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Original poster

Year 2 friendship issues, is this my life now?

23 replies

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 19:12

DD is 6, Year 2. She’s in a class of all girls because there’s only 9 boys in the whole year (86 in the year) so they’re all in one class, and then there’s 2 classes of just girls. It’s a mainstream state school before anyone asks, not sure why we have so many girls in our year, the other years are more evenly split between boys and girls.

I don’t get involved in friendship issues unless it’s turning into bullying but it’s getting on my nerves. Every single day there’s tears at the moment. She had two weeks off in January due to her then me having covid and everything seems to have changed while she was off (doesn’t surprise me friendships are so fluid at this age) so it’s constant “I wanted to play with A but she said no, so I asked B and she said no, so I ended up playing with D who I didn’t really want to play with” and then lots of tears, so many tears. Or N has pushed her so she pushed N back but then got told off by the lunchtime staff but N didn’t so she cried all afternoon.

The teacher knows about the issues as apparently the Year 1 teacher (they had boys with them until end of Reception as it wasn’t noticed about the lack of boys until then) picked up on how much they fall out.

I’m considering a school move just to get her away from all the girls but I’m also hesitant not to set her back socially or emotionally, plus the nearest school with space is half form so it would be a move for year 3 as I think it would unsettle her too much to be in a class for 6 months then move.

She has some SN so is immature emotionally, and both of her dads dogs died within 2 weeks of each other right before Christmas so I think it’s all got a bit much with covid as well (her dad is my Ex so I didn’t know the dogs but she saw them regularly).

Tell me it gets better? Or is this my life now?

OP posts:

Gowithme · 07/02/2022 19:20

I think girls only get worse to be honest. Is there someone she likes that you can invite round to try to build the friendship. At this age they're so fickle that a play invitation or birthday party can completely change your popularity.

Original poster

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 19:29

@Gowithme

@Gowithme She gets plenty of birthday party invites and will hopefully be having a party herself later in the year but I can't do playdates as the only night a week I don't work she does an activity that she won't miss ever, I've offered playdates to her on that night but she insists her activity is more important.

OP posts:

MichaelGovesBeard · 07/02/2022 19:35

Yep that’s your life now. Sorry.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds General education Primary education

Original poster

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 19:35

@MichaelGovesBeard

Yep that’s your life now. Sorry.

@MichaelGovesBeard thanks for being honest with me at least

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2022 19:41

Well I’d be a bit sceptical about any school that didn’t notice there were 9 boys and 77 girls in reception!

The rest depends on the girls. Some are dramatic, others aren’t.

padsi1975 · 07/02/2022 19:41

I wouldn't worry about it being mostly girls. My 9 year old son gets a terrible time from some of the boys in his class, no problems with the girls. My 7 year old girl has had issues with girls. It's a kid thing. School can be rough.

Original poster

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 19:43

@LittleBearPad

Well I’d be a bit sceptical about any school that didn’t notice there were 9 boys and 77 girls in reception!

The rest depends on the girls. Some are dramatic, others aren’t.

@LittleBearPad They noticed but it didn't matter as Reception and Nursery are free flow across 4 rooms, once they moved into Year 1 they could do something about it and put them all together in one class.

OP posts:

RedskyThisNight · 07/02/2022 19:53

The "A won't play with B because B played with C and none us must play with D because E won't like it ..." peaks in Year 1 and Year 2, I'd say.

You have different challenges as she gets older. Or she may rise above it and make friends who also can't be doing with the drama, as my DD has managed to do.

I don't think moving schools will help as I think this problem exists with all groups of girls of that age! But you may of course want to move her so she's not effectively in a girls' school.

cansu · 07/02/2022 19:55

Moving your daughter is unlikely to solve the problem. It sounds like she is slightly behind in her social and emotional development coupled with the typical friendship related angst of the primary school years. All you can do is continue to listen, empathise, give her suggestions on how to respond and also reframe the 'incidents' in a calm manner.
E.g. Oh dear, that sounds difficult. Maybe you need to give D a chance and get to know her. It was nice of her to play with you today.

And yes this is your life now as it tends to carry on all through primary.

Original poster

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 19:55

@RedskyThisNight

The "A won't play with B because B played with C and none us must play with D because E won't like it ..." peaks in Year 1 and Year 2, I'd say.

You have different challenges as she gets older. Or she may rise above it and make friends who also can't be doing with the drama, as my DD has managed to do.

I don't think moving schools will help as I think this problem exists with all groups of girls of that age! But you may of course want to move her so she's not effectively in a girls' school.

