My husband is working early today. We have 4 kids and I have asked him to get our daughter ready before he goes so I can get a quick bath and dressed. She is disabled and has transport collect her at around 7.40-7.50am. He was about to leave and I asked if our eldest son was up. He was like, "I shouldn't have to get anyone up if I am working early..."
I said, "I only asked as he gets himself up and I didn't know."
This really upset me cause I had asked for his help. He has never had a problem before now. It actually took him 10 seconds to get him up.
If I just had to get her ready for transport I'd get her ready myself without needing a bath, but I have to get my two youngest boys to school too. My eldest son gets a lift to high school by his grandad.
I said to my husband, "I don't want to smell and look a mess at the school gates. Plus it helps me wake up."
I am also up and down the stairs all night as our sons have eczema. Our youngest is the one who struggles the most but our 2nd eldest son does have his moments. They scream out and cry because their skin is irritated. This happens before I go to bed, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm and sometimes more. The times are just an example. It is hard to get back to sleep between these times too. I run on empty when up earlier. I have had to get up during the night since our first son was born. So 12 years of this. He only gets up if I am ill. I was at breaking point so he said he'd do school runs on a morning and I would do through the night. That meant him working more lates at work so he could do the school run.
So we have been arguing via messenger. Basically he has been devaluing what I do as a stay-at-home mum making out because he works he should be able to get to work the hours he wants - he wants to work more earlies a week. I mean I can't pick and choose when I can stop parenting. He says if I got up early I could go back to sleep once I had dropped them off but I told him it is hard to sleep during the day. It is brighter and you can hear noises from outside which keep you awake. When I say this he says I devalue him and his work. So he pushes it back on me. Saying if I don't do what he wants then I am being selfish. He decided to do the lates to help me. I mean I haven't said I won't help him by doing earlies, but if I do is he gonna help with our daughter without an issue and get our eldest up if he hasn't got himself up? Doesn't seem like it.
I told him if he was feeling this way he should have spoken to me like an adult and had a conversation. We could have worked out a way to keep us both happy. Instead he had a go at me and devalues what I do. He says I am being selfish but if he changes his hours it doesn't really change much for him, he'll still get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time. It will make my life harder. I will be more tired and that leads to being moody and probably more stressed.
As a stay-at-home mum I barely have time for myself, I have no friends or family close by. I moved to be with him. We both passed our driving test last year and I've barely used the car, so he can take it to work. I originally wanted to drive to go see people and also get a part-time job. I feel I put myself last for him. He also went out saturday to dj and I stayed in to take care of our kids. I also did this 2 months ago and have done it before. I haven't been out for 2 years without him to see my mates or do something for myself. Partly cause of covid but cause I am with the kids all the time. I have only recently made time to do little things for myself. Even on an evening or his day off he is on fifa or listening to his music. I mostly see to the kids so he can do this, while getting uniforms sorted and doing baths and housework...etc He doesn't. I know he works but so do I. I just don't get acknowledged or paid for it.