Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Mil asking to host LOs birthday party?

18 replies

Sophie1029734 · 09/02/2022 10:28

At first she asked if I wanted to host los party at hers, I just needed time to answer because I was seeing who from my side could make it and what not, I'm still getting ny house presentable because I wasnt sure on my answer. The only upside to her request is because she has a big house and we live in a small terrace.

But now the request has changed, shes asked if she can have a whole party for lo sperstly and all the kids be invited to hers? it's the audacity of the request because I've spent hours and hours doing peices for her cake, spent money on lots of balloons, helium, decorations, all the paints, brushes and lots of other things I needed for the cake. We arent rich.. weve struggled to get all this stuff. I'm gonna be painting the walls this weekend for anyone visiting because lo has drawnt on them 🙄 I've been tidying the house and doing a little sort out downstairs, ready.

I just feel like I've put a lot of money, effort and thought in to it all and then mil goes.. when the familys kids finish school can I do them a party, buy them cupcakes etc. I'm spending hours makeing a cake? Why would u ask to get birthday cupcakes and not have the one I'm makeing? She knows the effort I'm putting in to makeing my own.. Her birthdays in a week and I've been doing the cake decorations for a week now. I just feel a bit peeved? I dont know weather her request is out of kindness because our house is small, or if she just wants to be the hostess to my little girls birthday

OP posts:

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 09/02/2022 10:30

I know I can say no, it's just the audacity of of the request. It went from allowing me to host mine at hers, to her hosting an entirely seperate one..

OP posts:

thisplaceisweird · 09/02/2022 10:34

Just say 'thanks for the offer but it's all covered, the party is happening at X date at X time'

People are only rude if you allow them to be, all she has done so far is ask the question. Say no and it's game over, deep breath and move on.

TeeBee · 09/02/2022 10:38

Sounds to me as though she's just been kind. Just say 'that's kind of you but I've got it all sorted'. Problem solved. You're overthinking it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations

DoubleGauze · 09/02/2022 10:39

I don't understand why you are annoyed. It sounds like she's trying to help.

I assume there's a long old back story here.

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 09/02/2022 10:45

Your right maybe I am, I know her request was made out of kindness but it also annoyed because of the disregard for the money and time I'm spending doing one. I do think it is oit of kindness and just a lack of thought on my perspective

OP posts:

Susu49 · 09/02/2022 10:55

I get why you're annoyed, I would be too!
As pp said, just a simple thanks but no thanks should do it.

Don't stress too much, it's just one day in the grand scheme of things.

DoubleGauze · 09/02/2022 10:57

Perhaps she didn't think to offer until she saw how stressed you are. I do think it's unreasonable to expect others to read your mind . My own mother will happily help me in any way she can , but she won't step in until I ask , which I think is very reasonable.

You seem easily offended op.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 09/02/2022 10:57

Stay firm or imo she will assume all future birthdays will be hers to celebrate... At her home.

SBAM · 09/02/2022 11:00

It might not be her trying to take over, perhaps she can see how busy/stressed you are and she’s offering out of kindness to try and make life easier for you?

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 09/02/2022 11:08

The first request of holding the party I'm doing for her at first I was happy with. It's the 2nd one, where I decorate my home for a party no one turns up to. And she does a seperate one with seperate birthday cupcakes. It's her family and they will consider her invite more than mine.

She doesnt know it's made me stressed, she just knows I'm spending a long time on decs and have spent a lot of decs.

I was happy until the 2nd request, just miffed me off a bit.

OP posts:

GirlInACountrySong · 09/02/2022 11:11

There's no 'audacity' ffs, she asked a question! From kindness

DoubleGauze · 09/02/2022 11:20

Does it matter who puts a party together for your kid? Surely all that matters is that they get one. You're making this all about you , it's not even your birthday!

saraclara · 09/02/2022 11:26

Does she know that you've already spent money and prepared for your own party?

Instead of posting on here, just tell her that the party is all arranged at yours, and you only want the one party, especially as she's planning hers for the day before, which would steal your thunder and mean fewer people will turn up for yours.

Lipsandlashes · 09/02/2022 11:26

I don't understand. How many parties are there? What is this 'first one' and then the 'second one, no one turns up to'? You've either agreed with your MiL that the party will be held at her house or you haven't.

2bazookas · 09/02/2022 11:28

Just say "Oh MIL, no thanks, I've got everything shopped made and planned already for the birthday next Tuesday/March (whenever).

But that is such a generous great idea I'd love you to do LO's party next year; lets do it at yours then!".

saraclara · 09/02/2022 11:28

@DoubleGauze

Does it matter who puts a party together for your kid? Surely all that matters is that they get one. You're making this all about you , it's not even your birthday!

Of course it does! Most mums want to plan and be in control of their own child's party! It's a gesture of love for your child, and having someone else decide to take it over, however well-meant, is upsetting.

saraclara · 09/02/2022 11:29

@2bazookas

Just say "Oh MIL, no thanks, I've got everything shopped made and planned already for the birthday next Tuesday/March (whenever).

But that is such a generous great idea I'd love you to do LO's party next year; lets do it at yours then!".

No, don't tell her she gets to hold the party next year. All manner of things could happen over the next year, to make that not what you or your child wants.

toomuchlaundry · 09/02/2022 11:34

I think the OP is saying that the MIL wants to do an additional party and invite the children to hers rather than/or as well as the OP's

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread