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Trying to decide if we are selfish

4 replies

username477363 · 03/02/2022 22:09

I'm finding this hard to word but basically I'm trying to work out if me and DH are selfish.

It's started from a couple of falling out we have had with other family members. They haven't called us selfish but it has definitely been implied.

We currently have two young DC and honestly I am finding it hard to make time for people. DH works full time I work part time and we only have one day off a week together. So that one day I have been trying to keep it just the four of us and don't want to spend it visiting family members. So normally I see my family with the DC on one of my days off and same for DH.

The falling out with a member of my family is due to me not wanting to join the family get together at least every other week on the day that would be me and DH day off together. Apparently I am acting like it's only my immediate family who live with that matters. I don't mind occasionally but I just don't want to feel I have to go every other week.

On my DH side again we are constantly told we do not make time for anyone. Also we seemed to be called for a lot of little trivial things. For example we went to my in-laws house and they had some cake left from a party. FIL told us to finish it off as it would go to waste so we did. The next day I got a sarcastic text from SIL thanking us for leaving her some cake.

With it so often being said/implied I suppose there must be truth to it. I just really find it hard especially since having children life is so busy. I like alot of our family members I am not trying to actively avoid them. I just feel they don't understand our circumstances. For example, they still expect us to come around in the evenings even though we want to put the children to bed by 7.30/8.

Do we sound selfish? We definitely don't see alot of some family members anymore. with the exception of GP. If I'm honest now this hostility is making me want to avoid them.

OP posts:
changewwible · 03/02/2022 22:14

Nope. You sound like you have a very busy life and you have sensible boundaries.

Ignore the comments and carry on as you are. A big weekly extended family gathering would do my head in.

NuffSaidSam · 03/02/2022 22:17

I don't think you sound selfish.

It does sound like you've de-prioritised your extended family though. Which is fine, your family, your choice. But I would think about the long term implications of that for you and your children (I'm thinking lack of relationship with aunts/uncles/cousins etc).

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2022 22:19

If I'm honest now this hostility is making me want to avoid them

Totally fair enough.

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DogMum3107 · 03/02/2022 22:26

You are not selfish is the slightest! You are spending your spare time as a family, I think anyone would do the same.

In laws can be very bitter! Just try your best to rise above it lovely and know you are not doing anything wrong!

And as for the cake .... if my SIL said that to me I would have said sent her a picture of the cake and said 'here's what you could have had' Wink

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