First job in almost a decade. Any tips from working parents?

[glassesblob]

I'm starting a new job next week, full-time hours Monday-Friday. For context, I haven't worked full time since before dd was born almost 10 years ago. I didn't return to work as childcare fees were the same amount as my monthly wage and no flexibility from employer. Since then I returned to education, got a degree and have been freelancing part time over the past couple of years, working from home.

Luckily my new job has a very short commute. Dd will be in after-school club all week. DH works long hours in a stressful job, and is also working evenings and weekends on his business which will (all being well) allow him to slowly step away from his main job over the next year or so. But until that point, it's going to be a bit manic!

So how do I stop my house from going to shit? At the moment I do dd's packed lunch in the morning, we get dressed and I drop her off at school. Clean/tidy up then get a few hours of work in and run any errands before the school run.

I don't want to spend my weekends running errands and cleaning! Any tips on how to manage everything would be appreciated

Also I can't justify a cleaner before anyone suggests it

Online food shop
Make daughter's lunch the night before
One load of washing a day
Easy meals for dinner during the week
Use a slow cooker
Hoover once a week
Clean bathroom one a week
Clean kitchen once a week

Have a set time at the start of the week to sit down with your 'home' diary and your work one, and check what you need to do and when that week, and also major events in the next couple of weeks. I had an office job, and used to do that as the first task every Monday morning (improved reliability and productivity, as it dealt with work priorities too, so I thought it a fair use of work time)

Make sure you have a shared 'home' diary and that everyone uses it - I used to keep the 'master' diary, IYSWIM, but that was because DH was frequently away with work, so that's the way it worked for us. But remember that it doesn't have to be you!

Deal with all school messages immediately, and put in diary, ditto clubs etc. If school issues a termly calendar, at the start of every term our everything in to the master diary, plus check weekly for changes, additions and updates.

Plan what's happening at the next half term/holidays as soon as they go back from one.

If you get that cracked, you'll know what needs to be done and when, in terms of appointments and tasks, and you'll also see when they need to be done. It makes it much easier to fit things in if you know what is coming up and when.

Say 'no' to all things PTA related (or similar volunteering) for the first year, until you have got some sort of system cracked.

Even if it's hard to fit in at first, prioritise time to get out and exercise - if you don't do that already, start something, even if it's only a half hour walk 3x a week. Because it's immeasurably good for both body and soul.

@AuntieStella

Have a set time at the start of the week to sit down with your 'home' diary and your work one, and check what you need to do and when that week, and also major events in the next couple of weeks. I had an office job, and used to do that as the first task every Monday morning (improved reliability and productivity, as it dealt with work priorities too, so I thought it a fair use of work time)

Make sure you have a shared 'home' diary and that everyone uses it - I used to keep the 'master' diary, IYSWIM, but that was because DH was frequently away with work, so that's the way it worked for us. But remember that it doesn't have to be you!

Deal with all school messages immediately, and put in diary, ditto clubs etc. If school issues a termly calendar, at the start of every term our everything in to the master diary, plus check weekly for changes, additions and updates.

Plan what's happening at the next half term/holidays as soon as they go back from one.

If you get that cracked, you'll know what needs to be done and when, in terms of appointments and tasks, and you'll also see when they need to be done. It makes it much easier to fit things in if you know what is coming up and when.

Say 'no' to all things PTA related (or similar volunteering) for the first year, until you have got some sort of system cracked.

Even if it's hard to fit in at first, prioritise time to get out and exercise - if you don't do that already, start something, even if it's only a half hour walk 3x a week. Because it's immeasurably good for both body and soul.

This is brilliant, thank you so much. Exactly the sort of advice I was looking for. Off to browse diaries now

School lunches for dd. Online supermarket delivery set up for Friday evening delivery. Everything humanly possible set up on direct debit or delivery. Bulk buy of cards. Not doing anything that isn't absolutely necessary (no volunteering etc). If dd's school operate on cash, have a box with envelopes, pens and lots of change so you can fill out things and put it back in her bag immediately. Take a photo on your phone of anything you will need to know about on a particular day and then attach that to a calendar meeting.
Set up clothes for the week on hangers to start with so you don't think about putting things together and know you have enough tights/socks. Put a wash on at night using the timer so it is finished when you get up and hang anything that will hang on a hanger - then it can hook on the dryer and won't need any/as much ironing. Use your lunch break to go for a walk and do anything like the post office while you are out
Your DH will still have to do a little housework though! He can wipe the side when waiting for the kettle, wipe the bathroom after a shower and so on.

@CMOTDibbler

School lunches for dd. Online supermarket delivery set up for Friday evening delivery. Everything humanly possible set up on direct debit or delivery. Bulk buy of cards. Not doing anything that isn't absolutely necessary (no volunteering etc). If dd's school operate on cash, have a box with envelopes, pens and lots of change so you can fill out things and put it back in her bag immediately. Take a photo on your phone of anything you will need to know about on a particular day and then attach that to a calendar meeting. Set up clothes for the week on hangers to start with so you don't think about putting things together and know you have enough tights/socks. Put a wash on at night using the timer so it is finished when you get up and hang anything that will hang on a hanger - then it can hook on the dryer and won't need any/as much ironing. Use your lunch break to go for a walk and do anything like the post office while you are out Your DH will still have to do a little housework though! He can wipe the side when waiting for the kettle, wipe the bathroom after a shower and so on.

Brilliant thank you! I wish dd would go on school lunches (I hate making pack ups!) but she's so fussy with food so not possible. The stuff she eats can be prepared the night before though so I can start doing that.

