Tell me more about perimenopause rage

[Lottapianos]

I'm 42 and don't think I've got any symptoms yet. I have an occasional sweaty night but might not be peri related. I am getting increasingly sick of everyone's shit though! A colleague was upset in a meeting yesterday and I honestly had no sympathy because she lives on her own planet and doesn't listen to anyone, so brings it on herself

My DP is getting on my last nerve too. We both WFH although in different rooms but I am starting to feel smothered by seeing him all the time. He's been unwell with a dreadful chesty cough for the past 2 weeks. I feel sorry for him because he's been really ill, but I'm also sick to death of hearing the coughing, and snotting, and sniffing I turned off the radio in the kitchen this morning and he got pissed off because he was listening to it. He bloody wasn't! He just likes to have yap yap yap on in the background and it drives me INSANE

So I don't know if all this rage is being in your 40s, the start of peri, or just being a grumpy cow! Can anyone relate?

Can I ask about the sore ears too please. The cartilage of one of my ears can be really sore when I first wake up, but on the side I very rarely lie on so I dont think Im squashing them in my sleep or anything 🤷‍♀️

@GrolliffetheDragon

There were so many things I hadn't realised were menopause related. Sore ears.

What's the sore ears thing? What sort of sore ears?

Also - examples of irrational anger: DH put a frying pan in the sink. That was it.

Falling oestrogen can cause the mucus membranes within the inner ear to dry out, which can affect your ears in several ways during menopause. A few ear problems which women can face at this time include ringing in the ears (tinnitus), hearing loss, earache, blocked ears, hot ears and itchy ears

For me it was sore, itchy ear canals. It seemed to be a monthly thing but my ears would be burning inside. Spent half my life with a Vaselined finger shoved in my ear.
Never had it again since HRT.

@GrolliffetheDragon read the NICE guidelines and just go back and ask for HRT - it specifically says they should go by symptoms.

I nearly killed DH with a frying pan - can't remember what he'd done now, probably it was breathing - HRT saved him.

I get itchy ears, and my previously mild tinnitus has got worse. How interesting.

read the NICE guidelines and just go back and ask for HRT - it specifically says they should go by symptoms.

It appears I need to reconsider my list of symptoms. And see a different GP.

It's the breathing that kills you, especially in bed.
If DH rolls over to face me, I have to roll over to face away.
I do (probably) still love him but maybe the cats are higher in the pecking order 😻 , but why can't he face the fucking window?!?

Verstappen I've done that this wk. My right ear is shredded.

Oh, and one piece of advice - just because you might go 3 months without a period and certainly not be pregnant doesn't mean you're done, so to speak...the fuckers do come back, sometimes with avengeance, so don't chuck all your sanpro in the "foodbank etc" collection trolley at the supermarket like I did. 🤦‍♀️

Oh, and last week someone told me I was being "Rude" at Sains because she thought I'd jumped a queue. Fuck That Shit. I told her I'd queued and then gone looking for a member of staff while she was still fannying around doing her shopping and I turned my back on her while she was telling me off 💪 I used to be quite shy

Oh the being breathed on in bed drives me insane. Ive started making a pillow barrier in the middle of the bed to save me from it!

A normal night in the pussycat house...

I'm 44. I've started growling and bellowing, 'FUCK OFF, I DON'T CARE!!' quite a lot.

I'm on wild yam cream and the catch on the new pump wouldn't give so I jumped up and down on it. My DH just stared at me and went upstairs.

I have been wondering about checking in with GP about meno myself

I'm 49 and I think I have symptoms the problems are:

I'm already on noriday continuously to manage the endo

I don't really wanna risk the endo symptoms returning - as they're horrific - by coming off the noriday

Looking at your checklist @Verstappen the problem there is I've had most of those symptoms for the last 2 decades anyway from a combination of Mh issues and my disability so I don't have a way of knowing if I'm having more symptoms as it's really hard to assess yourself

Regards the rage op I think it may be meno related but it could just be age/life experience/you're no longer willing to tolerate bullshit!

Which is a definite benefit to getting older!

I was a mouse in my 20's! I'm a fucking lioness these days!

Omg the eat thing! That IS me! It's the one thing can't be attribute to the Mh stuff or my disability! Constantly sore, popping, ringing ears! Wtf! (Infection has been ruled out several times!)

I live alone but still find dd annoys me...and she lives hundreds of miles away!

She just seems to have bad timing often and is always texting/calling with some kind of crisis (in her mind) when I'm busy with something! Why?!

Yes, I'm in peri at the moment and although I'm on HRT, I've reached the point of being sick of feeling disrespected. I think a lot of it could be built up resentment not hormones. I'm coming very close to falling out with one of my friends of over 10 years cause I feel really disrespected by her for being blamed for something that isn't my fault and I'm sick of feeling as if my parenting is being judged.

Its hard to know where hormones start and where years of resentment end tbh

Its hard to know where hormones start and where years of resentment end tbh
^this.
This and the itchy, ringing, hot ears.

Graphista I bet you miss your DD really. I think you're right about the clouded line between "it's your age/menopause" and "this might not be normal" when it comes with wider health (physical and mental) issues crossing over.
I'm also no longer a mouse. with age comes, erm, "gobbyness" 😲🤦‍♀️

Update - big emotional afternoon. Had supervision session at work where manager said lovely things about me and my work, and shared lovely feedback from some other people too. Could feel myself getting v emotional in meeting but held it in. Absolutely HOWLED for an hour afterwards, and that developed into a panic attack. Havent had one in years. Hmmm. Still not sure what it was all about. I'm on the couch and feeling calmer, and DP has gone for fish and chips. See, he's lovely. Don't know why I want to kill him most days!

Definitely hormones:)

@pussycatunpickingcrossesagain oh I miss her heaps! So then I feel guilty about being annoyed with her

I'm SO hobby now but that started after my first breakdown too

I can never remember the exact quote but sigourney weavers character in copycat summed it up (I'm prob paraphrasing/misquoting)

"That's the upside to having a breakdown. You just don't give a fuck any more!"

Op don't beat yourself up about today. I also get caught out with excessive "nice" emotions too. It feels similar to when I was SUPER sensitive to anything about parenting/kids just after having dd. There were cheesy adverts that had me sobbing!

@StEval and @RoyKentsChestHair

"I think most ‘hormonal’ rage is actually justified anger that has been suppressed for months/years! I was never convinced that my “PMT” was unfair or unjustified - it was usually righteous anger that yet again my XDP had disrespected me or let me down. Obvs when it passed I would realise that on another day I may not have reacted so strongly, but then nothing would have changed so sometimes you DO need to let people know when they’re being annoying or just plain wrong without feeling guilty about it!

This!
Finally you lose the ability or need to mask your rightful anger.

Everyone gets a surprise that you are not putting up with their shit anymore."

Totally agree with this - Not putting up with unreasonable behaviour or expectations anymore.

@Lottapianos Fish n Chips - you lucky bugger!
Waking up in the middle of the night with a panic attack and soaking wet is awful. I'd stick with being crackers if I could drop that one thing.
I cried earlier when I got some Tuna flavoured Whiskas on my foot. 🤯😹🤦‍♀️

'Op don't beat yourself up about today. I also get caught out with excessive "nice" emotions too'

THANK YOU for this. And thank you to everyone who has been kind and sympathetic on here x

It's tough

I have days where I actively avoid anyone who'd be nice to me as I know I'll end up a sobbing mess!

It even applies to certain tv shows and films if I know I'm feeling a bit raw at that time