Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does everyone in "big" jobs drink a lot?

51 replies

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 21:09

I don't suppose they do, but my little snapshot makes it seem like they do!

I work in a senior consultancy type position with secondary schools and know the heads quite well.

I was in a meeting with headteachers this afternoon and going round the table there was:

  • A woman who has told me she opens the red wine as soon as she gets home. Rarely makes a bottle last 2 days
  • A man whose hands shake and who comes to our meeting so he can knock off early and go to the pub on the way home. He tells us this.
  • A rugby fan proud of how drunk he gets every weekend (at the rugby) Looks like a drunk with a big bulbous nose, although obviously I don't known what, if anything, actually caused that.
  • A man who admits to having whisky in his desk drawer
  • A man who has a case brought against him for harassing a member of staff in a public place. His defense was that he could remember none of it due to his level of intoxication. (He actually resigned as a result and is now there as an advisor but was head at the time)
  • A man who spent several weeks in hospital after falling down the stairs drunk
  • Then just one other who avoids HT's social things because he doesn't like the drinking. The annual County HT's conference gets very messy!

So it's not everyone, but in that room there are several problem drinkers and probably two who drink on the job. All middle aged heads of secondary schools.

Are other high pressure jobs the same?

OP posts:
cookiemonster2468 · 04/02/2022 07:20

I don't think it's really a "big job" thing, I think many people across all of society use alcohol as a crutch. There are carers, cleaners and TA's who will drink just as much as you state after work.

People also like to brag about how much they drink, so I'd take some of it with a pinch of salt tbh.

QueenofLouisiana · 04/02/2022 07:23

After the last two years in schools, I'm surprised that there were enough headteachers left to actually have a meeting. I've been teaching a long time and never encountered a head with alcohol in their drawers.

However, since they are on duty sorting out covid absences from 6am until 10 pm and are often covering those same absences in school themselves, I wouldn't blame any of them for having a drink or two in the evening.

boireannach · 04/02/2022 07:29

Definitely a drinking culture at No.10 🍷🥂🍻🍺🥃🍸🍹🧉

dangerrabbit · 04/02/2022 07:34

I have a medium sized job and drink a medium amount as befits my status

Fetchthevet · 04/02/2022 07:38

I have a tiny little job and I drink like a fish.

Growbean · 04/02/2022 07:42

Corporate lawyer here and there was definitely a “work hard, play hard” culture when I started 20 years ago but it’s greatly reduced now- I think from a combination of harder economic times and more concern from firms about the harm such a culture can do.

Some of the people OP has described sound like straightforward alcoholics. I think they exist in all all areas of life.

GeneLovesJezebel · 04/02/2022 07:42

We had difficulty with a head teacher at work, she was being very unhelpful, and when I finally met her I was shocked at how ‘relaxed’ her clothing was.
Fast forward 6 months or so and she’d left her post due to a drink driving conviction.

truthfullylying · 04/02/2022 07:45

The UK has high rates of problem drinking, and it is considered normal to 'need' a drink after work, or to talk about 'wine o'clock' etc.

But no, not everyone who has a big job drinks.

Drinkers who have big jobs drink. Drinkers with any type of job or no job drink.

Original poster
CrinklyCraggy · 04/02/2022 07:47

FWIW headteachers in secondary have an awful lot of responsibility but, especially in academies, they earn very big salaries and have a large team around them. They're figurehead leaders, they're not doing the the "work" on the ground. As a rule, they're not working the excessive hours that primary heads are. Which is as it should be of course, but the group I was with yesterday spend a lot of time out of school "networking"

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 04/02/2022 07:48

I have a couple of glasses of wine every night. Partly habit, partly in response to stress. Big job.

However the comment about the chap with trembling hands concerned me. Both dh and dd suffer from a condition called essential tremor. Neither are drunks.

Whelmed · 04/02/2022 07:50

Neither me or DH have 'big' jobs but based on people around us who do it's either alcohol or cocaine that they use. Some are sober but sober ones tend to be minority. None seem to be problem users unless they hide it well but a few are never seen without a drink in their hand (or having just been in a pub/bar) regardless what time of day you see them!

truthfullylying · 04/02/2022 07:51

@CrinklyCraggy

FWIW headteachers in secondary have an awful lot of responsibility but, especially in academies, they earn very big salaries and have a large team around them. They're figurehead leaders, they're not doing the the "work" on the ground. As a rule, they're not working the excessive hours that primary heads are. Which is as it should be of course, but the group I was with yesterday spend a lot of time out of school "networking"
I really do not agree about them not working excessive hours - our head regularly replies to emails at 5am and is in school almost every evening. The head is overseeing a whole academy trust, no doubt is paid well but has enormous responsibility, far more than a single school primary head.
Igmum · 04/02/2022 07:53

I have a big job (that doesn't sound right) and rarely drink. When I do drink I have one or two and genuinely don't want any more. Ex is a violent drug addict alcoholic and veers between low-level clerical jobs and no job. To be fair, seeing his drinking at close quarters certainly affected my view of alcohol.

