Ds has become best friends with the class bully

[Sparklydiplodocus]

And I’m not sure how to handle it.

He moved schools and while everyone in his class was friendly, he didn’t feel like he had a true friend until he bonded with the friend- let’s call him Ed- over a shared love of football.

He even felt comfortable enough to confide in Ed about his speech impediment which was a huge huge step for him as he was previously horribly anxious about it.

I’d heard from a few mums that Ed was a bit of a bully but hadn’t seen evidence of it until ds told me that Ed had thrown away in the bin a design for a project that a girl in his group had made, and got hauled to the headteacher.

He also apparently bullied a boy with autism to the point that teachers were in tears over it.

And then last week at break Ed pushed my son hard in the chest and kept saying things to him like ‘trying to come last at something’ and kept calling him a loser.

Ds was absolutely crushed by this and cried for two days straight. He held his own though and stood up for himself, and had a text conversation with Ed saying why was he so mean and that he was supposed to be a friend, and that he wouldn’t stand for that. Ed kept saying sorry.

I’m worried though. In some ways Ed has been good for ds and in others negative. I don’t know how to handle it. Any advice?

Sorry I mistyped, what Ed said was ‘try not to come last at something for once’.

How old are they?

10/11

I think your son handled it very well. At that age I don't think you can tell him not to hang around him but hope that he chooses to stay away from people that treat him badly. I dread to think what Ed's home life is to behave the way he does

I agree with @inmyslippers, you can't really intervene in his friendships at this age, you can only support him to manage those friendships in a healthy way, which it sounds like he is doing admirably. It is nail-biting when your child chooses a powerful personality as a friend and you don't want to see them swamped, and even harder when a friend is unkind and you have to see your child going back for more. I would do lots of chats about developing personal boundaries and what he will and won't put up with, and talk about how he will handle future unpleasant incidents. I'd encourage him to see others, outside school if you can, so he keeps his options open and doesn't get too sucked into Ed's orbit.

He does need to keep his options open, depending on ability they are likely to be spilt for high school in a few months.

Encourage other friends, what do the others get up to?