Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Headteachers!

28 replies

Fridayalldays · 07/02/2022 17:56

And teachers for that matter! Can you tell me what makes a parent likeable in your view…

Name changed for this in terror of anyone working out who I am IRL..! I’ve applied for a school for my DC and have heard on the grapevine that it’s a good idea to make a ‘good impression’ on the head.

What does this even mean?! It’s my first DC to start school and I haven’t had any dealings with a school since I was at school myself! Confused

How do you make sure you are a well liked parent - beyond the obvious? Are there some types of faux pas that immediately mark you out as a nuisance to staff? I hadn’t given this a second thought but a few people have mentioned it to me now and I’m starting to feel like I need to think about this!

OP posts:
Poppitt58 · 07/02/2022 18:04

How much we like the parents has absolutely no impact on a child’s education at my school. All the children are treated the same regardless of who they belong to.

Maybe I’m being naive that my own children were treated like that too!? I rarely see school staff as I generally pick up from after school club.

DiddyHeck · 07/02/2022 18:08

What 'grapevine' did you hear this through and what was the reason given?

Original poster
Fridayalldays · 07/02/2022 18:28

@Poppitt58 this is what I just assumed, now I’m wondering if I’m naive!

It’s an oversubscribed school and I’ve heard it could be the difference between being allocated a place or not!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Poppitt58 · 07/02/2022 18:38

Schools have quite strict criteria. I’ve definitely never seen ‘is friends with the head’ on an admissions policy.

Ohyesiam · 07/02/2022 18:40

I think teachers probably give a sigh of relief when they can see that you aren’t going to take up lots of time and attention, and that you will get your child to follow school rules.

But they are professionals, and I don’t suppose these things will rule the selection process.

LemonRedwood · 07/02/2022 18:43

It’s an oversubscribed school and I’ve heard it could be the difference between being allocated a place or not!

Unlikely. If it's a maintained school then it's probable the school themselves have nothing to do with admissions.

PatriciaHolm · 07/02/2022 18:43

Assuming this is a state school, this would be completely irrelevant (and unlawful to take into consideration).

Marchingredsoldiers · 07/02/2022 18:44

How much we like the parents has absolutely no impact on a child’s education at my school. All the children are treated the same regardless of who they belong to.

Sorry to derail the thread, but after my last couple of days at work i have to comment.

All kids are NOT treated equal at my school. The pain-in-the-arse complaining parents' kids get better treatment as a rule.

Maybe the head is trying to weed out these type of parents. Although it really depends on the type of school and malleability of the head.

handmademitlove · 07/02/2022 18:45

If it is a state school then generally the head does not get a say in who gets a place if that helps! There are strict policies in ace to ensure it is fair. You should be able to find them on the school website. That doesn't stop some parents tell stories of how they got a place because they play golf with the head / know the Bishop / donated money to the PTA....

BeaTheButterfly · 07/02/2022 18:45

I could see this with a religious school, where the governors chose applicants based on church attendance and other factors.

AZFell · 07/02/2022 18:46

You should invite him for dinner, cook lobster thermidor and all dress in your best formal wear. Make sure your charisma skill is at 10 and your home is well decorated.

Trying to woohoo with the headteacher is risky but worth it if it works. 😉

(Sorry OP if you don't get these Sims references but your post reminded me of the game and I couldn't resist - I hope all goes well with the school for you!).

Poppitt58 · 07/02/2022 18:47

That’s horrendous. How do you treat them different? What better treatment do you provide? Totally unprofessional.

MazzleDazzle · 07/02/2022 18:47

Really? This seems odd.

Almost every parent is no trouble at all. It’s very rare that they are a PITA, and even then, it’s nothing to do with the kid.

KaptainKaveman · 07/02/2022 18:50

IME headteachers strongly dislike parents who try and ingratiate themselves or kiss backside. All they want is a £50k donation for the new 6th form block or you can bugger off.

Choice4567 · 07/02/2022 18:56

But the school itself doesn’t allocate places, the local authority does

Icantremembermyusername · 07/02/2022 19:02

Unless it's a private school, there's nothing you can do and ingratiating yourself with staff or headteacher will just be embarrassing all round.
I can be quite over protective of DC and have to check with a couple of friends when it is appropriate to contact school and when not!

