Ghosting - New trend?

[Newgalintown]

Hi guys just want some clarification really.

I’ve recently moved house and am trying to make new friends - preferably ones with children so they understand. Im currently on maternity leave.

I put myself out there and I’ve messaged a couple of mums and it’s happened a couple of times now that we’ll arrange a date and it’s either called off last minute and never rearranged or never arranged at all. Then I’m ghosted!

I think I’m friendly but not too in your face; but is it me? Or is this a new trend to just leave people hanging?

If you’ve ghosted - why did you do it?

Where are you meeting these people?

One was a Mum at the school - she always replies but is always cancelling.

One was the friend of a Mum so I met her through another friend.

I really don't do a lot other than school runs - there doesn't seem to be a lot on here with covid a lot of the baby groups seem to have shut down. I went to one at our local library but I was the only one there!

For example; one lady said let's meet for a coffee on Monday - are you free?

I said yep I'm free what time is good for you?

Ghosted. Monday came and went.

Ah I was thinking maybe it was more one sided and they weren’t really interested in making friends but if they are asking to meet up then that wouldn’t be the case! Very odd then. So she never responded to what time?

No nothing at all! Can see she's been online; but the messages are left 'unread' - I messaged again on the actual Monday saying other days I could do (as was later in day so clear we weren't meeting up) and nothing.

I was really friendly; not funny about it in anyway. The message before said 'I'd love to see you and DD!' So I just really don't get it.

I just find it really hurtful I guess. I'd rather have 'sorry I can't commit to social things at the moment' or something. Just seems cruel?

To clarify I said about going for coffee; she said yes let's; are you free Monday?

Then ghosting!

* it’s either called off last minute and never rearranged or never arranged at all. Then I’m ghosted!*

Not ghosting
Just not interested

@Newgalintown

To clarify I said about going for coffee; she said yes let's; are you free Monday?

Then ghosting!

She was being vague because not interested You go my specific She doesn’t know how to say - no

You went to make friends as new area
These people will probably already have friends
So their motivation much less

I suggest you say - “how about coffee?” If they say “let’s”, you go back and say “when would suit you? I can be pretty flexible”

How recently did you move?

Yes I have ghosted people. Because they get too clingy/needy and put a huge value on the friendship that I just find too stressful.

My advice would be keep is casual, be self sufficient in finding things to do with your time and eventually you might naturally click with someone.

Try find friendships away from ‘school mum’ friends as often it’s just too complicated. If you meet someone you get on well with at school then great, but don’t force it.

Aw I know how hard it is to make new mum friends. Unfortunately if you are being ghosted it's likely they just either haven't got the time or just busy.
I would try baby groups, clubs etc as opposed to school mums.

Try not to take it personally OP. Although I've never ghosted anyone, other mums have extended invitations or made it clear they'd love to meet up, but I just really really struggle with time. Most of the time these women are people that I genuinely really like and wish I could spend time with, but I just find it really hard to fit things in at the moment.

As others have said, they'll already have friends, so they might like the idea in theory, but don't have quite the same motivation as you. These things tend to take time, as noticeable rapports are built up (or otherwise) with individuals. It'll take a little patience, but it'll pay off eventually!

I made some great friends through baby groups, regular meet ups, are your kids all school age?

People are just busy, OP. They have their own stuff going on. Keep at it and don't take it personally.

Thanks everyone.I think I just feel a bit flat and isolated really; I really thought we got on so I'm just disappointed. Probably more so than I should be and dwelling on it far too much.

My children are 7 (nearly 8); just turned 4 (so school in September) and 2 months. There seems to be a lack of baby groups around here since covid - many haven't reopened.

Could you consider starting your own baby group?

Yeah it would irritate me if I'm asked to do something on a specific day and then nothing. It's rude. Don't ask if you're not going follow up.

I haven't ghosted but I've slow faded for various reasons. And I've had it done to me.

@UserError012345 yes that's what has upset me I think. Why suggest a day and then not follow it up? Random and a bit hurtful.

Slow fade seems less of a brutal idea to me! Lol!

They'll message you when they need a favour!

I’ve had this recently, one woman multiple times. Last time I tried to ignore her, but she chased it up. Effusive about offering us scones and a visit to hers, planning craft for the kids. Kinda full on but seemed well intentioned so I said yes. She then cancelled again on the morning of the play date and then I haven’t heard from her in 3/4 months… after she’d sent multiple texts about her kids wanted desperately to built the friendship up.

I’ve personally just decided people are odd. Move on, talk to others and have faith you’ll eventually click with a few. File the others away as ‘whatever’ and don’t take it personally