12 year old birthday/party

[Caughtinamoment]

11/12 year olds are too old to be out with parents supervising a booked activity with cake, invites etc. But possibly too young to manage by themselves. I don't know any of DSs friends/parents at secondary school.

Thinking I try get him to arrange to meet a couple for cinema or activity and give him money to pay for them and pizza afterwards? Would you be happy with this as a parent? Would you expect to be contacted?

Bump for how people do birthdays at 12.

At 12 I would expect to be contacted and some structure and oversight by the parents.

Definitely pizza and cinema. You're in the hinterland between childrens' parties and teenage booze fests. Enjoy it while it lasts!

My dd did cinema and pizza. I contacted parents, the girls met at our house and I dropped them off at the cinema then I was in the restaurant (at a different table with my friend) and paid at the end.

It’s still really common to have proper invitation type activities/ disco with a parent around in year 7. Depending on how many of them there are I think a restaurant might expect you to be there at another table

Definitely still contact parents as 12 year old can't always be trusted to pass on correct information to their parents.

Just get ds to get a mobile number for each one and give basic details such as time and place to meet, time and place to collect, any money or food/drink they need to bring.

No paper invitations in year 7 here. Mine have done smaller gatherings so DS a sleepover with two mates. DD a day out at an event. She did all the organising. I went with them and kept a distance while they enjoyed it

U have a child in y6 who recently had a birthday. Arranged a meal out with friends. They met at the restaurant, dropped off by parents. I sat at a different table, but they could come over if there were issues.
Parents picked the others up at the end.

I think DS would find it weird if I stayed at restaurant/hung around. He meets a friend or two already (from primary school) and they have lunch by themselves - which might be the easier option but would be nice to try do it with new friends.

So if I ask friend for parents number and provide a meeting time, where they'll be and a time to expect home/pick up that would be ok?

Good point re pizza. Restaurants might not want 11/12 year olds. Might be better at a fancy burger chain that doesn't need a booking/less formal.

For my dds 11th, I organised over WhatsApp with the other parents. Kids did an activity and we hovered around. In year six I remember my ds being invited to a class party in a church hall...proper invites sent out. Party was a disco with takeaway pizzas delivered. Parents hovering around.

I stayed in the seating area as the pizza place wouldn’t have them unsupervised.

I took a book and ignored them!

In your case op, I'd probably take them to the restaurant, get them seated and get the food ordered, then leave them to it and sit in a neraby coffee shop...come back at the end

I think the year makes a big difference. Primary school they all grow up together and parents know each other. Secondary school they are very independent.

DS has been to Y7 'parties' that are bowling, cinema, pizza etc. Birthday child passed on parents' mobile number to arrange, and we dropped off/picked up. Parents supervised at a distance (i.e. in the coffe shop of cinema, in bar part of pizza place, etc)

I think DS would find it weird if I stayed at restaurant/hung around
Regardless of how weird your DS finds it, his friend's parents might not be happy to send their 11/12 year olds out without adult supervision. I agree with other posters suggesting you remain with them but at a distance.

Regardless of how weird your DS finds it, his friend's parents might not be happy to send their 11/12 year olds out without adult supervision
Yes that's true. And why I was trying to gauge other opinions.
He might prefer to meet up with old friends than be supervised. I'll give him the choice.

Usually you just get the parents number through your son asking their child.
I think a burger place would be better. If they’re that worried about you being on the other side of the restaurant I’d wonder why tbh. I think a number of year 7s probably don’t have as much freedom as your son. Maturity varies enormously at that age. And nobody wants disruptive kids when they’re trying to watch a film or have a nice meal out! So probably better to go quite ‘safe’ or go with the existing group if they are all at a stage when they won’t mess around

I have twins turning 12 soon so this is interesting to me.
Similar to others - they are not quite old or mature enough to be let loose but too old for a supervised party.
DS is having a few friends to have lunch out and play pool etc at a local centre. DH will be supervising them.
DD is taking 3 friends to the shops - I’ll be giving them a bit of pocket money and tailing them round the shops for a bit then taking them to the cinema and to a pizza place.
I’ll sit apart from them at the cinema and probably at a separate table at the restaurant.

I still did supervision at 12.

Bowling party was pretty supervised. DD wants arcades and five guys, I’ll be hanging around in the background.

It's interesting how different everyone is. I was definitely more uptight than most re film age and gaming ratings etc but DS1 can go into town, cinema with friend, have lunch out as occasional treat (cafe/coffee chain type places rather than restaurants). He travels across town to school so has had to be independent. I don't worry if it's just two of them, I do worry about new friends/groups in terms of messing around/crossing busy roads.

All the birthday ideas sound good and I will suggest to him with me at a distance as he might go for it

Follow up....had a chat with DS. He is happy for me to get parents numbers, do the paying, linger nearby etc so that he can invite a couple of new friends.

His main concern it turns out is that his new best friend swears a lot!

My ds turned 12 recently and he went to a trampoline park with 3 friends and then for food after. The restaurant were happy for them to sit at a table by themselves without an adult. I obviously paid for it all.