Be honest - would you be surprised if your partner had an affair after x years of no intimacy

[HonestlyPromisely]

X being 4 years.

Refusal to discuss lack of sex, won’t go to GP, no longer desires sex, no intimacy at all.

Would you really be surprised? Not hurt, but surprised?

No not surprised it’s not getting your leg over it’s the intimacy/lack of communication that would be a no no and I honestly wouldn’t put up with it myself beyond a year unless a illness or disability so I wouldn’t expect a partner too either . I would call a day way before 4 years .

It's a betrayal to refuse to talk about it - such a big betrayal that I'd consider the relationship to have been pretty much over. An affair is the final straw, not an okay thing to do but not as egregious as the complete failure to communicate.

No. He'd have nothing to lose by telling me he was going elsewhere, and a lot of motivation to confront me with his frustration, so he'd tell me before it happened.

In my experience, cheats usually have an active sex life with their partner but bullshit the other woman/man they haven't. People in sexless relationships don't usually need to keep their behaviour a secret in the same way.

If your husband doesn't want sex and you do, the answer is to get a divorce. Having an affair is still cheating.

@LetHimHaveIt

I presume OP means that if A is the person withholding sex, he/she shouldn't be surprised if B has an affair.

If this is what you mean, then no, not surprising.