MaidEdithofAragon · 07/02/2022 19:04

I'm a HT. I have no control or influence over who gets allocated to my school. I pretty much like all parents the same. Every is trying to do their best for their children. One or two people are very difficult or abusive to school staff, usually becuse of mental health issues. We like them too but have to have things in place to keep our staff safe.

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2022 19:07

Is it a state school?

If so there’s nothing you can do.

If it’s private there might be but then consider if such a headteacher is who you want teaching/influencing your children.

LlamaLucy · 07/02/2022 19:17

The council decide which school your child goes to. (Unless it’s a private school, in which case, I have no advice). However, to answer your question, I like parents who are not a jobs-worth, and understand that teachers are humans too, parents who are kind and funny and down to earth, parents who understand that their child is 1/30 of my available time and commitment.

The parents who are not likeable are the ones who expect to ‘chat at the gate’, every day, message you every day, and tell you ‘that one lesson was not to my child’s liking and you should try XYZ instead.’

Tigerteafor3 · 07/02/2022 19:19

Support the school, make sure you're involved with the kid so they do homework and are organised. Complain only when truly necessary, get in contact when you need to but not a thousand times a week.

That would make me like you as a parent. Won't make the slightest bit of difference if your kid gets into the school or how I treat them.

MrsBaublesDylan · 07/02/2022 19:24

I'm interested what you thought you might have to do to secure a place op?!

Don't listen to people who tell you that they 'pulled some strings' it's generally bullshit.

And for those it did work for are corrupt and also shouldn't be engaged with.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 07/02/2022 19:29

@Poppitt58

That’s horrendous. How do you treat them different? What better treatment do you provide? Totally unprofessional.

Ummm so occasionally I may mark a kids book first and a bit more throughly as I know the parents will check and kick off to my boss if it’s not up to their standard.

I may not confiscate a kids phone and give them a second chance when we aren’t meant to

I may email their teacher about a change in seating plan if I think parents will kick off if I don’t

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 07/02/2022 19:32

Meh l wouldn't worry about the headteacher, it is the office staff you need to be nice to!
But seriously, just keep a low profile and support your child and the schoolmas much as you can.

DahliaMacNamara · 07/02/2022 19:34

Being or not being 'that' parent is not part of oversubscription criteria. Neither is bullshitting worried prospective parents.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/02/2022 19:41

[quote Fridayalldays]@Poppitt58 this is what I just assumed, now I’m wondering if I’m naive!

It’s an oversubscribed school and I’ve heard it could be the difference between being allocated a place or not![/quote]
That's utter bollocks.

I've had people try that shit and I've completely ignored it (and refused to take calls from the more persistent amongst them). What with, you know, a legal obligation to follow the Admissions Policy and all that. Unfortunately, a 'Will you piss off and stop thinking I can be bought?' tends to offend, so all I can do is attempt to evade their calls and ignore their emails.

The admissions policy gives the only criteria that can and will be applied. The head generally has fuck all to do with admissions in any case as they are far too busy and important to be wasting their time on something so easily handled by Support Staff - and if the school is their own admissions authority, the governors can and will ensure that the criteria is correctly applied even if there were to be a rare occurrence of a head not knowing their place.

Moreover, if you're looking for admissions for Year 7 this September, you're too late to try and game the criteria by thinking up some new circumstances (like putting your child into care? That's about the only thing that would change priority now). They've all been approved already and sent back to the local authority.

If you don't like the contents of your email on National Offer Day, you can appeal. Won't get anywhere if you claim that the admissions system is corrupt because of some gossip you've heard. But you have the legal right to appeal and for your kid to be placed upon the waiting list and can then, if successful at appeal, decline the place you have been offered at another school - the exact place on that waiting list will also be entirely dependent upon the admissions policy, though - NOT smarming up to somebody who has no dealings with admissions or, frankly, isn't the morally bankrupt and corrupt tosser you assume them to be.