@RedskyThisNight Thats my reason for moving her really, I wanted a co-ed environment for her, but it's not helped at the moment as they're not mixing with the other classes so she's only in a girls environment.

OP posts:

HappySM1 · 07/02/2022 19:56

Yep, it's your life. Started in year 2 for us, and still going strong in year 3. I just listen, advise and then move on. This is big stuff for them, you can't belittle it, but equally you can't uproot a child. It will be the same everywhere.

Flowers2020bloom · 07/02/2022 19:56

Same here for my Y3 daughter - didn't notice it so much in Y2 but they were in and out so much last year with lockdowns / isolations. They all seem to thrive on the drama of it and it's difficult to know if / when the line crosses to bullying especially only hearing one side of the story. Sadly I think it may just be your (our) lives now but hopefully it will ebb and flow so we might get the odd day off here and there!! Obviously if it's definitely bullying it would need some greater intervention though

Original poster

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 20:00

@cansu

Moving your daughter is unlikely to solve the problem. It sounds like she is slightly behind in her social and emotional development coupled with the typical friendship related angst of the primary school years. All you can do is continue to listen, empathise, give her suggestions on how to respond and also reframe the 'incidents' in a calm manner. E.g. Oh dear, that sounds difficult. Maybe you need to give D a chance and get to know her. It was nice of her to play with you today.

And yes this is your life now as it tends to carry on all through primary.

@cansu I think its made worse because I didn't want a single sex education for her, but that's what she's getting as they're still in class bubbles so she's not mixing with the boys at all. If she was able to get away and have a broader choice of friends from the other classes I don't think it'd be an issue.

OP posts:

trilbydoll · 07/02/2022 20:00

It has taken dd1 until Y4 but she has finally made friends with the lovely calm drama free girls she's known for 5 years and distanced herself from the drama llama. I think it's fair to say there are always girls who drive drama, cliques etc but there will be others who don't and you've just got to find them

Beamur · 07/02/2022 20:00

The friendship issues will ebb and flow. It won't always be like this, but it will some of the time!
Teach her some strategies. I found role play really helped - re-run the situations she's struggled with and show her some different outcomes.
Promote friendships out of school if you can. A sport, or Brownies maybe - lots of emphasis there on friendship and kindness

Beautiful3 · 07/02/2022 20:00

It gets alot better in year 4.

FancySusan · 07/02/2022 20:02

The nine boys thing might affect neighbouring schools. They might be overflowing with boys. If I had a boy and I found out there were going to be only nine other boys in a year of 90 then I would go to a different school.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/02/2022 20:03

I also don't think moving her will help. I've noticed lots of threads about Y2 friendship issues, and I see the same jostling in DS's class (Y2). There is a definite shaking up and re-sorting of friendships, and it can be quite brutal. All we can do is stay calm, support good friendships, and keep in touch with the school if you think it is getting personal.

Original poster

TooManyFallouts · 07/02/2022 20:06

@FancySusan

@FancySusan Its a year group with over 50% siblings as well, and most of those siblings are girls so it's not all down to the school itself. The other schools nearby seem to be a bit more balanced, but are over subscribed, the nearest one thats not oversubscribed is a tiny village school with a PAN of 15, so I'm hesitant as DD does have some SN.

OP posts:

cansu · 07/02/2022 20:07

You may be right although the friendships are already quite gendered at that age so I am not sure she would be playing with the boys anyway

theneverendinglaundry · 07/02/2022 20:42

My dd was like this form year 3 up until year 6. She's in year 7 now (at a girls school!) and things are a lot better now. I'm hoping they stay that way!

It seems to peak in year 5 and 6.

millytint44 · 07/02/2022 20:45

Yes, it's your life now. My DD is in y9 and it is probably the most stressful thing about her (and therefore MY) life; the whole girl friendship stuff. It is VERY challenging.

HandWash · 07/02/2022 21:04

It's worth remembering that the current year 2 are generally all behind in their emotional/ social development due to school closures and lack of socialising. Also two weeks off is also a really long time at this age and things will take time to settle down.

It will get better though! All you can really do is talk things through with her and help her to see what she could have done better or when the other person is being unkind and she should play with someone else. Drawing it out can help.

"So you and N both wanted to be the mum"

"N shouted at you and then you shouted back"

"N & B played the game together and said you couldn't join in"

When you get to the end of the saga ask her what she could have done differently. Could you have both been the Mum? Could you take turns? Would it have been better to tell N to shove-it and play with someone else

Even if you can't 'solve it' talking it through and getting it out will make her feel a little better and hopefully stop the tears.

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