Should I rekindle a friendship with a person who is mentally ill?

[MartaFlutterButterBye]

I don’t know what to do!!!

I have recently been contacted by an old friend. To be honest, we were best of friends since school days but had a falling out when she became diagnosed with schizophrenia. I tried to keep the friendship going, but she became too unstable and ultimately threw a mug at me over a delusion.

We’ve both had baby’s at the same time and she gave me a call. It was so good to talk, just like the old days, but then she was sectioned again. I’d like to be friends again, but her mental illness scares me.

What do you think? Should I stop replying to her calls?

Would it be possible to be frank with her about your worries? Could you set certain boundaries for the time being and explain that the reason for these boundaries is that you are not confident in your ability to cope with some of the problems that might arise?

I would hope that she is having a certain amount of input from a mental health care team and that she would be able to discuss with them a plan for reviving friendships, and for having safeguards in place in case things became too much for her?

It would seem very sad not to respond to her overtures, but on the other hand it wouldn't be doing yourself - or her - any favours if you felt 'cornered' into a relationship that you would subsequently have to withdraw from.

Thanks so much for your reply. She does have a mental health team and I guess you are right. Honesty is the best policy. I feel sad for her to lose the special friendship we had and I also do miss her but you are right, I don't want to back out either as that will hurt her even more. I'll try my best to try and word it right as I've pretty much just brushed over the mental health issues thus far.

Isn’t this the sort of friendship that might thrive via phone and FaceTime, for now? That would put almost no pressure on either of you.

(Btw - will your device not accept that the plural of ‘baby’ is ‘babies’? You must have to write it quite often at the moment.)

Your poor friend. She sounds as though she has been through a horrendous time and I imagine her mental illness scares her a lot more than it does you - I find it terrifying to imagine being so poorly that I’d throw something at a friend in the grip of a delusion or to end up being sectioned.

If you aren’t able to offer friendship to someone with a significant illness then yes, stop replying to her calls. I wouldn’t want to do that though, I would want to continue to be friends with her - I think you just need to speak to her honestly about her illness.

Hmm as someone who had an ex with schizophrenia I think people shouldn’t judge about you not wanting to be friends if they haven’t been through it with anyone. My ex use to accuse me of all sorts of crazy things and even tried strangle me because of his beliefs. It can be very scary I was accused of all sorts. I think I would keep it as phone contact until your sure of things.

Thank you for your replies. I think you are right about keeping it phone based for now. That is a good idea. I keep trying to word it in my mind on how to approach the subject of her mental illness. It feel like it keeps coming out wrong. I feel guilty that my situation is better than hers and I’ve said stuff to her in the past that she has taken the wring way.

That is so scary to hear that your ex strangled you @RedCandyApple. That is the fear with a person with schizophrenia is that they might lash out, but you still love that person. It is an awful illness. I do want to be friends @chinateapot. Maybe a stronger person could cope with it better. But it is scary being around someone aggressive and unpredictable who is angry about something that does not exist. But then again it is sad to think someone might lose all their friends over an illness. When she is well, she is my good old friend.

It sounds really stupid, but I know that she bought me a Christmas present and wants my address to send it to me. I kind of don’t want to give her my address, in case she turns up on my doorstep unwell. But how harsh is it to say that to someone. Would you give it?