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Original poster

What would you do with 4 months off work together with your DH (with a newborn)?

23 replies

FeelSoAwful · 04/02/2022 18:51

The title kind of says it all but basically a bit of context:

I'm due with second child in a few weeks and we're in the very fortunate position that DH is able to take 4 months off work fully paid with me while I'm off work too. This time has to be immediately after baby's birth so we weren't able to do separate leave periods, nor did I want to return to work within that first 4 months.

We have a 4 year old who is at school so we can't swan off travelling for the whole time before anyone suggests that!

But with that in mind, what would you do with that 4 months? Like day to day, what should we do (other than nap etc)?? We're never going to get this time again (until we retire) and I really want to make it count i.e. not just fritter away the time. We'll obviously have our newborn so that impacts things but I want to look back at this time and be really fond of it with lovely memories.

Your ideas would be much appreciated! Thanks

OP posts:

Nosetickle · 04/02/2022 18:57

Oooh sounds lovely! The first six weeks I’d probably tag team and get as much rest as I could during the days. When things start to calm down a bit I’d start visiting relatives and friends who live a bit further afield and do a little tour of the country. I’d do it over school holidays if possible or take your DD out of school as she’s only 4 and the experience will be lovely for her too.

HairyScaryMonster · 04/02/2022 21:28

We did national trust properties, baby friendly cinema, lunches, walks. Get a good sling.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself, did a lot of box sets, napping and changing nappies too.

Solasum · 04/02/2022 21:39

Go on a proper adventure in the summer holidays

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4 year olds Families

TheUndoingProject · 04/02/2022 21:44

It sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself! Looking after a newborn and a 4 year old is a huge amount of work, even for two people. I’d enjoy time with your baby and getting as much rest as possible, and not worry too much about making memories that will last you until retirement.

BookFiend4Life · 04/02/2022 21:44

You could take a class together online? Something fun... a cooking class or an interesting history course or something. I think I would set a loose schedule, at least after you get through the first six weeks:
Monday is two deep clean activities a piece while the other parent watches the kids, evening is Takeaway and a movie
Tuesday is a kid friendly out of the house adventure (zoo, park, aquarium, children's museum etc)
Wednesday something physical if you can get childcare, like a bike ride or rock climbing
Etc.
I think a little structure will help the days seem fresh and exciting and also give you things to look forward to.

Matilda1981 · 04/02/2022 21:47

Not sure I could have coped with having my dh with me 24/7 with a newborn for 4 months - I’d probably use the time to have plenty of days out by myself 🤣 while my husband could look after the baby! Saying that I do have 4, the fourth was born a week into the very first lockdown so maybe I’m still craving time on my own!!!!

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2022 21:48

A great opportunity to get projects done around the house.

24petlegs · 04/02/2022 21:55

Take the 4yr old out of school for 4 months and do all the travel, visiting places, holidays, day trips etc together.

SaintDrogo · 04/02/2022 22:11

Another vote for take the 4 year old out of school and travel! Friends of ours did this, they had a rooftent where the DH and 4yo slept, and the mum &baby were in the van, but they booked a fair bit of accommodation too just to break it up. They said they were so glad they did it, both the couple and the older child have amazing memories from it.

Roaringlogfire · 04/02/2022 23:19

When I was on maternity leave, we took our 2 month old and 3 year old on trip to Australia for 2 months. We hired a camper van and lived in that travelling around. It was the best trip ever. Not sure how easy that would be with COVID though.

Roaringlogfire · 04/02/2022 23:20

Definitely take the 4 year old out of school for a a month or 2

VerveClique · 04/02/2022 23:25

Sleep, walks, coffees, Netflix, gardening, school runs, make delicious food, read… what’s wrong with that? You won’t get much time for that stuff once you’re both back at work!

1990s · 04/02/2022 23:29

@Roaringlogfire

This sounds incredible @Roaringlogfire, I’ve been looking for experiences of people doing this as I’d love to, was it okay with the 2 month old? Not too much?

