Help! I’m going out of my mind

[didihearthatright123456]

Nearly 3 year old twins. DT1 is a terrible eater, but tonight has just nearly driven me over the edge

So I served

Rice - safe food (well used to be)
Chicken - again safe food
Small amount of roasted veg (wasn’t expecting her to eat it)
Boiled carrots & Brocolli

All served up on a plate which has 4 compartments so nothing is touching

She has screamed the house down, has thrown cutlery & food, both times given a firm warning, then when repeated carried out the warning of a time out. More screaming.

We don’t react when she says she doesn’t like it. We just say ok no worries, do you want to try something else on your plate. We never ever badger her to eat or offer alternatives and we only react when there is unacceptable behaviour, such as the throwing food for cutlery.

Any advice on how not to have dinner turn into this horrific tantrum. We have firm boundaries, always follow through, consistent with reminding them of what their manners are but tonight has just nearly driven me over the edge. I honestly wanted to go upstairs and just cry

What else is happening in her day? Has it been calm of has she been at nursery/ out busy and has just reached the point where she’s been overwhelmed by the day and is reacting because of this?

Try only putting the safe foods on her plate and put the other foods on dishes near but not with her dinner to reduce the demand on her

Although you’ve not mentioned any additional needs you could look at strategies for demand avoidance and autism as she clearly is feeling overwhelmed by something

Have you tried putting all the foods in separate bowls in the middle of the table and letting her chose what, and how much, to put on her plate?

We’ve had a busy ish day, dancing this morning then met some friends for soft play afterwards. She’s had an hours sleep and ate a lunch or sandwich, grapes & Pom bears. She loves breakfast and lunch but dinner is always a struggle.

No worrying signs of autism, meeting all of her goals and then some. Very good talker, knows her alphabet, lots of numbers (much more so than her twin sister - compared to her sister she is flying) with the one big exception of food.

@Happenchance

Have you tried putting all the foods in separate bowls in the middle of the table and letting her chose what, and how much, to put on her plate?

Might be a good call, thank you

I hear you, my 3 year old is exactly the same. She literally looked at the lasagne, chips and garlic bread tonight, said that's yucky and makes me sick and pushed it away. I said to dh, if there is one thing that makes me not want another kid it is the stress of tea time. Most times we say that's OK you don't have to eat it, like you do, and make her sit at table while we eat and she will gradually start eating something. I also distract with cartoons and feed her (which I know a lot of people will disagree with, but works for us, she is eating, she is tasting the food and developing her tastes. We can work on no cartoons when she is better at eating).
The good news is that my 5 Yr old dd was exactly the same, a nightmare at 3, and now is an absolute delight to feed. Eats everything put in front of her and finishes her plate of food. We also used cartoons for her and now we can't get her to stop talking at dinner time, so definitely did not destroy her for life. Like everything with kids, it is all a phase.
About the previous posters suggestion of autism. Drives me nuts, kids are kids, they do not behave like adults. Just because they throw tantrums and do not behave like adults does not mean they have autism. Only I'm an adult and have to behave, there are some days I could benefit from blowing off steam, by throwing my things too as I'm so tired and don't want to do stuff.

@Merriwicks

I hear you, my 3 year old is exactly the same. She literally looked at the lasagne, chips and garlic bread tonight, said that's yucky and makes me sick and pushed it away. I said to dh, if there is one thing that makes me not want another kid it is the stress of tea time. Most times we say that's OK you don't have to eat it, like you do, and make her sit at table while we eat and she will gradually start eating something. I also distract with cartoons and feed her (which I know a lot of people will disagree with, but works for us, she is eating, she is tasting the food and developing her tastes. We can work on no cartoons when she is better at eating). The good news is that my 5 Yr old dd was exactly the same, a nightmare at 3, and now is an absolute delight to feed. Eats everything put in front of her and finishes her plate of food. We also used cartoons for her and now we can't get her to stop talking at dinner time, so definitely did not destroy her for life. Like everything with kids, it is all a phase. About the previous posters suggestion of autism. Drives me nuts, kids are kids, they do not behave like adults. Just because they throw tantrums and do not behave like adults does not mean they have autism. Only I'm an adult and have to behave, there are some days I could benefit from blowing off steam, by throwing my things too as I'm so tired and don't want to do stuff.

Thank you so much this really did make me feel so much better. Generally she’s going through a very difficult stage but the food aspect of it is the most stressful.

I have also used and still use the tv to distract, it’s saved my sanity a few times 😂

Try giving one food at a time, rather than all at once.
Sometimes everything at once is overwhelming.
Change the plate/bowl as well.

And I did put mine in front of the TV at times. It’s surprising how much more they eat when they are distracted.

At that age my kids generally ate well at 2 out of 3 meals, and tea was the worst because they were tired. This too shall pass!

Having now got grown up children all I would say is feed her what she will eat she won’t starve and if she lives for a bit on spaghetti hoops then at least she’s not throwing it around.
Pick your battles offer more snacks things whilst this phase passes.

We had to start doing tea 30-45 mins earlier to about 4.30 because he was knackered and just wanted to dick about or tantrum. Once he was eating well and it became routine, we moved it back. It meant we never ate as a family but at least he was eating. I also let him choose what he wants for tea out of a few options like a menu. My son is on the spectrum tho

She sounds a bit like my DD in that she eats well at breakfast and lunch but not dinner. We've figured out that she just can't really eat if she's tired. She's particularly fussy on days when she's had a busy/overwhelming day . So we make sure she has a good breakfast, a hot lunch then do her a small dinner and make sure it is served up early enough, which for her is just around 5pm (she's 7yo now).

I think for some kids the whole being given food is a bit like someone talking at you rather than with you.
So I think the pp suggestion of putting her in the driving seat to load her own plate could make her feel empowered and change this reaction, might take a bit of time for her to trust the change and realise its power but worth a try for sure.

Doesn't mean you can't encourage her and put things in like if you want pudding you must eat at least xyz