Walking away from family (‘forever’) - how to?

[nevercomingback]

For various reasons I want nothing to do with them anymore, at all, I want away . Too much to explain . Told GP yesterday I was considering giving up and she said it’s my decision/my life, she can only advise me against ending it, but then said there’s nothing stopping me from walking away from family, and never coming back . Said that would be safer for me .

I have safe accommodation I can go to, I can change my mobile number and give it only to essential people, I can delete all social media .

I’ve got money and ability to travel .

My family know my address but it’s a locked door/buzzer and I don’t have to answer it .

GP said to give her another week to try and help me, said if I can get this far I can promise her another seven days of keeping myself safe, but I’m not sure I can manage that long.

My head’s in such a mess that it seems the only safe option, to run away .

I genuinely don’t know what else to do, I’ve never felt so desperate before .

Bump

Its always ok to walk away from family OP.
You can cut anyone out who is affecting your mental health. It doesn’t have to be forever. But it can be. Your worth something and you can make yourself happy. Travel, have dates, find something your passionate about. Live the life YOU want. Don’t let anyone stand in your way. If your suicidal, please reach out. There is always a listing ear 💙

Is this from parents/siblings or partner and children? I’m think is the first. If you need to leave then do it. You know why you need to go, and being safe is a very good reason.

I’ve moved half way across the world - only in contact with sibling because of nieces and nephews. Best decision ever.

I did exactly this over 40 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. But I do know how inexplicably difficult it is, even when it's the thing you want most in the world.
You say you have money. Would moving house be an option? I moved far away from my original 'home' and this has given me real peace of mind - knowing that they do not know where I am and I am never going to see them anywhere.
I'm really sorry you are feeling so upset. Is there anyone you can talk to IRL? Please consider ringing the Samaritans if you need to.

I’m too scared to do it .

I had moved far away but got told I have responsibility/duty so can’t stay there .

I’m desperate . GP said she was pleading with me not to do anything impulsive, said if I walk away I need to call the police for help, but I don’t know what to do .

Family would never forgive me for leaving . They’d make sure I suffered for it .

Op are there cultural reasons for your fear?

If they have treated you so badly that you are this scared then you do NOT have duty/responsibility to them. You are an adult, you can live wherever you want and you do not have to engage with people who are hurting you. You do not need their permission. You do not need their forgiveness.
You seem to have found the courage to leave once before so please try to find that courage again - go far away and do not tell anyone where you are going, go complete NC with everyone whilst you find your inner strength.

@nevercomingback

I’m too scared to do it .

I had moved far away but got told I have responsibility/duty so can’t stay there .

I’m desperate . GP said she was pleading with me not to do anything impulsive, said if I walk away I need to call the police for help, but I don’t know what to do .

Family would never forgive me for leaving . They’d make sure I suffered for it .

Will you be safe when you go OP?

Is there just one trusted person in your life you can tell where you've gone to, so they could reach you if you needed?

The fact that you are posting in here says that you want some help- what is it you feel you need?

Are you the poster who's family are encouraging to give up uni to care for another relative. If so don't go back they're toxic,
And if you're someone new in a similar situation walk away, better to walk away alive than stay and do something very final if that's what you're contemplating

@nellly

Are you the poster who's family are encouraging to give up uni to care for another relative. If so don't go back they're toxic, And if you're someone new in a similar situation walk away, better to walk away alive than stay and do something very final if that's what you're contemplating

Yes, I had to come home, there was no other option but now that I’m here I’m stuck . I’m completely lost . GP is being very, very kind and supportive and says she’s appalled and says extremely worried I’m going to make a choice that I won’t be able to come back from , but family said it’s a situation of my own making because I didn’t tell them how disabled mum was before .

It was never my fault, but I don’t think family know the half of what went on in my childhood and I don’t think they can/will ever fully understand . I can’t tell them .

I can’t get it sorted in my head, I don’t know what to do .

I don’t have any friends where I am, nearest is 55 miles away, I don’t know anyone, I can’t travel anywhere, I can’t make any independent choices . I can’t even go out a walk alone as can’t leave mum alone .

The only sort of good thing is I can do uni from distance as long as required . And as long as I’m here my mum is safe. That’s it .

I’m even frightened I’ll get caught somehow talking on here, in case a relative recognises, I don’t know .

I’m not brave enough to do anything more final, I haven’t got the confidence.

I just want away and back to my own house and my own life . Desperately . I love my mum very, very much and I want her to be safe but my mum even says she doesn’t want me here, she keeps telling me to go pack and get back to uni, but I can’t .

Are you a young person and your family is forcing you to be a carer for a disabled adult for the rest of that person's life?

Then you need to leave. It is unfair to expect you to do that and they should not be using threats as a way to keep you captive.

Speak to the police and a woman's refuge might be an option to get out.

Let social services deal with your disabled parents and tell them you can no longer support her.

Your university might also have someone you can speak to?

If I were you I would literally pack my bags, speak to the police, name the relatives who are threatening you and leave.

You can do it at night while your mother is sleeping.

You might also be better of trying to move to a different town to be further out of reach.

I am no contact with all my relatives, don't miss them at all and wish I had done it sooner.

I did move to another country though which made avoiding them easier but they did harass me over the phone for a while so I changed my number a few times. They even tried to track me down through the embassy of their country of origin (by lying to them pretending they thought I was in some kind of trouble and then by lying again saying they had had an accident and were trying to contact me about the news...). I told the embassy that is they contacted me again I would see it as harassment and seek a restraining order.

It can be done but it won't be an easy road but you deserve to have your own life and make your own choices.

Oh
God you have to, I read your other thread, there are adult social services who can step in with your mum but they will only do that if you're firm and stay away. Block your family members numbers and on social media they are awful.
You have done more than your fair share abs your poor mum wouldn't want you giving up your life for her like this