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Today 10:37Darsky40
Hi, I'm at my wits end. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He has 3 children from a previous marriage and I have one. We now have a daughter between us who is 11.
My 18 year old daughter also live with us and my step son 15 moved in about 2 years ago. My husband has no contact with his bio daughters.
My stepson decided he wanted to move in with us after his mother went to Australia for 2 months leaving him with his older sister who has aspergergers, they constantly argued. He barely attended school and his situation at his mother's was not a healthy one.
He has now been with us for 2 years. His attendance is 100% at school. He's achieving well and is expected to get good grades. He has a group of friends and a girlfriend. He wants to be involved in sport and we have managed to get him on a basketball team. He goes every Saturday. So things are going great for him.
Here's my issue. He told his bio mother that we are to strict. We apparently don't allow him all the privileges he wants. All we did was stopping him seeing the girlfriend after school on Monday night as he was falling asleep at school.
He spends time with her almost every weekend. He lied about going to dinner with her, her mother and his bio mother, because apparently we would have had a problem with it? It wasn't a school night? Only natural for mum to meet girlfriend.
Now he's been invited to go to his mothers ( 2 hours away) with girlfriend for 4 days both of them 15. His exams are 3 days after this planned visit.
His mother let his older sister sleep together at the same age. Apparently its not my problem?
My husband and I are arguing alot about the step son. To me he is doing everything he wants and we are just providers without even being consulted. He has no set boundaries or limitations. He thinks he should have all this freedom?
My girls don't have clubs, boyfriends or demand us to do anything (they do have the option). I feel that all we do is run the boy around while the rest of us sit at home.
Growing up I was not allowed to do much and was a carer for the age of 12. My husbands upbringing was very different and he was always out.
Last night parents evening we were told that he doesn't hand homework in or if he does it's late. The teacher said it normal for teenagers to do this. So that's not a problem in my husbands eyes and he's perfect and enjoying himself. His grades are still good? So we shouldn't stop him doing anything?
My daughter didn't complete her homework and my husband barely batted his eyes and has let me deal with it.
I don't really know what to expect but I feel like I'm being used by the husband and step son to get him what he wants and I'm supposed to just allow it to continue.
The boy doesn't even know how to blow his nose! He can't eat properly he doesn’t ask, he tells us his plans. He is improving but it all to his advantage. My husband just want to let him do exactly as he wants. He has never been this involved with the girls.
We only get half the story for the boy it's often very wishy-washy and I'm constantly asked to change, lower expectations and that everything is fine.
Am I just losing my mind here? I'm also in the process of being diagnosed with MS and I know it can affect you mood. Surely this isn't just in my head. I can't cope with the arguments and I don't want to keep providing the step son with everything he wants.
Please help im going insane 🙏
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Darsky40
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Subject:
Step parenting causing arguments
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Hi, I'm at my wits end. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He has 3 children from a previous marriage and I have one. We now have a daughter between us who is 11.
My 18 year old daughter also live with us and my step son 15 moved in about 2 years ago. My husband has no contact with his bio daughters.
My stepson decided he wanted to move in with us after his mother went to Australia for 2 months leaving him with his older sister who has aspergergers, they constantly argued. He barely attended school and his situation at his mother's was not a healthy one.
He has now been with us for 2 years. His attendance is 100% at school. He's achieving well and is expected to get good grades. He has a group of friends and a girlfriend. He wants to be involved in sport and we have managed to get him on a basketball team. He goes every Saturday. So things are going great for him.
Here's my issue. He told his bio mother that we are to strict. We apparently don't allow him all the privileges he wants. All we did was stopping him seeing the girlfriend after school on Monday night as he was falling asleep at school.
He spends time with her almost every weekend. He lied about going to dinner with her, her mother and his bio mother, because apparently we would have had a problem with it? It wasn't a school night? Only natural for mum to meet girlfriend.
Now he's been invited to go to his mothers ( 2 hours away) with girlfriend for 4 days both of them 15. His exams are 3 days after this planned visit.
His mother let his older sister sleep together at the same age. Apparently its not my problem?
My husband and I are arguing alot about the step son. To me he is doing everything he wants and we are just providers without even being consulted. He has no set boundaries or limitations. He thinks he should have all this freedom?
My girls don't have clubs, boyfriends or demand us to do anything (they do have the option). I feel that all we do is run the boy around while the rest of us sit at home.
Growing up I was not allowed to do much and was a carer for the age of 12. My husbands upbringing was very different and he was always out.
Last night parents evening we were told that he doesn't hand homework in or if he does it's late. The teacher said it normal for teenagers to do this. So that's not a problem in my husbands eyes and he's perfect and enjoying himself. His grades are still good? So we shouldn't stop him doing anything?
My daughter didn't complete her homework and my husband barely batted his eyes and has let me deal with it.
I don't really know what to expect but I feel like I'm being used by the husband and step son to get him what he wants and I'm supposed to just allow it to continue.
The boy doesn't even know how to blow his nose! He can't eat properly he doesn’t ask, he tells us his plans. He is improving but it all to his advantage. My husband just want to let him do exactly as he wants. He has never been this involved with the girls.
We only get half the story for the boy it's often very wishy-washy and I'm constantly asked to change, lower expectations and that everything is fine.
Am I just losing my mind here? I'm also in the process of being diagnosed with MS and I know it can affect you mood. Surely this isn't just in my head. I can't cope with the arguments and I don't want to keep providing the step son with everything he wants.
Please help im going insane 🙏