Good tip with hanging clothes on hangers on the dryer!

School lunches - there'll be something she can eat surely?

Cook ahead at weekends. I cook three meals on a Sunday for use during the week. Freezer food one night. Something really quick one night eg fresh pasta and sauce

Look in the book bag as soon as you're home and deal with forms / write stuff in calendar straight away

Have enough uniform to get through the week without putting a wash on.

Get a vacuum hoover

I know you said you can't justify it but get a cleaner. Why can't you justify it? You only need a couple of hours a week or even every other week just to do the random cleaning the blinds / skirting / inside windows shit.

When I change the beds it all goes to the launderette to be washed, dried and ironed. Ditto towels.

I think it's the cleaning and the washing that gets tricky in this situation, but on the other hand, no one being at home should reduce cleaning at least somewhat.

Washing on in morning on timer to be complete when you're home - hang up while DC are doing homework/bathing etc. If you have too much washing, do a load overnight and one by day.

Buy extra underwear, socks, pjs etc so that if you get behind, it's not a train smash.

Assume at least one child is 10 or so? He/she unloads dishwasher at breakfast/after school.

Robot vacuum has been a game changer here - quick whiz round in morning to make sure the floor is clear, turn it on and go. Do a different floor the next day.

Meal planning is boring and tedious but helpful, especially with shopping. Or, if you can't face weekly meal planning, spend a few hours one day working out what foods are easily kept in the freezer/cupboard etc os that you've got a range of meals you can prepare without having to do additional shopping.

Make friends with other parents so that you can share the load. We have two other families who regularly fetch one or both DC and vice versa (one family and us actually are all down to collect all four children so the school doesn't even need to be informed if I turn up to collect the other family's child. This has happened even when I'm not actually collecting my own child etc). Similarly for activities - DS goes to one activity with a friend and we take turns to drive them while DD has a weekly playdate with her buddy at alternating houses.

Thanks everyone!

Dd is 8 but I was quite poorly throughout my pregnancy so started my maternity leave very early, hence the almost 10 years not working. She's quite helpful and happy to do jobs around the house if I ask her, but sometimes it's more of a hindrance as she needs a lot of guidance. I know this will get better as she gets older though.

And honestly School dinners are 100% a no-go. She doesn't eat meat, potatoes, cheese, sandwiches. The list goes on. Annoyingly packed lunches would be much easier if she was allowed the things she will eat (hummus, pesto pasta, peanut butter) but they are a nut free School so none of them are allowed! She's going to struggle at after school club as they are fed a hot meal or sandwich and she won't eat any of the choices. But there's not much I can do about that. I'm hoping it might encourage her to try the foods she doesn't like again.

These tips are all very useful. It's going to be a slog to get in to a routine but hopefully we can manage it. I have ordered a diary!

Use an electronic diary that you can share with your DH, we use the iphone one.

Accept that certain things are going to drop in standard. We eat much more repetitive, low effort meals than we did when I was a SAHM, for example. Laundry is now all tumble dried rather than hung up. Cleaning and tidying is less frequent (we do have a cleaner though, I hugely recommend if you can). So be it.

My exercise has gone out of the window so I would agree try to prioritise that.

If your DD has no SN then I would expect her to eat school food. And I say that as an ex very fussy eater.

Get DD to prepare her own PE kit, reading book etc needed for school the next day - make a timetable and stick it to the wall so she can check what’s needed.

Are you happy to keep doing all the tasks and mental load you’ve been doing as a SAHM, or will you want DH to take some over? That bit I can’t help you with as I’m still struggling to get DH to take on any of the mental load

As a FT working parent I'd say:

Lower your standards- the house won't be perfect and that has to be ok

Don't iron anything ever again. Flap and hang from the dryer, it's good enough.

Online grocery delivery is essential.

Train the rest of the family to do some of the shit you've been doing for them (incl DH! Even if he does have a stressful job and business, you're going to be stressed and overloaded too)

• someone else can put on a load of laundry or put away dry things from the surer etc.
• I never clean a bathroom alone, always have a DC helping (at first they get in the way while they learn, it's worth investing the time), they can do everything but the loo as far as I'm concerned. They can also hoover while I get on with something else. Everyone has to contribute.
• DC may be capable of putting own lunchbox together the night before, may even enjoy it (and lower your standards on the quality of the lunchboxes too!) - leftovers in a thermos are ideal.

Find a time to do chores and stick to it. Some prefer to do a little every day. I prefer to get it all done over a few hours on Saturday. Whatever works around family life

Also, you have to accept that you are losing a lot of your daily hours. So some things just aren't going to happen AND/OR, your Dh is ALSO going to have to step up. It sounds like you're fine with him focusing on work, and if that works for the two of you, great. But it does mean that he should also understand that things might not run the way they did before.

Cleaner essential. If your dh is working this hard you can afford it. £35 pw here for 2.5H. Even in London it'd be the best £50 pw you spent.

Otherwise weekend cleaning between you and dh is your future.

Lunches. I have one on pack lunches. I make it the night before. Can you experiment with sausage rolls, pre cooked chicken, scotch eggs. Cheese chunks. The dc have "bento boxes" from systema which are partitioned with a little pot additional.

they get sandwich plus some of:
I buy mini banana that fit in , squeezy yoghurt, soreen bar, choc chip brioche, sausage rolls, mini chicken bites, peperami, orange orgrape fruit slices, melon slices, grapes, apples, mini cucumber (from Lidl), mini peppers, cherry tomatoes, cheese slices/dippers/ strings, dried fruit.

All of this can be packed the previous night.