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Original poster

advice on dealing with family and a relatives estate

24 replies

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 03:50

my mother passed away last year due to a long term illness she had adult children and the year before my father passed away as well the other children didnt help although they knew the situation i was left to get on with it. when my father passed away the other siblings paid no notice didnt go to cremation but when mother passed away one got in touch with me two days after her death wanting her estate sorted out in other words he wanted his interhitance just over a week later same sibling night before mothers cremation said i messed up with dealing wtih dads estate and was going to have me removed as exector of our mothers estate as i didnt get confirmation certitificate i said this wasnt needed as mum and dads bank account and house were in joint names so when dad passed away everthing went to mum all i had to do was notify people like pension and bank he had passed away.

i recently seen lawyer whose been helping me with the estate i told lawyer that from now on i wanted everything done through him when dealing with siblings as there had been friction and accusation and i was dealing with enough. gave lawyer photos and jewellery siblings had requested said that each sibling was to get an equal share of our mothers estate which was a few thousand each and my mother had made it clear i was to get house as i had been the only one who had been there for parents before they passed away.

Now this sibling has got in touch with lawyer claiming that ive put pressure on our parents to leave me house claims there had been another will which only he was told about where it supposedly said he had been left half of house and i had been left half of house this brother implies i did nothing for our parents because i refused to be theyre official carer and our parents had carers come in to help as it was too much to do on my own but hes implied they did all the work and i was just hanging about for house. He also claims that mum had told him that dad was in no fit state to make will as he was confused and didnt know anybody when will was made which was rubbish but i can see this dragging on and im at my wits end with it and im angry that i was the only one there for parents and it feels its been thrown back in my face over money from somebody that did nothing i feel like walking away and letting them get on with it

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 31/01/2022 04:13

So your Mother left her house only to you and your brother feels that this is unfair and the will was changed by your Dad before he died?

He can probably contest it if the will was indeed changed later on in their lives.

Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 04:19

it wasnt changed though thats the thing hes just claiming it was it seems strange that hes the only one who knows of another will nothing was said to myself or the lawyers who mum and dad dealt with for decades

OP posts:

Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 04:20

there was only one will made four years ago and that was because mum and dad knew how theyre health was they knew they were only going to get worse and decided to make will while they were still in a position too thinking that it would save this hassle

OP posts:

Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 04:23

all along this brother has claimed its never been about money but claimed he wanted to do the right thing by our parents supposedly let them rest in peace this coming from somebody who had no relationship with them for 20 years is going to get 4500 pounds in inheritance and this isnt enough for him

OP posts:

HomeHomeInTheRange · 31/01/2022 04:57

Don’t walk away, your brother has no evidence of another Will (because there wasn’t one), no evidence that your father was ‘confused’ etc.

Did your parents use a solicitor to write their wills?

Your parents wanted you to have the house.

Glisil · 31/01/2022 06:26

No, don’t give in to the bully!! He’s ignored his parents for 20 years and still expects their money, he can fuck off.

Stillfunny · 31/01/2022 06:35

Glad you are going through a solicitor. Let him bluster all he likes . His opinions , threats , etc. mean nothing to the law. Nor does the law take into account things like the carers situation. And the solicitor who made the will four years ago can attest to his mental state.
Ignore his bullying , tell him it is going through the solicitors and you don't want to talk about it.

Weenurse · 31/01/2022 06:50

Greedy sod.
Tell him to address all his issues and claims to the lawyer. Does he realise that the lawyers fees come out of the estate ? He may get even less than he thought.
Any other siblings? What is their take on this?

Billandben444 · 31/01/2022 07:16

Any estate that is at all complicated should be dealt with through a solicitor and yes, his behaviour will now mean less money eventually. Put in writing to him that all communication re either of the estates is to be through the solicitor and then ignore him. I'm sorry for your loss 💐

Henlie · 31/01/2022 07:23

Unless your brother can produce said Will he’s referring to, then the Will your solicitor has in their possession currently stands as the most up-to-date version.

I would just keep ploughing on with it all. I’m not sure your brother can contest it as he’s been left an amount (albeit smaller than yours) by your parents. So it can’t claim he’s been left put of the Will.

GoudaVonCrumb · 31/01/2022 07:44

Don't engage with the siblings -tell them to speak to the solicitor who's dealing with the will and then block them so they can't bully you any more.

