What would cause these thought patterns?

[whenimlonely]

I have a diagnosis of OCD and CPTSD, so it could be them that’s causing this I think but not sure .

For as long as I remember, whenever I’m stressed or anxious my mind does odd things .

My eyes try to find patterns in absolutely everything, start counting tiles or measuring things against others (eg I look at all the books on my shelf and try to figure out if they could go in a neater arrangement or if they’re in odd numbers or where the middle is something) . Have done it for years and years, it’s almost calming .

My brain also automatically switches to ‘third person’ which has also happened for years eg I’m sitting watching TV at the moment and mind says ‘she’s tired/ she wants some toast/ she’s trying her best’ etc . Like someone providing a bloody narrative of everything I’m doing.

I’ve never thought about it much but happened again this morning - very stressful morning, and head is almost stuck on that . Feels like I am watching myself from a distance, like watching a film, or separated from the rest of the room .

I’m presuming it’s some sort of protective mechanism but when it’s happened before it’s set off panic attacks .

I’m exceptionally stressed just now, and haven’t eaten since 7pm yesterday which might be making it worse but not sure . Has anyone else ever had similar? How can you stop it?

Eat something. Now. Practice better self care.

Sounds like dissociation. Go for a walk in nature. Get grounded.

I am a counter when stressed, it's part of the ocd/cptsd I have.

Tried mediation/breathing exercises?

Slow down, go eat!

Ignore me if not relevant but have you ever been tested for autism?

Women are very underdiagnosed and also usually end up with lots of other 'labels' before being diagnosed. It can present very differently in women and things like being overwhelmed frequently are very common.

I don't know what exactly causes it, but I have a similar psych background (and according to some professionals maybe autism), and my mind works like that most of the time really.

I do the pattern thing and counting stuff. Not the third person though. I have anxiety and was diagnosed with BPD but it was then removed as a diagnosis. I have OCD and intrusive thoughts though.

@Dearblossom

Eat something. Now. Practice better self care.

Sounds like dissociation. Go for a walk in nature. Get grounded.

I am a counter when stressed, it's part of the ocd/cptsd I have.

Tried mediation/breathing exercises?

Slow down, go eat!

I was going to write literally all of this!

I agree.

It does sound like dissociation. Have you read up on the work of Bruce Perry? The counting and looking for patterns is a form of self regulation (you are dysregulating. Dissociation is a form of dysregulation).

Autism makes sense yes, I have ‘meltdowns’ . My sister has diagnosed autism, and recognise traits of it in me .
I’m not very good socially at all, I really struggle to cope with social interaction . I agree re under diagnosis of autism in women, psychiatrist did say to me that he thought I might have autism to a degree but that to get assessment would take a very long time .

Have had a horrible day, I’ve managed to eat two slices of toast now thankfully and going for a bath so hopefully that will help .

Autism is very commonly genetic so if your sister has it definitely and you have traits its very likely that you are. Read up on autism in women, it may be lengthy to get a formal diagnosis but it can help you 'understand' yourself better (and perhaps not be so hard on yourself, identify potential triggers etc).
There's no autism to a degree though, you either are or aren't, psychiatrists views sound a bit dated.

It sounds like it could be de-realisation? Or depersonalisation?

Sending love and hugs and agree with everyone else saying try and have something to eat and drink.