How to find bereavement support

[helpingbereavedperson]

My FIL died suddenly three months ago and MIL is coping badly. She has no family aside from DH and very few close friends. She doesn't work, volunteer or drive (basically she and FIL did everything together).

We live quite a few hours away but she has been spending a lot of time talking to DH on the phone, she is understandably very depressed and upset and seems to be getting worse and DH is really worried about her.

I've offered to set up some kind of talking therapy for her as we both feel she desperately needs some help but I don't know where to start. The hospital offered counselling as the death was traumatic (FIL was in ICU) but we've got nowhere with it as nobody answers the phone or emails. We've suggested MIL goes to the GP but she won't commit to this and we don't believe she'll actually go.

We can go private but I don't have the faintest idea how to find a good counsellor, does anyone have any suggestions? She is in South Wales if that makes a difference.

I am so sorry for your loss and that your MIL is struggling. The hospice attached to the hospital offered a wonderful counselling service but this was pre covid so I am not sure how services have changed now. I would contact her GP/surgery and check what they offer or know of a service she can be referred to as well as going private. You can also google bereavement/grief counselling in her area. Cruse Bereavement Care is a charity that might cover her area.

Cruse is brilliant and appears to cover South Wales, their counselling is free although you can donate to them as a charity. Have a look on their website and see what they offer in her area. I'm sorry for your family's loss.

I haven't looked into Cruse as someone told me they don't offer counselling in the first six months? But maybe that's not right!

Basically anything that requires referrals or for my MIL to push to get appointments etc just won't happen She is too fragile and insecure right now and won't arrange anything herself. We need to be able to say "we've arranged this for you, you need to go to x place at y time" (in a nice way!)

Thank you for the well wishes, it is a hard time and I worry about my DH. He is having to invest so much energy into supporting his mum that I don't think he is able to grieve properly himself.

I mean for you or your DH to check with the GP how she can be referred so that you can tell her this is what is arranged for her to attend. Try not to worry too much about your DH, people grieve in different ways and hopefully he feels he is doing his best by supporting his mum as some prefer to 'do' things in the aftermath and it is only later that they can be more reflective. I really hope you'll find the right support for everyone.

I would look online for community initiatives, we have a bereavement "cafe" here once a week at the community centre, drinks and snacks on sale and people can just talk, mostly older people in similar circumstances to what you describe @helpingbereavedperson .

I would recommend Cruse as well. I was a volunteer there some years back now and there was no hard and fast rule about the timing in regards to how long ago the bereavement was, I think you might have been told about the first 6 months because it can sometimes be more helpful for the initial shock to settle a little before having counselling.

Otherwise you can look for a local BACP registered counsellor on the BACP website. Be prepared for anyone you contact to say MIL needs to make her own appointment though as generally counselling requires for the client to actively want it or it won't help.