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Original poster

My son refuses to do anything and I don't know how to manage it

19 replies

thinkingcapon · 06/02/2022 11:27

Hello

My son is 5 and I cannot get him to try anything new......eg swimming, cycling, hobbies out with school

Massive meltdowns , huge battles which normally ends up in us pulling him out and trying again a few months later

I'm finding it difficult that he doesn't want to do anything his friends do whatsoever.

Do I just leave it or keep trying?

Thanks

OP posts:
NintendoStress · 06/02/2022 15:32

My son, 8, is similar. I am sure it is not going to win us any parenting awards, but we bribe him to do things. I would pick one thing that you want him to do (and know he has the ability to do) and stick with it. For my son, it was football. We used to bribe him with his favourite snack to get him out of the house and then a pack of his favourite collectable cards once home again. He now does it without complaint and enjoys it. If you keep chopping and changing you'll never get through the pain barrier that eventually leads to acceptance plus you are also reinforcing a behaviour that if he kicks up a stink you'll eventually back down.

TeenPlusCat · 06/02/2022 15:37

He's only 5. Is it possible he's just tired out from school?

I view swimming as a life skill, so I'd be pushing that, but other stuff, not so much.

Maybe he just enjoys pottering around, playing lego, drawing, reading, cooking. Or is the issue that all he wants is screens?

Dillydollydingdong · 06/02/2022 15:40

If he's happy where's the problem? Some kids aren't the outdoors type. No point making him go swimming and cycling if he doesn't want to. My kids just liked playing at home with friends.

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Thegirlwiththeeagereyes · 06/02/2022 15:44

Can you think why this might be? Is it a new thing, or was he like this before he started school? It could be that school is enough for him at the moment.

I wouldn't push him, apart from the swimming - it's a necessary life skill so I would keep trying with that, but as for everything else just let him be.

pointythings · 06/02/2022 15:47

Swimming is important, but for the rest of it I'd just let it go until he discovers what he's interested in.

Leeds2 · 06/02/2022 15:49

I wonder if he is just too tired after school?

I view swimming and riding a bike as life skills which to me are non negotiables, although would maybe leave it a couple of years until he is more capable of understanding why these things are important.

Would he try something like Beavers (I think it is called Beavers, the one before Cubs)? I'm thinking his friends may already be there and the activities they do are more likely things he feels he can join in straight away without having to learn something new (like he would with swimming or cycling).

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 06/02/2022 15:50

5 is still very little - could he just be really tired with full time school? Was he the same in the middle of summer with low pressure family activities like going to the pool or for a bike ride?

What does he want to do instead? Is it a screen time fixation issue?

Obviously there could be lots of other things going on, but tiredness or screen time seem the most obvious and easiest to approach! (Tiredness - ease off the extra demands in term time for now, until he's a little bit older. Screen time - clean break with no screens at all for two weeks, including no screens for anyone else while he's awake and at home. Hard at first but break the fixation and see how he is after two weeks).

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 06/02/2022 15:53

Dd was like this. Why does he have to attend?

We taught her to swim. She’s very much an introvert and likes nothing better than being at home she 15.

Not all kids like organised activities. I’d just leave him be.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/02/2022 17:23

He's 5, why does he need to be dragged to stuff yo u think he ought to like?

If you're worried he's stuck to a screen at home then deal with that but he's not missing out by not doing something he doesn't want to do.

Serenschintte · 06/02/2022 17:33

Leave it. Limited or no screens. He will figure out what he likes. Maybe trips to the library?

MaizeAmaze · 06/02/2022 17:45

Aged 5, swimming lessons were the only none negotiable - but we lived somewhere with an un gated pool, 2m deep at the shallow end, about 200m away.
When he turned 8, he asked to go to football. Aged 9, he asked for drum lessons. He has kept both up (now 11). He can also swim a couple of lengths in several strokes.
Work out what is needed for safety, and suggest other things if you think they might appeal, but listen to the answer.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/02/2022 17:46

@Serenschintte

Leave it. Limited or no screens. He will figure out what he likes. Maybe trips to the library?
Would you let him have screens if he went to football once a week Seren?
itsme1978 · 06/02/2022 18:16

He doesn't get any screen time as he's got no interest in tv at all

I agree with the posters who agree that swimming is a life skill and I'd really like him to be able to swim for a safety issue

It's hard work constantly entertaining him if he won't get into anything !

SarahBellam · 06/02/2022 18:17

I'd leave it. Especially swimming for now. My kids went from 4 years old and we schlepped over to the leisure centre in a different town on a Saturday morning for 6 years. They didn't 'really' learn to swim until about 6 or 7. My friend didn't start hers until they were about 8 and they'd learned everything in about 6 months! There will be exceptions and some amazing younger swimmers but for most I don't think their coordination is well enough developed until theyre a bit older. Are there afternoon clubs at school he could go to? Mine had some dance and cookery classes and as it was straight after school I didn't have to have that fight. Mine are well into their teens now and my DD still does gymnastics and my DS plays football, but they've tried everything - art, ballet, tae kwondo, tap...Don't force it. If it sticks, it sticks. As long as he's active at school, or you have a go at activities you can do together (e.g. take him to a pool for a splash around with toys) he'll be fine. One thing though - don't forget about the swimming. Pool parties as the local swimming pool become popular from about 8 years old and they need to know how to swim if the want to go on the inflatables with their mates.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2022 10:28

@itsme1978

He doesn't get any screen time as he's got no interest in tv at all

I agree with the posters who agree that swimming is a life skill and I'd really like him to be able to swim for a safety issue

It's hard work constantly entertaining him if he won't get into anything !

Are you op and name changed?
UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 07/02/2022 10:35

He's only tiny. Make sure he has toys and books that he finds interesting and leave him to occupy himself. There's loads of time ahead of you yet.

Seeline · 07/02/2022 10:46

It's hard work constantly entertaining him if he won't get into anything

Honestly, a 45 min session once a week, along with the hassle of getting there, hanging around until it finishes and then getting him home, usually at the wrong time for dinner, isn't going to have much impact on entertaining him!

I wouldn't force him to join stuff if he doesn't want to.

Neither would I be trying to entertain him the whole time. I'm sure he has toys, books, drawing materials etc. It's good for kids to find themselves stuff to do. If he gets bored occasionally he might be more keen to try new stuff outside the house.

bigbluebus · 07/02/2022 11:24

My DS was similar at that age. All his classmates were doing activities after school but he wouldn't do anything. We did try 1:1 swimming lessons but even that wasn't very successful as he wouldn't put his face in the water. We just carried on taking him to the pool ourselves to play in the water and gain confidence until he was ready for formal lessons. He was 7 before he was ready to take part in the small group lessons and went on to swim like a fish. He much preferred to do 1:1 activities and did learn a musical instrument from the age of 8, went to the climbing wall with his dad weekly (DH had to do a belaying course so he could supervise) but by the age of 10 had joined a Karate club and a swimming club.
Best not to push it and just wait until he's ready - and be grateful you're not running around after school trying to juggle mealtimes and bedtime!

sanityisamyth · 07/02/2022 11:27

@Leeds2

I wonder if he is just too tired after school?

I view swimming and riding a bike as life skills which to me are non negotiables, although would maybe leave it a couple of years until he is more capable of understanding why these things are important.

Would he try something like Beavers (I think it is called Beavers, the one before Cubs)? I'm thinking his friends may already be there and the activities they do are more likely things he feels he can join in straight away without having to learn something new (like he would with swimming or cycling).

He's too young for Beavers. That starts at age 6, but there might be a Squirrels group running nearby, which takes them from 4.

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