Sorry, that title sounds ridiculous. At Christmas my ex partner passed away. We have 2 young children with autism. Prior to his passing I was completing a masters in college and had a weekend job. He looked after the children while I did all this. He was unemployed so we agreed he could do this instead of paying maintenance.
Since he died I have had to leave my job due to lack of childcare...i did 13 hour shifts. I may just about scrape through my masters although they (lecturers) are speaking about me possibly having to defer due to missing so much time over the last 3 weeks. I was let down by the new childminder and then my oldest got Covid so all dcs are isolating and I'm off with them.
I just feel like I've gone from having everything I wanted to losing it all overnight. I don't know if i will realistically be able to work in my chosen career which I'm studying for due to childcare issues so it seems like the last couple of years have just been wasted time, money and stress for nothing.
I'm still grieving, I know that. But I'm also massively sad about losing the future I had planned. I know this sounds incredibly selfish given the circumstances but I can't help it. I need to come to terms with the fact that this is how things are now but I'm struggling.