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DH works weekends (half the year) WWYD

15 replies

Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 07:21

My DH has always worked weekends for six months (April to September inclusive) at his current job. Before it wasn't much of an issue because his ex was a SAHM, and when we got together we didn't think much of it, although we never saw it as ideal. COVID came, he made some noise about working weekends being disruptive for family life, but not much was done. Last year he even made more noise but they really didn't resolve it. As it is, for half the year we actually have no overlapping time off. It also means he doesn't get to see his older DC beyond a couple of hours two evenings a week. I also end up doing most of the childcare and I work longish hours and definitely want a break in the weekends. We're at a financial position that he can give them an ultimatum, but knowing my DH I doubt he'll apply too much pressure. WWYD? Make a fuss with him? Pressure him to definitely give an ultimatum? Suck it up? I'm dreading the April, but I also know he'll probably be unhappy in any other job. He's very skilled but has no certifications and I know he feels old and thinks maybe he'll end up in retail again.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/02/2022 07:40

Can't you both just use some annual leave in those months?

Presumably he's not working 7 days a week - you're just working Monday-Friday?

Rainbowqueeen · 02/02/2022 07:43

Can he put in for a flexible working arrangement ? They have to consider it and he definitely has good grounds.

I would do that rather than an ultimatum. Then if they turn it down you can come up with Plan. B

Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 07:45

We both have a very small amount of annual leave (21 days) and he has use 10 of those days around Christmas as his workplace closes for those dates.

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Iloveacurry · 02/02/2022 07:47

What did he do after he split with his Ex and before he got together with you? He must of had to make arrangements then for his kids.

toomuchlaundry · 02/02/2022 07:49

Is he the only person who works every weekend in those months?

Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 07:49

His ex and his boss had a chat (they had known each other for years and years) and basically his boss told his ex they had to suck it up. That was a long time ago though, and even for his ex is unacceptable these days.

OP posts:
Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 07:50

Yes, he's the only person but is part of his contract, he was originally hired as a "helper" but does much more these days.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 02/02/2022 07:54

Ok after your updates I’d get DH to explore other options. It sounds like he needs to find a new job. So he needs to think of this as an opportunity.

If he has no qualifications could he look at what he would like to do and consider retraining. It might be worth a visit to a recruitment agent too.
Good luck

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/02/2022 07:54

In those circumstances I would be encouraging to look for another job. It's not right for your work to encroach on your home life so much.

My DH had this with night shifts. We would literally meet up in a lay-by (me on my way home and him in his way to work) to swap the kids over. He was grumpy all the time because he was so tired.

Eventually it got too much and he changed jobs. Things were better immediately.

Stormtropper5000 · 02/02/2022 07:55

Why doesn't he change his contact days with his older DC for when he has days off?Why doesn't he do childcare (ie school run etc) on his days off.

DH and I have always worked shifts and weekends. Our arrangement is that whoever is off that day is in charge of the kids and house. So DH is off work today, he's got the kids up and ready today and doing the school run. He's doing the food shop, does any housework and will make dinner tomorrow. Its a bit harder days we're both working. But we share the jobs.

From reading your OP, if everything is falling to you then it makes he think he's not picking up the slack on his days off. Before you start on at him to change days, start on at him about changing his ways when he is home.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 02/02/2022 07:58

If he does end up back in retail then there's a chance he'll have to work at least one day over the weekend anyway.
How old are your children? Do they feel like they're missing out by him working the whole weekend?

HollowTalk · 02/02/2022 07:59

Which days does he have off?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/02/2022 08:09

This sounds like it what his life has been like for years - possibly even to the detriment of his previous marriage. The time to think about whether this is right for you OP is before you started a family with him.

He hasn't changed his work for his previous wife, for his older children, it's naive to think he would do anything about it now.

Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 08:15

Our DC go from 2-16yo. He can take off any two days between Tuesday and Wednesday. His contact days have been changed to those two ( and why he only sees his older children a few hours a week).

OP posts:
Onlyrainbows · 02/02/2022 08:57

He only had this job for the last 1-2 years of their marriage and AFAIK it either worked for them (their youngest was in nursery) or they saw it as party of the status quo. His boss was married to my now SIL for 20 or so years that's how they all know each other

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