If your 4 year old had selective hearing, did they grow out of it?

[MrsTophamHat]

My DS has always been bad at listening. I think sometimes we've got so used to it that we don't notice it as much but it's embarrassing around others when they talk to him and he just ignores them, carrying on with what he is doing.

He has had his hearing checked, and he'll be having the Reception screening again soon. They said last time he was in normal range, if a bit weak on one side.

However, i know that he can hear and listen. He listens into adult conversations when he looks like he is playing and then will come and ask us questions about it.

He seems to be doing OK in school though they did mention it at the first parents evening. I suspect he may just not look as though he is listening. They also mentioned that he is very into trains which made me think they were looking at him for autism, but I don't think this is the case.

Any experience from those of you with older ones now?

If he has glue ear it can fluctuate and he may be fine for one hearing test but not another.
Ds at times tested down to 10% of normal hearing, but in the summer would test normal.

I know plenty of (rude) adults with selective deafness so I don't think people grow out of it. If his hearing is fine, this is behavioural and you need to train him out of it - ignoring people is not acceptable. Is he at school yet?

Thanks for that. I'll take him back.

The not responding to being spoken to is fairly consistent though. He almost always has heard because I will make him look at me and ask him "what did I just ask you to do?" and he does it. But to look at him, you would think he was completey oblivious

My dd was a bit like that, especially at school, and they too asked for her to have a hearing test, which came back normal. In the end, I asked them to sit her at a table facing the teacher and that helped. I have a feeling that with dd, she found it difficult to pick out conversation aimed at her from all the extraneous background noise.

@TheOccupier

I know plenty of (rude) adults with selective deafness so I don't think people grow out of it. If his hearing is fine, this is behavioural and you need to train him out of it - ignoring people is not acceptable. Is he at school yet?

He started this year. I do make him look at me and respond but it's all the time and he's been like this from being a toddler.

My DC had this and initially it was to do with Glue causing fluctuating levels of deafness, then speech and language issues cause by this (especially regarding processing what's been said to him). He wouldn't understand properly unless I made sure I was speaking him directly (and face on) and sometimes needed what I said broken down into smaller parts, or some extra time to process things he'd heard.

Try using his name and making it clear that what you are saying is being directed at him and you expect a response.

Some people with ASD/ADHD hear what is being said but don't realise it is being directed at them so don't know that you are expecting a response from them. I have a couple of students that know what they are supposed to do if I question why they haven't started writing in their book/ collect equipment but didn't know that they were supposed to do it with the rest of the class.

Dd outgrew it. Carry on as you are. Getting him to repeat the instructions.
Sounds quite normal to me.

My DS(8) is like this, hearing is fine (tested) he just only listens when he wants to.

Ask him to do something = won't hear.
Talk about something he shouldn't hear while he is sitting in a different room and wearing headphones = will hear every word and repeat it back.

My older brother is the exact same. We are working on it but tbh I think its just how he is. He hears fine in school.

I think if school are raising it as a concern, don't brush it off. They will have seen hundreds of 4 years old and will know what is normal and what is a concern. Ask them for advice on what to do next. It could be a hearing problem, a concentration issue, or an auditory processing issue.

My DS(7) has always been like this. You can't just say something to him casually and assume he will hear what you are saying - you need to first get his attention, focus him, then speak. It is massively draining, and I notice the difference between him and his friends. They are so much easier to communicate with. He is always blanking people because if he's not expecting them to speak to him and they don't start by saying his name in a "Walkies!" voice, he won't notice they are talking to him.

Because he has always been like this he had been fully assessed for everything - hearing, ASD, processing, the lot. All normal. Academically average. He has not grown out of it yet. Away with the fairies is what we would have called it growing up, and I take comfort in the fact that the space cadets I knew growing up are doing well in adult life.

DSs never grow out of selective hearing. They just grow into DHs with selective hearing.

This is what worries me because I don't want him to be rude. He's really good natured and placid overall, it's just the conversation that can be draining.

"What did you do at school today?"

...

"Name, what did you do at school today?"

...

"Name, I asked you a question. Look at me"

Then he'll answer.

If he still ignores me at that point he gets time out. Should I lower my threshold?

"DINNER'S READY!" [said at full volume outside the bedroom door] - nada
"do you want some money, chocolate, a lift" [whispered from the bottom of the garden] - great thanks mum

We had my DS's hearing tested twice but eventually resigned ourselves to it being selective hearing - he's now 17 and still the same. Bloody annoying, bloody rude but no amount of discussion, pleading, appealing to his better nature (& he does have one ) or any other tactic has changed him.

DM would say I have selective hearing. I had a history of ear infections including perforated ear drums. Nearly had grommets as a child. Hearing tests were always normal range. In early adulthood Auditory Processing Dysfunction was identified.

Sometimes it's like hearing on a time lag and I have to manually fill the gaps between what I heard, context, and lip reading. I'm forever repeating incorrect nonsense sentences back to the DCs of the garblings that I did pick up so they can pin down the gaps and fill it in with sense. I do ignore some things because if I've caught less than 40% and it's a circumstance such as a DC calling across the house, it tends to be easier to let them decide if it's important enough to come to me to try again. I've learned through experience when it's just going to be a losing battle to try to piece it together.
I struggle against background noise. Sitting on the end of a bigger group in a restaurant can result in me just singing along to the over-loud music because it's just too bloody hard to try and follow conversation.

I do wonder if there is further neurodiversity for a variety of reasons (dyspraxia? ADHD?)
DS1 has diagnoses of ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia. DS2... well he's very much like me...

With DS1, his head (like mine) is very full of internal monologue and that can often get in the way. He does need a clear signal to engage. Interestingly, his speech pattern also mimics this, so even if he's got your full attention, he'll start sentences with "mummy" and continue to do so through the conversation. DS2's conversation is of normal patterns and I strongly suspect that he has dyslexia, and would wonder about inattentive ADHD.

My grandfather referred to my Uncle then my brother as "DWW" - deaf when wanted

I'm sure if he had lived long enough my DS & one of my DD's would have been called DWW too.

At that age mine needed physical connection like hand on shoulder to connect to what I said. IME it improves lots around 8-10

I panicked about their hearing lots but mine could hear chocolate being whispered from another room