Hi, I am 41 years old and 12+4 weeks pregnant. This was planned pregnancy, but now I feel so unsure of it. My husband said he will support my decision no matter what. I had an abortion in the past and it was very hard, the most difficult decision I’ve ever made and would not like to repeat this experience. It took me while to recover mentally, and I still feel scared by it. I was never maternal and did not want children when was younger, to be hones some children I find quite annoying. By my mid 30ties most of my friend had children. Once my two closest friend had kids, I thought that it might be good time to have my own, that it would be easier, that I would not be alone. I never felt that biological clock, desire to have child. My friends seem so happy with their kids, I am envious of that, I wish I was like that. I was hoping that once pregnant I would feel love and desire to have my own child, but instead I am dreading it. I keep thinking of the sleepless nights, constant demands, boring play time, mess, noise and that child will be there 24/7 for at least 18 years. Our families live in another country and our Mums are in their 70ies with own health issues, we would not have any family support. We are not rich or poor but after paying for the childcare we would not have that much left. And I am very conscious of my age when my child will be able to walk to school and back on their own and stay on their own I will be in my mid 50ies. I am worried that once child will be born I will not be happy, that feelings of love will not come. At the same time I keep thinking that I might regret not having child in the future, I know that if I have an abortion now I will not have children at all. I don’t know what to do. Don’t know if I should keep going despite all my feelings and hope for the best or I should abort and accept that motherhood might not be for me. We could travel and retire early. Did anybody felt like that? And if yes how your life worked out?