleaser but I’ve definitely learnt a lot more tolerance and empathy as I’ve got older. Motherhood has made me much less self obsessed. I look back at ways I reacted when I was younger and feel sad that I had so much to learn.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/02/2022 22:41

Nicer?, probably not: I was a classic people pleaser when I was a child/young woman.
Better?, yes I think so.

FourChimneys · 10/02/2022 22:46

I'm mostly nice but have far more confidence in calling out bad behaviour.

Young relatives can't be bothered to say thank you for money gifts. They get told there will be no more.

Local bloke let's his dog shit in our road. I take photos and threaten to report.

Lowlife builder makes a stupid comment when I walk past. I stop and tell him off in front of his workmates.

That sort of thing. But I give to charity, litter pick and do other nice things.

seekinglondonlife · 10/02/2022 22:46

It took me until my 30s to grow a bit of a back bone, but I think I'm a much more tolerant, non judgemental person now than I was in my 20s. Having a child with disabilities changed me a lot too, for the better.

Lucia23 · 10/02/2022 22:48

Im 30. I think I'm still as nice as I was as a teenager and that the core of who I am has not changed.

But I am more generally thoughtful and have developed emotional intelligence. I am also much more assertive.

Juniper68 · 10/02/2022 22:50

Yes but to be fair my childhood had a lot to do with my immaturity and behaviour.
I'm 100% better now. I have lots of strong friendships and great relationship with dh. My sons are better people than I was because they've had a good upbringing. So luckily parenting isn't always passed on.
I wish I'd been wiser when young
But my path led me to where I am now so can't complain.

Juniper68 · 10/02/2022 22:52

@Seema002

Sadly not. I know plenty of women 40 plus who put up with shit.

RandomDent · 10/02/2022 22:56

I think I’m much nicer now. I was quite entitled and selfish when I was younger, which I guess (hope?!) lots of younger people are before they get the life experience. I am much more Left politically than I used to be as well.

onedayoranother · 10/02/2022 23:02

No. I am much more confident now and don't get my self worth from others, so I'm not as nice as I was when I wanted people like me. I'm not mean or anything, but I don't feel the need to 'make nice'.

Notdoingthis · 10/02/2022 23:05

I am soooo nice. In my 20s I was nice. Now I am even nicer.

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