Biological dad's son not knowing

[Funkymonkry1995]

Hey im son is 8yrs old and his real dad hasn't been involved since he was 2yrs old. His real dad was abusive.
My son called My new partner "dad" to his friends but allways called him by his real name at home. We was together for 5yrs. He really did treat my son like he was his own. Me and my partner had another child he is now 2yrs old.
My partner passed away 2 weeks ago In a car accident.

I'm worried about my 8yr old thinking he was his dad. When really his real dad is still alive. We have never had to talk about his real dad as he's never asked or wondered why he didn't have a dad in the past. I dont want him to grow up and hate me when he finds now this man that passed away wasn't his real dad.

But his real dad hasn't had contact or wanted to. Social told his real dad he had to do an abuse corse if he wanted to have contact and he choose not to. And hasn't tried to bee in contact since.

Do I tell him please help 😔

His real dad was abusive. Unless you think he's turned his life around, he's not going to be a proper father figure. Surely you wouldn't want him to have any dealings with such a man. Maybe your son would benefit from some counselling. All the best to the both of you.

Have you been able to talk to your son about the death at all, ask how he's feeling etc? If you do that then you could say 'even though he wasn't your biological father he was a real dad to you wasn't he?' If you say it quite casually and like it's no big deal then the chances are he won't think it is either. Either he's always realised or everything will now make more sense. He might want to ask what 'biological father' means so be prepared! If you describe his step dad in terms of being a 'real dad' because he did all the loving wonderful things a 'real' dad does - explaining biological father could be trickier if he's not aware of sex, maybe time for that talk too.

I'm so sorry you have been through this OP. There's no huge rush to do it right now - you're all reeling I'm sure. But I wouldn't leave it too long to tackle it. Maybe get some advice from children's bereavement charities, they might be able to help. Good luck he's lucky to have such a loving mum and to have experienced how a real dad should behave.

Unless your dp adopted him I guess at some point in the future you will need to show him his birth certificate and explain. But definitely not yet, while it is so fresh and emotional. The important thing to stress will be all those years he shared with his "dad". Sorry for your loss