Thewiseoneincognito · 04/02/2022 08:05

I don’t drink at all but I have friends who do due to their professional responsibilities. I Really don’t see the appeal of it, especially when it only makes them feel worse but each to their own. I keep quiet and just privately judge 👀

BishyBarnyBee · 04/02/2022 08:08

I'm actually interested in what your role is and how professional it is to come on here and criticise the group you're working with in a way which may identify them or you. There can't be so many groups of heads working with a consultant yesterday afternoon that one of them wouldn't recognise this description if they came in here. Or even one of their staff who knows their head was out networking yesterday afternoon.

And at a guess...the ones who swan around around networking may be at the less hard-working end of a spectrum where most heads are working considerably harder than you describe.

Northernsoullover · 04/02/2022 08:12

My brother has a mahoosive job and doesn't drink. I have a teeny job and don't drink either.

godmum56 · 04/02/2022 08:32

Mt experience in the private sector and not education is that people in the really big jobs drink very little because if they do they don't stay in the really big jobs for long!

deeplyrooted · 04/02/2022 09:21

My very important husband doesn’t drink. He specifically selects heavy drinking managers for certain trips and conferences to do the night time bonding shit.

He’s extremely disciplined and compartmentalises his life - leaves work in work and doesn’t worry off the clock. I doubt myself and the dc exist for him in any meaningful sense during his working hours either.

He has never as much as raised his voice to me but he takes no shit at work. I secretly suspect he might be a robot.

zafferana · 04/02/2022 09:29

I think it's very common for people with high stress jobs to drink a lot and unfortunately drinking, even to excess, is socially acceptable in this country. You have to have a real problem with alcohol, which impacts on your ability to do your job, before anyone will have a problem with it. I know quite a few people in professional jobs, men and women, with drinking problems. Coke was also an issue when I worked in an investment bank in the 90s. Some people take out their stress by going on a long cycle ride or hitting the gym, others drink to excess.

Butterismylife · 04/02/2022 17:31

@KenAdams

Just here for the important husband comments. First few posts have not disappointed.
It’s special isn’t it? Grin So Important I must tell you all, more than just a big job, I married really well! Hubby is perfect and wealthy. Have I made a success of my life as a Woman? Please tell Me I have? I have a vague sense of unease about the meaning of my life so I hold onto the fact that our mortgage will be fully paid by age 24 or we inherited 6 properties from DH’s affluent parent. Phew!
willweevergetthere · 04/02/2022 17:39

In our circle my DH is one of the odd ones out as he doesn't drink like a fish.

We drink just not with regularity. Everyone else is drinking at lunches, after work, after sport.

We are a nation of drinkers

Tulipsinmyvase · 04/02/2022 18:14

I have what I think many would say is a big job
I don’t drink weekdays - I couldn’t cope being hungover and I also drive so it’s out of the question
1 or 2 weekends a month I’ll have a couple of drinks/wine if we have friends over or we are out

Elasmotherium · 04/02/2022 18:51

No, I don't really drink, although I will have the odd glass here and there.

But pretty much all my colleagues drink quite heavily and there's an expectation that meetings will be followed by dinner that includes a lot of drinking. G&T in the bar, followed by expensive wines with each course of dinner plus multiple nightcaps post dinner.

I'm definitely an oddity in that I drink water or order soft drinks and maybe have a glass of wine with my main course.

thewomanacrossthestreet · 04/02/2022 18:59

@deeplyrooted

My very important husband doesn’t drink. He specifically selects heavy drinking managers for certain trips and conferences to do the night time bonding shit.

He’s extremely disciplined and compartmentalises his life - leaves work in work and doesn’t worry off the clock. I doubt myself and the dc exist for him in any meaningful sense during his working hours either.

He has never as much as raised his voice to me but he takes no shit at work. I secretly suspect he might be a robot.

😂😂
JanetandJohn500 · 04/02/2022 19:47

Honestly, if you work as an advisor and haven't flagged a concern about a HT with alcohol in their desk drawer, I'm concerned. I work as an LA advisor and if a HT told me that I would be addressing it pretty quickly. It's not on and hasn't been acceptable since some time in the early 2000's.... if it ever was!

Swipe left for the next trending thread