If they want to make a claim re a newer will then they will need to provide evidence of that - and as there isn't any, any claim will be unsuccessful.

OperationRinka · 31/01/2022 07:52

You're doing exactly the right thing by leaving it all to the solicitor. Brother is talking nonsense about your father's will anyway - because as you said almost everything he owned went straight to your mother regardless of any will because it was held jointly.

Unless they were kept away by Covid restrictions, their absence from your DF's cremation speaks volumes.

Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 08:28

HomeHomeInTheRange will was done through a lawyer when it was done 4 years ago there was never one done before that if there was it would have been done through same lawyer as mum and dad had used the same lawyer since the 80s

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Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 08:30

GoudaVonCrumb - i wont thats why i asked lawyer to start dealing with siblings a few weeks ago as i felt they were playing at mind games the brother sent me email that he sent lawyer and tbh i think hes just wanting in my head maybe thinks i will just back down but not after what hes done

OP posts:

HomeHomeInTheRange · 31/01/2022 08:32

Then your brother won’t get anywhere. A lawyer wouldn’t have allowed a Will to be made by someone without capacity / in confusion.

Were you living in your parents house while caring for them?

Totalwasteofpaper · 31/01/2022 08:36

Listen it’s a difficult time.

Tune out the noise and do not walk away from this.
You have done the correct things to date, let the lawyer deal with it and avoid your DB (dickhead brother)

Let him shout and rage and do whatever via the solicitor. Explain the solicitor you only want the pertinent facts (ie no gory details needed)

Stay the course calmly and follow the solicitors advice.

he doesn’t have a sloth to stand on from what you have written.

Totalwasteofpaper · 31/01/2022 08:37

I need coffee

He doesn’t have A sloth a leg to stand on 😅

Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 08:45

HomeHomeInTheRange - yes i lived with them while i cared for them it was a 24/7 job thats why carers were needed as i wouldnt have coped without them and family werent helping

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Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 08:46

thank you total im going to try and get a bit of sleep my head has been spinning all night i hope i can get a couple of hours i appreciate your support people

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DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 31/01/2022 09:08

OP I have no advice other than stay true to what your parents wanted. It's as much about that as the actual money/property. You did the best by your parents when they were alive and it sounds like they appreciated that. Don't let a grabby bully ruin their plans. Condolences for you loss

user1471538283 · 31/01/2022 09:45

I've been through something similar. I and another family member supported my DM. The others got to visit occasionally. We managed her accounts, spent most weekends with her, sorted out her huge house, sold it. The others were upset that they hadn't got more money.

Your sibling has a week to produce this will to your lawyer. Otherwise you stick to the original one. Put everything through your lawyer.

ajandjjmum · 31/01/2022 10:00

DH has been in a similar situation, in that his Not so DSis was trying to get more of her parents' estate than they wished. It helped that she'd tried to influence her parents 25 years before their deaths - they'd told us and made it very clear that was not what they wanted - although she has never been aware of that conversation.

But you are doing absolutely the right thing in handing it over to the solicitor to deal with. I think the thing that hurt DH most was realising that his sister was a grasping liar (and I'm being polite there!), and very little of it was to do with the money.

It got sorted eventually and fairly, but caused a total breakdown in relationship between DH and his one sister, although it has brought him closer to his other sister - funny how things work out.

Take care - it's a stressful time.

Alpinechalet · 31/01/2022 10:13

Whilst it would cost money, I would consider asking the solicitor to write a letter to your brother and copy to all your siblings pointing out if there is another will they should forward a copy to them asap. Additionally, this letter, any future letters, and any administration to resolve his contesting are paid for by the estate. The consequence of this is he and his siblings as beneficiaries will receive less than they would have done.

If their inheritance is c£4,500, your siblings are likely to tell him to stop as it’s costing them money.

Original poster

masterofdoomv1 · 31/01/2022 10:31

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn - thank you my concience is clear im just glad i dont have t deal with them directly anymore user1471538283 i get what u saying but he wont have one hes just at it hoping ill back down and say ok ill give you half the house which isnt happening as hes said prior that if he did get half hed charge me rent then with the way hes already acted hed throw is weight around acting as if he had authority Alpinechalet good idea ill suggest that to lawyer and thanks aja its just sad that money brings out the worst in people

OP posts:

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