Guest over-staying

Cluckingtell · 2022-02-03T15:05:03+00:00

I just need a moan. Agreed guest could come Friday to Sunday, then her plans fell through and she extended to Friday with promises she’d go out loads by herself because she recognises I’m really busy, she didn’t, got her flights mixed up now it’s Saturday. Im going stir crazy - I would not have agreed to over a week of anyone staying especially at the moment. I feel awful about it - I’m literally avoiding her in my own house. Am I the only one who can’t take guests for longer than 3 days, every little thing she is doing is winding me up, I know I’m being petty.

itwasntaparty · 03/02/2022 15:06

You're not being petty she's being a PITA.

Original poster

Cluckingtell · 03/02/2022 15:10

She’s normally quite independent. Yesterday after I took her out for a few hours, got back had to do some work - went into another room - she interrupted me 5 times in 30mins, offering me wine etc - just kept saying I don’t need anything I just need to work. I actually just need my house back.

OP posts:

Wildrobin · 03/02/2022 15:13

That is hard. Would it help if you can communicate that you’ve got so much work you are finding it hard she’s stayed longer than meant and please could she ... (add any suggestion that would help like be out between X times or even move out by X and you are happy to help her find somewhere to stay . You can add that it was lovely having her but that you just aren’t able to then resume what you need to do?

thewomanacrossthestreet · 03/02/2022 15:14

Why can't she book a hotel?

FrugalFrancine · 03/02/2022 15:14

Yikes! She clearly doesn't read social cues well or worse, doesn't care that she's making you uncomfortable. I know someone like this. In her case, it's the latter I think- she simply doesn't fare if she makes me uncomfortable in my own home. She asks to come and stay now and I say no. She's awful in other ways too, so I really don't want her to come and stay, but she still asks. Who does that?!

Anyway, your feelings are completely normal and she does sound like a PITA

Original poster

Cluckingtell · 03/02/2022 15:24

She’s not in a good place at the moment and I think she needs my support and I feel bad because I can’t give anymore. We are moving house next week, starting a new person at work, running a recruitment campaign - stuff I need to get on top of. Example of pettiness - I wondered why we had no clean mugs - she drinks tea constantly and uses a new mug every single time - see I’m petty, she put my very expensive knife in the dishwasher- it’s ruined. 😬 She speaks really loudly, laughs at everything. Put her dirty luggage on cooking surfaces and when I asked her not to said that’s what antibacterial spray is for. I need to run away!

OP posts:

Newestname002 · 03/02/2022 15:33

@Cluckingtell

She’s not in a good place at the moment and I think she needs my support and I feel bad because I can’t give anymore. We are moving house next week, starting a new person at work, running a recruitment campaign - stuff I need to get on top of. Example of pettiness - I wondered why we had no clean mugs - she drinks tea constantly and uses a new mug every single time - see I’m petty, she put my very expensive knife in the dishwasher- it’s ruined. 😬 She speaks really loudly, laughs at everything. Put her dirty luggage on cooking surfaces and when I asked her not to said that’s what antibacterial spray is for. I need to run away!

I need to run away!

Actually you need to tell her of all the commitments she's now getting in the way of and that she needs to move out to a B&B or AirBnB she's that you can get on. Be direct as you need to because being subtle doesn't seem to work for her.

Also as a guest in your home she should be making things easy for you, not interrupting your work, destroying your possessions or acting like a clueless teenager, eg using up all the mugs instead of washing them or at least putting them in the dishwasher.

Time to be blunt OP. 🌹

Hairyfriend · 03/02/2022 15:39

Why cant she get a hotel at the airport- if I've read it correctly, she is flying somewhere soon?

Time to be blunt, because she clearly is oblivious to social norms! How rude not to wash her mug and re-use it! Set down the rules, or given an ultimatum. Sarah, I've work to do, you need to leave tomorrow, here is the number for XYZ hotel.

Somethingsnappy · 03/02/2022 16:39

How long is she planning to be in the area, AKA at your house?

ApolloandDaphne · 03/02/2022 16:50

That sounds very stressful. Does she have enough money for a hotel?

Original poster

Cluckingtell · 03/02/2022 17:49

She has the money but she's family, I couldn't ask her to leave - it would just be too horrible. I just never would have agreed to a week - it's just too long, she's leaving on Saturday morning - I really don't want to fall out with her. I'm feeling a bit better now (still hiding in dh's office with the door shut) - it helped to talk to you guys and my kids phoned from Uni and they made me laugh.

OP posts:

FrugalFrancine · 03/02/2022 18:19

Younger sister?

Only asking as this is the same with the situation I mentioned in my initial post! My younger sister. Mine isn't just a bit rude / lacking in social skills though; she is also horrible. So it's a lot easier for me to tell her no!

whirlycarly · 03/02/2022 18:24

I love seeing people but 2 or 3 nights is absolutely enough.

We genuinely started doing Airbnb to sort people constantly asking to stay in our annexe. Made a load of money and didn't have to interact beyond a hello and goodbye

Original poster

Cluckingtell · 03/02/2022 18:34

Older sister - and a bit lost at the moment, considering divorce under traumatic circumstances - a breach of trust. I know she needs support and she is being very needy, I have never seen her like this before but she also has an explosive temper when pushed, very confrontational - there's history, there always is. Small doses, 2-3 days are fine - this - 8 days it's just too much, I have refused in the past but this time I feel a bit ambushed due to her mental health and the state of her marriage but it's like living with a volcano, I never know when she's going to lose it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cluckingtell · 03/02/2022 18:39

And she's knows how I feel about having people stay for longer than 2-3 days that's why she said she'd do loads of things herself and said she felt bad about staying with me longer than she had planned or I had agreed to. I know she's put her needs above mine, I don't think she understands or respects my need for space - she has people come stay with her for months on end and thinks that's ok - that would drive me mad.

OP posts:

FrugalFrancine · 03/02/2022 19:02

Has she hit you with "I know you don't like having people in your space for too long, but I don't count as 'people' because we're sisters" yet?

It's a difficult one for sure and it took a long time and for me to recognise that she was actually pretty nasty in other ways before I stopped letting her come to stay. She still took about a year to accept that and spread it about that I was mentally ill because I didn't want to see her. Anyway, I'll stop going on, but I sympathise completely!

Original poster

Cluckingtell · 03/02/2022 21:43

@FrugalFrancine

Has she hit you with "I know you don't like having people in your space for too long, but I don't count as 'people' because we're sisters" yet?

It's a difficult one for sure and it took a long time and for me to recognise that she was actually pretty nasty in other ways before I stopped letting her come to stay. She still took about a year to accept that and spread it about that I was mentally ill because I didn't want to see her. Anyway, I'll stop going on, but I sympathise completely!

I think that’s how she sees things - she’s family do it doesn’t count. Still I have dh home now, he’s a skilled player and diffusing the situation. Roll on Saturday - I’m meant to be going out with friends but I just want to rock in a quiet room alone!

OP posts:

anonacfr · 28/12/2022 13:00

If she's your sister surely you can tell her to wash mugs!
That alone would drive me crazy...

MrsElm · 28/12/2022 13:04

anonacfr · 28/12/2022 13:00

If she's your sister surely you can tell her to wash mugs!
That alone would drive me crazy...

@anonacfr I really hope she's not still there, this was 10 months ago!

anonacfr · 28/12/2022 13:10

MrsElm · 28/12/2022 13:04

@anonacfr I really hope she's not still there, this was 10 months ago!

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😂😂😂 I noticed the date right after I posted!
It randomly popped up on my active thread thingy.