Would it be mean to go off alone on my 50th bday on the trip DH planned?

[Motherofgorgons]

I have my 50th bday coming up soon. DH has kindly planned a 3 day mini break ( in the UK) for the two of us.

Here's the thing: I feel like I want to go alone. We have had a very hard time in the pandemic. Without going into too much detail: job loss, mental health, WFH for ever, DC problems... I feel like I just want to go somewhere alone where I do not have to talk to anyone and make no effort whatsoever. Perhaps it's relevant that we both WFH in a very small flat and we are bickering a lot.

I go away alone all the time, btw, or used to pre-pandemic. But it seems mean to go alone on a break he planned?

I think you need to go on this one with dh and plan something else to do alone.

Is doing the planned trip an option and also a solo night away somewhere?

Personally I would organise another trip away alone and then enjoy the birthday trip together once you've had some space alone. Itd be different if you had said before he booked it that you'd like to go away alone and then booked something

Yes, it’s mean. Can you plan another solo trip?

Exactly as above. You can't say to him thanks for my birthday trip but I don't want you to come.

Go with him and plan another solo one a different time.

I’d try and squeeze the solo one in before the original one as it sounds as if you really need some alone time. If you can’t do an overnight trip maybe a day out on your own would help.

YABU. You can't do that on this occasion.

If you want a solo trip, that's fine, but you need to book it and plan it yourself, not kick him off the joint holiday he's booked for you both.

Yes, it’s mean.

Not a problem going away by yourself. Big problem excluding your DH from this trip.

Yeah, I understand where you're at OP, but I think you have to graciously accept and go away with your DP this time.

Could you perhaps explain to him though that while you're looking forward to spending time together, that you'd also really value some time alone while you're away? I love to explore a new place on my own and so does my DH, so we give each other that space and it's really good for our relationship, because then we can share the things we've discovered and go back together to, say, a nice-looking bar or restaurant or a gorgeous fountain or whatever.

You can’t do that. You will have to take yourself off alone at another opportunity. Preferably before the trip away to help you reset a little!!

you need to ask if it's mean...?

wtf are you thinking...?

@zafferana

Yeah, I understand where you're at OP, but I think you have to graciously accept and go away with your DP this time.

Could you perhaps explain to him though that while you're looking forward to spending time together, that you'd also really value some time alone while you're away? I love to explore a new place on my own and so does my DH, so we give each other that space and it's really good for our relationship, because then we can share the things we've discovered and go back together to, say, a nice-looking bar or restaurant or a gorgeous fountain or whatever.

This sounds good. It is a special interest place. A historical attraction that he has no interest in.

@timeisnotaline

You can’t do that. You will have to take yourself off alone at another opportunity. Preferably before the trip away to help you reset a little!!

I wish but work is so busy. I haven't been alone in my house for over 2 years for more than an hour or two. I was planning a solo trip and then we all got Omicron so I postponed it.

Maybe when you are on this trip (you have to take DH on this trip he has organised for you both), and are both relaxed you can discuss it with him? Maybe he is feeling the same way and fancies a bit of 'me time' as well at some point.

Take yourself out of the house for an afternoon and commit to sitting on your own the whole time! Can you do that? Just because there are always people at home doesn’t mean you can’t make an hour or two for yourself.