Treatment for primary vaginismus? If you’ve had it, what worked?

[ihatethecold]

My dd19 told me she has this. She said it causes her pain and it’s affecting her mental health.

She thinks she’s had it since she was about 14.
She’s never said anything before apart from she can’t use tampons.
She’s on the pill continuously so doesn’t have periods.

I feel sad she hasn’t said anything before but she says she realised what it was after watching sex education late last year (one of the characters has this condition)

She said it suddenly made sense.

She also thinks it’s the pill that is causing this pain.

I’ve never heard this before but after looking online it seems there could be a link.

She is talking to her GP next week

Has anyone managed to treat this condition?

She is considering stopping the pill and seeing but is afraid of very painful periods returning.

If there’s nothing physically wrong, Dilators are usually the physical treatment I believe, plus therapy and a programme of experimenting with your own pleasure as you’d expect.

Seeing the GP and getting it checked is the main thing. Do some research on what should be check as I have a dim memory of a friend of mine being fobbed off with it as a psychological problem when actually there was something physical (too long ago to remember what), attitudes are better these days, but make a fuss.

I don’t think it would be anything to do with the pill BTW so discourage her from doing anything drastic there.

Thanks for responding.

I did google about the pill because I didn’t actually believe it but it’s seems to have been studied.

Not that that means it’s why she has these difficulties.

I am not aware of the pill causing this. I have a diagnosis of it and like your DD, it has been the case since I first noticed tampons weren't possible for me aa a teen, and then when sex or certain penetration was either not possible, or agonising.

Firstly she needs to be checked by her GP to make sure there isn't some other physical gynae cause, if it is vaginismus then she can be referred to the specialist women's health physio who deal with the entire pelvic floor. They will likely assess, offer physical therapy such as dilators, breathing exercises and pelvic floor exercises aimed at relaxing and controlling the ability to relax the pelvic floor muscles, which are quite complex.

She may also find psychosexual counselling helpful and be offered this.

Ultimately for me there has been no 'cure'. I found a wonderful partner who understands and never applies pressure, we don't feel a need for penis on vagina sex, when there are so many other wonderful ways to have sexual intimacy. It hasn't affected the relationship at all. One day I might try the dilators again but at this time feel no need to do it 'for' him or anyone but me.

Hope she can get some answers OP, and knows it does not reflect badly on her in any way shape or form, or affect her worth. The right people will know that.

I had this about 25 to. 30 years ago. I got passed round to different services but ultimately ended up with a range of dilators in different sizes. I then gradually built up in sizes. This alongside figuring out how to relax using breathing techniques has signficantly reduced the impact of it in my life - Including wearing tampons and having 2 baby's. So yes there is an option that does help but it took me a while to find what that was. Am sure there are better options today though.

I have had a client who successfully got past it by addressing her experiences around sex being dirty and dangerous. I had a different client who got past it by addressing her medical traumas, around urinary genital health. This is Traumatic Incident Reduction btw. Neither woman had anything that another person would flag as "traumatic" or bad, so there doesn't need to be big reasons, the brain is horrendously clever at taking a chance overhead comment and building a direction around it.

Hi OP. I had vaginismus at 19. I was able to use tampons but penetrative sex was impossible. In my case I really believe that exercise was key to solving it, so a programme of gym work, swimming and cycling all helped to strengthen the muscles over a period of time. I discovered all this by accident. I never liked using dilators but I remember having a brilliant breakthrough with them one night when I'd been swimming.

I had taken Dianette at 14 but I've not heard of the link you mentioned so I'm going to look into that.

Happy to try to answer any questions you may have. I felt so isolated at the time and there was a complete lack of understanding and empathy from my then GP although the consultant was excellent once I got to her. My relationship wasn't good and while that was a factor I think my lack of fitness was the bigger factor. It all feels like a long time ago now, and while it was distressing at the time, it is resolved and a distant memory. Good luck to your daughter.

Thanks so much for your responses.
She does have anxiety since she was bullied at 13.
She’s on anti depressants and has been through the child mental health services.
She’s also had private counselling but I believe hasn’t ever mentioned this issue to a therapist.

I think watching sex education last year helped her understand and put a name to the condition.

Maybe now she has told me she can consider talking therapy again.

I am also a counsellor but no specialist training in psychosexual issues. I have access to get recommendations without anyone knowing it’s about my dd.