Thoughts - getting preg at 44

[Chrestomanciscat]

Hello, any experiences or thoughts welcome. I have two children 6 and 7 am 44 and cannot stop thinking about a third child. Am I too old ? Please leave any thoughts or experiences. Thanks

@MissyB1 Yep!

I would for a first child but no way for a third

@MissyB1 Well not everyone still wants teen kids at home when they could be enjoying a child free retirement I had my youngest at 42 ( even if I was 45) 63 is below traditional retirement age. As it is I am a sahm anyway and my dh plans to retire at 60. A decent pension means we can still raise our children and enjoy the initial part of it with them.

I think the issue in our early 40s is less about getting pregnant and more about having a successful pregnancy that doesn’t end in MC… and that’s the risk. But it’s still a small risk. From my own experience (had my kids in my 20s, 30s, 40s), all 3 of my miscarriages happened between ages 39-41. I did go on to have a healthy, happy baby at 42. And I know a few mums who’ve had healthy, happy pregnancies and babies naturally at 44-46. If you’re ovulating OP, you sure can have baby number 3. Periods don’t always mean ovulation though and using an ovulation kit really helped me… some cycles are anovulatory, especially in our 40s. Best of luck!

My DH’s mum had him at 40. He said it was hard having an older mum.

So no, I would certainly not do it.

@MrsDThomas

My DH’s mum had him at 40. He said it was hard having an older mum.

So no, I would certainly not do it.

Gosh, I'd say 40 is pretty standard these days in some areas at least!

You are statistically VERY unlikely to fall pregnant naturally and carry a healthy baby to term in your mid-40s.

The women commenting here are statistical outliers rather than the norm.

Look at fertility clinic data for over-40s. It’s hard.

I’m not saying this to be an arse, I’m nearly 42 and desperately TTC #2 after a miracle at 40.

Personally It's not for me, I had DD2 at 36 and found that tough compared to DD1 at 32 but each to there own I say 😊

You can try but it might not be easy

I had dd at 43 and have big gaps but in contrast to pp my teens are really easy, 16 year old in particular

Of course dd might not be so easy but will see

I wouldn’t. When the older two get to be 12/13 you could be off having lovely adventures with them, without dragging along a 6 year old.

Concentrate on the two you have, and the broodiness will pass, it is more tiring being older.

I have two teenagers and so wanted a third child but DH would NOT. Thank god, it would have finished me off. Now we have a great time. Personally I feel I would have ‘given’ up a bit on routines and rules with a third and probably they would have suffered a bit.

I wouldn't, firstly a low chance of getting preggers and a much high chance of something wrong with the baby, My aunt did this and had a child who was very disabled and died age 7 it was tragic and her other kids were neglected as she had to do everything for that child, while very very love it turned that family upside down depsite being warned about the risk of this happening. I know you will get many people say their kid was fine but it's certainly a much much higher risk than when younger.

But if you got for it of course wish you all the luck, health and happiest doing it x

Even though I had dd late I still a bit barmy about babies after but it passed and now I feel really content with three

I wouldn't. I've only been able to have one child but when I'm 44 he'll be 10 and I can't see me wanting to go back to the newborn stage.

Go for it OP!! Rooting for you

Gosh tbh since you already have two children I would try and focus on them and enjoy them. Of course all could be fine but the reality is if you have a successful pregnancy the odds of having a child with disabilities are higher and that could have an impact on your whole family.

I wouldn't because of the age gap. The older two will be at a very different stages of life compared to the youngest throughout the rest of their childhoods. I dont think that's an issue for them directly, necessarily, but you would always be juggling two different sets of needs / expectations/ interests etc. I don't know what you like doing as a family but things like the cinema, days out, meals out, holidays etc would just be that much more tricky. Some people don't mind that kind of thing but I'd feel I couldn't enjoy doing more adventurous things with the older ones as the baby / toddler was holding me back, or maybe vice versa - the younger child needs eclipsing their older siblings'.

@LividLaVidaLoca

You are statistically VERY unlikely to fall pregnant naturally and carry a healthy baby to term in your mid-40s.

The women commenting here are statistical outliers rather than the norm.

Look at fertility clinic data for over-40s. It’s hard.

I’m not saying this to be an arse, I’m nearly 42 and desperately TTC #2 after a miracle at 40.

This! I am struggling to conceive pfb at 39 due to poor egg quality and my consultant said that in my age group eggs decline significantly each month. I have excellent egg reserve for my age and I’m regular to the day so it’s not about quantity or ovulating. Fact is that with ages comes chromosomal damage and poor DNA replication in eggs as well as sperm DNA fragmentation. It is statistically much harder to conceive a baby to term in one’s 40s. I can get pregnant each month we try, they just don’t stick. Miscarriage central. If you want to do it start asap!

I can't think of anything worse!

I'm too old (at least - I feel too old), I have two already, the planet is fucked, shoes are expensive, we can't afford a bigger house, the thought of going back to the beginning with cluster feeding and naps and weaning and potty training and tantrums gives me the fear.

Oh and the stats are that the very best only one in every three eggs are chromosomally normal (euploid) so it’s definitely a numbers game.

I would look to the future… I had my DDs at 34 and 35. They are nearly 17 and 18 and I’m knackered having teens with all the emotional support and taxiing that’s needed at this age. I would definitely not want to be doing this ten years older than I am!

I got pregnant naturally at 45. There's a 3% chance. My miscarriage risk was 55%. Now I'm 11 weeks and the miscarriage risk has dropped to 2.5% but we have the scary chromosomal abnormalities tests to come. It's a rollercoaster and there's a long way to go. My other children are 6, 4 and 2.

Op I wouldn't, really your talking a 8 year gap between oldest and youngest, I have 6 years and its less than ideal.

Difficult to find other mums friends with same gap so one kid is happy with a pal while the other plays with tablet or tags along getting in the way.

If you want to retire then it's not easy either, trying to support them through uni / low paid apprenticeship wages.

Hard to do stuff together, big one age for kayaking and stuff LO too small, even going to the pictures can be tough Batman vs Big Red Dog. So family time get split, DH did Batman I did BRD.

Enjoy the two you have!

I had dd and baby number 5 at 44. Conceived naturally and I had a good pregnancy worked till 37 weeks and found having a baby no harder than when I was 17.
She's 10 now and has been a delight thankfully and I am.enjoying her so much.
Keeps me youthful as I have to muster the energy to do school runs, hobbies etc.
I am hoping she will be an easier teenager than the others but won't bet on it.

If you have the time, energy, money and wish for another baby then go for it! x Are you thinking of trying naturally or considering fertility treatments to get things moving along faster?