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Wanted pregnancy but now unsure.

4 replies

AnnaM75 · 04/02/2022 20:34

Hi, I am 41 years old and 12+4 weeks pregnant. This was planned pregnancy, but now I feel so unsure of it. My husband said he will support my decision no matter what. I had an abortion in the past and it was very hard, the most difficult decision I’ve ever made and would not like to repeat this experience. It took me while to recover mentally, and I still feel scared by it. I was never maternal and did not want children when was younger, to be hones some children I find quite annoying. By my mid 30ties most of my friend had children. Once my two closest friend had kids, I thought that it might be good time to have my own, that it would be easier, that I would not be alone. I never felt that biological clock, desire to have child. My friends seem so happy with their kids, I am envious of that, I wish I was like that. I was hoping that once pregnant I would feel love and desire to have my own child, but instead I am dreading it. I keep thinking of the sleepless nights, constant demands, boring play time, mess, noise and that child will be there 24/7 for at least 18 years. Our families live in another country and our Mums are in their 70ies with own health issues, we would not have any family support. We are not rich or poor but after paying for the childcare we would not have that much left. And I am very conscious of my age when my child will be able to walk to school and back on their own and stay on their own I will be in my mid 50ies. I am worried that once child will be born I will not be happy, that feelings of love will not come. At the same time I keep thinking that I might regret not having child in the future, I know that if I have an abortion now I will not have children at all. I don’t know what to do. Don’t know if I should keep going despite all my feelings and hope for the best or I should abort and accept that motherhood might not be for me. We could travel and retire early. Did anybody felt like that? And if yes how your life worked out?

OP posts:
Kfjsjdbd · 04/02/2022 21:26

I was actively trying to get pregnant, then as soon as I was I became terrified. I just wanted the baby out of me. It must have been hormone changes as exactly the same thing happened with my second (also planned for). Think it’s pretty common if you google it.

They are both now absolutely adored children. My favourite things. However the love didn’t come instantly. It grew.

Whatever decision you make I am sure it will be the right one.

Liverbird77 · 05/02/2022 08:35

It's such a big thing it's perfectly normal to panic!
I had similar ideas to you but eventually had my two children at 41 and 43. Best decision ever for me!

It is tiring at times, but it's not as bad as you might think! My eldest is already at pre school three days per week and the youngest will start nursery two days a week from September. You slowly get your time back.

They are hilarious and I love watching them grow and develop.

My only regret is that is didn't start sooner because I would have liked to have four or five!

In your situation I would most certainly go ahead with the pregnancy.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

picklemewalnuts · 05/02/2022 09:33

It's a hormonal thing, partly. I became pregnant after trying for quite some time. Desperately wanted pregnancy. The minute I realised I was actually pregnant my heart dropped, I felt dread throughout every part of me. A real visceral sensation. I began considering termination.

Fortunately I had already established personal beliefs about termination, that I wouldn't do it. (Just for me, not opinions about anyone else's choices). Had I not, I might well have done it, and never had my absolutely wonderful 21 year old.

Hang in there, this is a pregnancy that your rational self wanted and planned. Don't let some hormonal surges put you off!

Look up pregnancy depression, if it carries on. It's a thing.

You will be ok. ThanksThanks

greatape · 05/02/2022 11:15

Can you access any counselling? As others have said pregnancy hormones are evil and that won't help here.

I am not going to say lots of stuff about how amazing motherhood is and all those concerns you raise won't matter. You need space to acknowledge your concerns and work through them to make a decision and that decision will be the right one for you.

I am thinking of you.

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