Is my stepdaughter getting fanatic?

[julialisa]

My stepdaughter is mixed heritage (Arab and western) she is growing up in Europe but since some time she only believes that Islam and Arab behaviour and people are good and western culture is bad.
She also started wearing hijab and practicing Islam extensively ( I am a good believer also supported her in getting to know her other heritage and open but I it’s not her anymore)

When I spoke to her father he was very upset as he is proud his daughter is becoming like that and prefers his country.

She is talking how bad western people are and how racist on the other hand I see her being racist to western people, she also stopped Hanging out with western people and only seeing Muslim teenager

She has bad relationship with her western mum because of the rejection towards her life style

Am I wrong thinking she is fanatic and what do you advise?

Not necessarily a fanatic. Sounds like she's embracing Islam. It's not a crime.

Nothing wrong with wearing a hijab if she's old enough to decide, but the racist comments would worry me

How old is she? She may just be figuring out who she is- which may be a strict Muslim, or may be something else entirely.

Nothing wrong with her learning about her heritage, but I would want to know where she is learning about Islam, is she getting information from the internet, ie from people she doesn’t know , or is she being taught about Islam by people from a local mosque, ie who are known in the community and trusted. She needs good guidance if she is to develop a true understanding of Islam.

I would pull her up about the racism, she is living in a multicultural society and needs to recognise that racism is unacceptable.

YABU to assume she's a fanatic just because she's not following your lifestyle. She's free to wear a hijab if she wants - would you be thinking it's an issue if she started to wear crop tops and miniskirts? And why can't she practice Islam if she wants to?

It's fair to assume she's stopped hanging out with some of the western people she knows because they've been racist to her and she's had bad experiences with them. This is especially likely if she's just started to wear hijab, she probably will be experiencing more racism or Islamophobia now and some people may have started treating her differently. Have you tried to ask her about such experiences, instead of thinking she automatically must be wrong in saying western people are racist?
And if Islam is more important to her now, she may naturally gravitate towards people who have similar values - just like how people who have very strong political views or environmental views etc like to hang out with people who have these shared beliefs and values.

Wearing the hijab and showing interest in her religion sounds okay to me. Hanging out with other Muslim teens also sounds quite normal - she might find she has more in common with them than white British teens who aren’t religious.

However, I would worry about some of the other stuff. Having a poor relationship with her mother because her mother isn’t Muslim, and especially ‘believing only Islam is good and other people are bad.’ No matter what religion that type of superiority complex is not good for a person, and won’t lead to good relationships with others. Has she always been so strictly religious or is it new?

I agree there is nothing wrong with hinab etc but just the way it goes I am not sure about. She is learning/reading online and social media. One of her new friends told her about the lollipop story

Not even a year ago she had arguements with her father because was Wearing belly free tops and now she is not even wearing a normal Short sleeve anymore because a men or boy could see her. It all went very sudden.

she only spends max 3 weeks in her fathers country that’s why I try to understand why she is so obsessed with it.

She used to love Christmas but quit last year as it’s haram. And calls people Christian’s to talk down on westerns.

Everything is haram now her dad also corrects her on some stuff but not telling her to slow down with her attitude.

Even if she would have experienced racism should she not be better and not do it to others especially not to people who haven’t do anything? Not every person is racist….

She is learning/reading online and social media
Nothing wrong with that - up to a point.

However, there are all sorts of views online (not just religious-based) which may not necessarily be suitable for impressionable young people.

@julialisa

I agree there is nothing wrong with hinab etc but just the way it goes I am not sure about. She is learning/reading online and social media. One of her new friends told her about the lollipop story

Not even a year ago she had arguements with her father because was Wearing belly free tops and now she is not even wearing a normal Short sleeve anymore because a men or boy could see her. It all went very sudden.

she only spends max 3 weeks in her fathers country that’s why I try to understand why she is so obsessed with it.

She used to love Christmas but quit last year as it’s haram. And calls people Christian’s to talk down on westerns.

Everything is haram now her dad also corrects her on some stuff but not telling her to slow down with her attitude.

If by lollipop story you mean the analogy comparing uncovered women to lollipops that have been dropped on the ground that is indeed concerning. How old is she?

As others have said what you have described doesn't mean she is a fanatic, but you do need to talk to her about the racism.

As kids grow up they explore and push boundaries, if they are from two cultures they will often really go deep into the non-dominant culture for a while. This sounds like what she is doing. My DS are late teens and honestly they change like the wind on all sorts of things - it's part of experimenting and growing and finding who they are.

Could she be trying to impress a boy? Seems weird how she was so westernised just a year ago and now won't tolerate that behaviour? Are her online conversations monitored?

Yes exactly and I find that very disrespectful for any other woman any actually felt offended. She is 16

A boy also plays a part I believe because she told me she likes someone from Arab background. Sometimes I think she also wants to impress her father and his family and get lots of attention. One day she said oh they will love me to see wearing hijab and that will embarrass her cousin same age who doesn’t. But as said she spends max 3 weeks a year there and England is the bad country where everything is horrible while I believe she should appreciate what she has here…she also sabotages everything nice and good to do with western culture

Does she not get pulled up on her nasty attitude, which sounds totally separate from religion? For example, if my ds said ‘I can’t wait to show my cousin my new swimming badge, he’ll be embarrassed because he hasn’t got one,’ I’d tell him not to be so horrible or he wouldn’t be visiting his cousin at all.

Regardless of whether it’s wearing a hijab or anything else, doesn’t she get pulled up on saying she wants to embarrass her cousin? Surely her dad is quick to tell her that following Islam with the intent of looking down on/being unkind to others is the exact wrong reasons to be following the religion.

Absolutism often appeals to the young. It may be a short phase, or it may be the start of her dedicating her life to living up to religious ideals you and I may find quite pointless. No way to tell.

I wouldn't challenge her on the content of her beliefs as she'd only dig in, but it may be worth asking her how she can be quite so sure she is right. Good luck.