I'm reaching out to try and find some help but I'm not sure where to start. I've tried to talk to those closest to me but failed. I try to have the highest standards in everything I do. I work hard, I dress well, I have good manners, I take an interest in people and ask questions but it is all a show. Underneath I'm falling apart.
I have a pretty awful relationship with DH. He is father and I've never had a great relationship with his children. They are not children but are very immature young adults. If I go into the nitty gritty of the problems I'm pretty sure someone will tell me they're minor issues, or that I'm the one with the problem but all added together over 10 years I'm pretty traumatised. I have been bullied by them and their father. He works away all week and often weekends. He could be having an affair and I don't actually care.
I work in a very solitary job for a boss who's not interested in me as a person. I do a good job for him and that's all he wants - fair enough - but I see very few people and have no work colleagues.
I don't have a lot of friends but I've asked one I consider the closest and she has just cast aside my concerns and carried on talking about her own. I listen to her a lot and tried to go NC at Christmas which ended in disaster. She has a new boyfriend and very little else matters.
I tried to talk to my mum. I don't have my own children but my sister does and these children are her life. She barely knows me as she's taken zero interest in my life since my nephews came along.
I sound pretty sorry for myself and I am. I am considering the worst scenario. Depending on DH's work schedule it could be almost two weeks before I'm missed.
Packing my bags and going won't leave me in a better position as I'm alone most of the time anyway.