Original poster

FeelSoAwful · 05/02/2022 06:19

Thanks for the ideas so far. Don’t think we can take the 4 year old out of school, she loves it too much there and also we’re starting a house extension later in the year when DH is back at work so need to hold onto as much money as poss. We’ll prob do a holiday at Easter or half term together but in terms of summer hols, DH will be back at work by then.

OP posts:

Cattitudes · 05/02/2022 06:24

Some decluttering in advance of the house extension. It may not be glamorous but easier for two to tackle than one.

TheTeenageYears · 05/02/2022 06:30

Probably not much beyond sharing household tasks and parenting both DC together and effectively. Ensuring first born has a smooth path to sibling hood. Honestly, if you are both able to look back fondly on the first 4 months of a 2nd DC you'll be winning. For most it's a grit your teeth and get through it anyway you can. It may not sound very exciting but if you are able to set up your family of 4 in the best way for the future you'll be achieving so much more for the future than you thought possible.

thingymaboob · 05/02/2022 06:42

I'm currently looking after a 4 year old and newborn and DH is also off for 4 months. He is mainly sorting out 4 year old school run etc and then he takes baby twice so I can have a morning and afternoon nap. Not sure when we will be able to do much else!

Adatwistscientist · 05/02/2022 06:52

Between a newborn and school drop offs and pick ups, I'd say not much else! Maybe try to go to baby cinema? I can't remember if partners are welcome though.

Maybe find some DIY projects that need doing, but then you don't want DH leaving you to deal with everything while he's lounging around pretending to drill stuff

RavenclawsRoar · 05/02/2022 07:00

I think it very much depends on your baby! Dc1 was an absolute nightmare so the first 4 months were a blur of sleep deprivation and endlessly soothing a rather cross, un-put down able baby! If dh had been off work I think we'd have both mostly spent time trying to ensure we both got enough sleep in 24 hours. Dc2 was really easy by comparison so day trips would have been possible, which we did at weekends.

Roaringlogfire · 05/02/2022 07:06

@1990s

t was so easy with both children. The baby was young enough to just feed and sleep on the flights and the 3 year old, old enough to entertain with toys and inflight entertainment.

We did a stop over to regroup so we weren't doing a straight 24 hour flight and kept all the journey clothes and equipment in the one case.
In the camper van, my husband slept with the 3 year old in the above cabin bed and I co slept with the baby in the other bed. Baby had own covers/ for safety.
It's the best thing we have ever done, and I would recommend to anyone. It was a trip we had always wanted to do and this was the perfect opportunity to have this time.
We knew it was either now with very young children or wait until retirement. We didn't regret it for a second.

BertieBotts · 05/02/2022 07:07

We did this twice :)

In general it was just nice to be able to completely relax about sleep and sleep whenever it suited one of us rather than being stressed and not getting enough. And DH could take over absolutely everything else (school runs, older child's night wakings, housework, food) so I could focus on establishing breastfeeding and recover from birth.

Also grocery shopping when it's quiet (that's boring, but meant we had more relaxed family weekends). Swimming when it's quiet and you don't have the older child being all splashy and excited.

DH did a bit of DIY/moving rooms around and lots of cleaning.

We went out for a few lunches - it's worth having some money set aside for that. We had actually planned to do it more but COVID

It's a nice time anyway, you don't need to pack it full of endless things. It's just lovely to be able to spend time with the baby and not worry about routines, feeding, trying to survive until the other parent gets home! DH spent a lot of time lying on the floor with the babies :o

RedRobyn2021 · 05/02/2022 09:44

Me and my partner had the first 6 weeks together after my daughter was born

It was marvellous, so much easier when there is two of you

Tbh I'd just enjoy things being easier, enjoy baby and your family. It's amazing how the days are filled up.

If you decide to breastfeed having DH there will help immensely with your daughter

Pythonesque · 05/02/2022 14:16

My sister got permission for "partial education out of school" or somesuch when she was on maternity leave while her eldest was in year 1, and used Fridays for outings. There was precedent for others doing it, and because they're in London it was brilliant to do museums and the zoo and so on on a less busy day. If there was anything special going on at school she could still go in for it. They would have loved to continue the same the next year (especially as number 3 was imminent), but the head changed and wouldn't allow any flexibility.

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